Oh, Hi, Angel W O Wings. I liked your new poem,(In which all of them that I read from are unique in their own ways). I am writing a story about that too, about an angel named Dusk searches for the endless gates of love that await him so, and the only one who can actually help him is a winged soul named Dawn, with the help of a book caled The Five Fastest Ways To An Angel's Darkened Heart, a book that helps icy, dark hearted, angelic beings to find love within their frozen hearts. Come and read it on my profile sometime, it is also a childrens short story, also! Good luck with more of your poems that you may write sometime in the near future. Bye bye now!

 Hey Angel,

This is my second poem of yours I have read - they are unique and beautiful.  You have a way with language and words that is a rare talent.  The concept here is obvious and well thought out.

The last two lines:

Her scent left on abandoned sheets
Easily washed out to welcome another wayward malice

 

are insightful and well worded.  The imagery of:

Sharing a towel and a drink of cool water
then turn away and fall off to sleep

 

is a real look at a one night stand and the feelings that follow.  Relief and then grief/pain/lonliness.  I love it!

You should check out www.12writingworkshopsonline.com is a workshop site run by Ryan Edel (also on scrib) that ranges from fiction, to freewriting, to meditations.  It is a really cool workshop site and as of now anyway is free of charge....

Kat

Hello again!!

I agree with the other two critiques--your poems are different and beautiful words are used by you to express how you feel, or how you think others feel.

A wayward malice dwindles on soft lips forgiving simple pleasure all the more Sharing a towel and a drink of cool water then turn away and fall off to sleep

That section to me-- gives hope and brings simple subtle hotness to the piece.

Waking to find no warmth beside your brow or faith that she will remember your name the next passing in line at the food market Not sure if she was ever there at all Her scent left on abandoned sheets Easily washed out to welcome another wayward malice

And then that last section takes the hope away-- and you are left to wonder-- are you crazy, was she there-- or is it just life playing with you again!!

Love it!!

thanks for sharing again!!

Gail

 HI AWOW!

This is a very good work in my opinion.  The simplicity is its magic.  The story is told without apology, and only the simple truth of being single and filling the void with wayward malice.

I am not sure if there is a deeper meaning here.  The word malice would denote something deeper to me than a casual encounter.  If you commit a crime against another, it can be done with or without malice, or ill intent.  If done with malice, you get an extra sentence.  Is malice a premeditated desire to do one harm? 

Your phrases are clever, yet not overwhelming to cloud the truth behind the story. 

On one hand you have the question of "was she really there at all?"  I would suppose that after enough casual encounters, one would wonder about these things.  I love the line about her scent left on the abandoned sheets, a noteworthy phrase in and of itself.  And the way that you presented it with a change in line style was very effective.The lack of attatchment and true intimacy here can be felt, as well the search and hope for finding someone, someday that would be permanent and remember your name.

It brings me hope to think that men can be as open as you are, as articulately honest and not afraid to use their talent.

I hope you will enlighten me on the thoughts you had while writing this charming poem.

Have a great week.. Jeanie... still chasin the dream for a better tomorrow for all.

 I hope to see more of you and appreciate the opportunity to see your words be brought to life in the minds of others as they ponder your intent.