This is a great work in which you have painted a picture of a jazz-like scenario! I thought this was tight and it gave me further interest in reading it! This piece of poetry reminds me of jazz and soul singers vocalizing in a night club in the 1960s. You have created a great poem with this kind of poetry that you have written. I give this rating a 10 out of 10 as far as the poem went for creatvity. This was an excellent work guaranteed! Keep writing and you will soon become a master of this class of literature! I hope to hear from you sometime with your poems and (If you want to do this) short stories! Good luck on becoming a famous poet with this piece!

      You certainly painted a vivid picture with your words. I felt as if I were sitting in the same room, experiencing the music and the moods.

     The only editing note I would add is that your verb tenses change throughout the piece. You might want to tighten those up.

     Thanks again for a great reading experience.

 

D'angelo's sound had me feelin'

down.

Are you insinuating D'angelo was there singing, or was the stereo playing his song? Just a little blurb to clarify this would help.

Her blues were a story of a week

she went through with love, heartache

and what she did for the sake of

her heart.

This part was written a little out of style from the rest of the poem, it just doesn't flow like the other parts.

It was like poetry, it had such

beauty.

Hmm, I don't like this simile. Got anything original to spin your individuality into this piece?

As it  was over, my spirits

went from higher to lower.

I realize that I can relate to the mocha

colored Latin angel

with the blues of a sad woman.

I would try to find a different color to describe her, as you have used mocha previously. Angel is a bit of a cliche'd word. Last part, I dunno why, but I think it sounds better without the use of woman. "with the blues of a sad soul/heart."

I would make sure your tenses line up through the poem, too.

Great piece, I only wish I could see more of -your- style in it. It seems like an ordinary poem about a woman right now.

Hope my comments helped!

Pretty sweet, I like it. Your detail kindof put me there in the situation. The only part I didn't like much was when you used the word flavor twice right next to each other.

 Hi.

I dont have anything  to critique, I really liked that .

It was vivd in description. You took me back in  time, a time I would have liked very much. It felt amazing.,..The smoky jazzy/ blues place to be. . Nice work.

Thank you