I really liked it, and I know this might sound annoying, but I couldn't find anything that I think I would do differently anywhere. That's never happened before. Anyways, a job well done.

 This is really good. You are such a great writer. I dont know what to say becsuse seeing that you do so well you dont need to make any changes.

They way you worded this poem really touched my heart, because I've felt the same thing before. I really, really loved the emotion every word had packed into it, and I thought that the way you worded things was so simply and still so completely honest, raw, and well-put.

There was one line break that I absolutely loved!

Wanting to cry, to feel, to fall in

love and out of life...

I loved these two lines, especially the break between them. When you said "fall in", I wasn't thinking that "love" would be the next word. In fact, because the woman was in the shower, I thought that you might have been preparing to say fall in the water or something of the sort. I really, really loved this line--I'm still reeling over it!

There was another pair of lines, though, that I think you can turn into a really gripping line break.

Thinking of love,life,
and death.

I think that if you could change that to what will follow this sentence of mine, the whole "death" thing could become really unexpected and can really sneak up on the reader.

Thinking of love,
of life and
death.

I think this would kind of bring more attention to the word "death" and really hit home, hard. Great, great poem.

 I really like the poem's concept and simple wording. It allowed you to feel the emotion behind each word rather than looking for hidden meanings and connotation.

I was a little thrown off by the line

Sitting now in the shower
legs folded upright
head down
in perfect motion.

 

She is sitting, clearly upset and trying to cry, but where is the motion?  I lost the rhythm of the piece with this one line.  I would EITHER throw in a line about rocking back and forth or maybe change motion to "contemplation" or "silence" or "pain"....I'm not sure - the word just doesn't feel write to me and I had to read the line more than once.

I agree with one of the other critiques about this line;

Thinking of love,

life,

and death

My inclination here would be to leave "death" by itself on the line. It will draw the reader in more easily. Also - I would tend to Capitalize and personify the word "Death" to show that it is her only companion now that love is gone....

Just a couple technical things -- but I really loved the poem. Its beautiful

I would not critique what has already been said but I do have to say, with your choosing or not some of the advise above, this poem still has strong visuals. It shows depth for a man to get into a woman’s heart, mind and pain and translate that to the page. It’s the hardest part of writing when I try it.

 ***Oh My! You have brought out the many memories I had when I lost my true love... All I did was stay in bed and lay there. I could totally relate to the woman in your poem. Its an overwhelming feeling that you think will last your lifetime should you live through it. Course you always do and the pain seems to become dull, but it never really goes away. You wrote this really well...I applaud you.. I look forward to more. Write on...***