I'm not a regular poetry writer, and I don't get to read too much, but I think I can offer some general writerly comments for you

I like the image you've painted. You've done well in describing this character's emotions in a very short amount of time. I did stumble when reading the second stanza (I'm not too great with poetry terms - I'm referring to the second sentence) which may have been because I was reading too fast, or may have been because the words themselves trip over each other a bit. I like your word usage there, but just give it another read, see if you can smooth that part out a bit.

I don't know anything about formatting in poetry, but assuming that all is correct, I liked the choices for line breaks and paragraphing It gave the poem more weight and a greater impact where needed. Good job.

This was a very enjoyable poem to read ^_^ Congrats

The form you've chosen is very evocative of the fractured subject matter. I'd cut the tildes on the final line, though. They seem a little unprofessional.

"The scent of a woman, befalls laborious on broken senses..."

I'm not sure what 'befalls laborious' really implies, but perhaps that's deliberately obtuse.

Good poem, though. Thanks for posting it.

I love that you experiment with the space of your lines for this poem, I am very impressed how you wrote it, I am just curious, and you don't have to spill, what did you have in mind when you wrote it? Is he a drunk, or is he just drinking because he is sad he left her? I thought he was a drunk, so depending on what you wanted interpreted, maybe you should clarify the poem a tad bit? I think it could be done without changing too much of the feel of the poem right now.

Keep on truckin'!

I really like the imagery you've achieved in this. The spacing really works with the tone you're trying to achieve. I especially like how the following bit flows:

A single memory, 

scrutinizing his regret, 

  day,

      after day.

I do also think that the tildes on the last line look a bit out of place with the rest of the poem. A place to maybe elaborate, if you wish -- why, exactly, are his senses broken?

 I read this piece several times...I felt the intensity more each time. The images that were created became more clear with each repeated reading. You are such a dramatic soul, is he truly mad or did he become mad because at some point in time he left a woman who haunts his every thought? You leave me with wonderous thoughts of the homeless as I pass them in the street. You have opened a door for me to untold stories of a life that sometime, most times, gets ignored or goes unnoticed. Your terminology was very creative! You have made it possible for me to feel what you were feeling when you wrote this piece, I'm impressed! I do hope to read more of your work in the future. Bravo...

Angel w o Wings -

This is a great poem.  I enjoyed the style, the ebb and flow of the piece.  Once again I delight in one of your works.

I love this poem! It is easily shows what the speaker is feeling. I love how you space this poem. It seems somewhat experimentory (sp?? lol) with the way the poem is formatted. But, I love it! (^_^) I think it flows beautifully with this poem.

Silence pressing his lips

as tears reverberate

shadowing words...

                     ~whispering her name~

This I thought, was absolutely wonderful! It's sad, yet amazing. It's a true life dilemma; yet it's described amazingly. Great job!

 Great job Angel. I'll just ask a question as I'm not sure of your exact thoughts. Sometimes I struggle with your diction, wondering if it's too brilliant for me or if it is a little forced. This is not generally true, but specifically I wonder if the word "scrutinizing" is really the word you're looking for in

A single memory, 

scrutinizing his regret

I'm not sure that is the right word, but i'm just making a suggestion. If you do think it was forced then i might suggest "replaying his regret". it has alliteration and a good rhythm, i think. But. what do i know? Thanks for the poem Angel!

"coveting coins in a grimy pocket of fortuitous panning, fatefully spent on yesterday's dreams, and tomorrow's disciplined sorrow."

 

O.K. I must say that I absolutely love this. This is definitely my type of writing which is exactly why I fell in love with this the second I started reading. Honestly your work is the best work I've read in a long time. It's not confusing or hard to follow. You made it nice and simple, yet, with a lot of meaning. Reading this seriously got me thinking. I would, however, suggest you write a little more to where I can paint a picture in my mind. But you just keep being yourself and you will go far..Thank you.

Great use of space.  You wonderfully captured a powerful emotion that just built as one read.

The only thing I would change was what was mentioned earlier: the ending.  The tilde's just seem a bit out of place.  Just a stylistic thing I suppose, and really they don't detract, just something to think about perhaps.  Great work.

 I admit, I'm only a poetry writer.  I only read poems all the way through that really grab me from the beginning.  Your poem did that.  I also loved the rythym of the poem.  I almost wanted to read it outloud, but did not.

Wow, amazing start! The first line drew me in immediately (it was chilling!), and surely, I was not let down. The entire poem flowed so perfectly and painted a great picture of what was going on. Left me feeling sad, but it left me feeling something, which is what I look for in a poem, of course. Congrats on an awesome piece!