good poem it made me think of someone i cared about once. i said i loved her they said it was an obsession. i dont know it felt real then, when i think about and the memories come back if feels real now. but does it feel real now because it felt real them? it was problably an obsession but this poem made me think about it.

 I listen as she calls to her cats,
as glamorous an animal, they are.

See, I disagree, dogs are cooler. kidding. Okay, okay...in all seriousness...

I honestly like this poem a lot, but the last stanza didn't sit well with me. The conclusion of the poem should feel more completed and satisfying. But it seems rushed and formed...incorrectly? This is probably one of those comments you'll read and think, "Piss off, stupid." Perhaps I'm the only one that feels this way. If I am I apologize.

If I could, I would render the heavens
and give to her the first falling star.

For something that seems so cliche, that is a beatiful couple of lines. There are so many things in this poem that just give a great image and make me think. I definatly feel a sense of devotion and love vibrating off of it when I read this. Beautiful poem.

 The poem is beautiful and passionate. Almost every line has an image that is purely felt and distinctly felt in the minds eye. I got tripped up in a couple of places and I wonder at your choice of a few words. They are so close, forgive me if I am reading my own preferences into this, but I just want to clarify a few if you don't mind. This piece seems so personal, I hope I do not offend you.

The first line captures my attention and draws me in - very nice. The second lines though...do you mean wondering (dreaming, thinking) or wandering (roam, stray, move)? I don't think of souls as wondering - though they could I suppose - especially after your use of 'grabbing,' the word 'wandering' denotes an image of two souls just missing that connection. Just a thought.

Eyes caressing the wind - another powerful image.

You use the word "render" but I think the word "rend" (tear, rip, shred, open) fits better. I know it does some picky, but they do mean completely different things.

I don't want to get too picky with your other word choices - it is your poem after all and you alone know what you were trying to say. I always hesitate in critiquing poetry from someone I do not know - poets can be so sensitive (I know I am), but I do hope I've helped.

Hi there-- hope you are doing well.

I liked this piece,. it was from the heart and filled with you-- I can tell!!

Some of the rhyming was off-- like the last stanza was different flow then the rest, and the ending left a opening- that needs to be filled-- its like you left us wanting more-- is there a 2nd part???? hehe

Great write- nice words they paint a picture we can all see- love is a great thing- until it drives us crazy-- wanting for someone we can not have at all!!

Thanks for sharing this with us--I look forward to reading another piece of yours!!

HUGZ

Gail

Hello Angel w o Wings - Its good to have contact and read another piece of yours.  It's always a pleasure.  Now, to get down to it.  I like the pace of the poem - it flowed evenly, not disjointedly.  The smooth verses slipped easily from the tongue in most places, with some exception.  Case in point, I am not sure how this

I listen as she calls to her cats,
as glamorous an animal, they are.

fits into the rest of the piece, except to introduce information about her.  But if that is so, it seems that there should be some more character development.  In the following

As my faith in her grows amorously,
an affinity for the first kiss.

I am not really sure about it.  It seems that it needs to be worded differently.  The way amorously hangs on the end and then the word affinity, I am not sure why I question it but I am, I understand what you are saying - maybe its just me, certainly a possibility.  I also question the word "wondering" in

"A fleshless wondering of souls."

Sorry - I messed up directly above.  Somehow the section ending with talk on "wondering" should have been in between the lines - forgive me.   I do agree with the critique of  Elle St. Clair when she mentioned that "render" might be better as "rend". 

The rest of the poem is great - well, all of it is.  It is just my messing with it.  I love your imagery - and the passion and yearning in the poem is palpable.  You convincingly evoke the feelings of early passion - before that first, direct, flesh-to-flesh encounter.  Yeah!  It was certainly good to reaquaint myself with your writing again.  Always a pleasure!

nice work man