I like how honest and bold this is. The subject is something I think many people can relate to and you do a good job of writing in a manner that is understandable, but still very touching and powerful. But overall, I really like how open you are.

Okay, so I'm in an English class right now that works on revising and talking through poems so what I am going to try to do is an "in-depth" analysis which will consist of my reading of the poem, lines I really like, lines that could use work, a little punctuation and grammar (though mine tends to be poor), and what I think of the poem overall. 

-I really love the opening line: "In all my dead living" - I'm just a fan of abstract/unconventional thought and I really love the idea of something that "lives dead" (a phrase I've used in my own poetry)

-One thing  would think about, in the opening stanza, if you will, is punctuation.  I would consider either using a semi-colon after midnight ("of midnight; the dull winds creep") or trying a little bit of a Dickenson theme and using a hyphen (-).  She was very abstract in the punctuation of her poems and I think it can only help yours seeing as you're discussing such a deep and engrossing (abstract) topic such as death and the soul really.  My only question for this first stanza is "which lands" are you talking about?  The imagery is superb and really evocative (forgive any malapropisms on my part...I tend to do that a lot) but I feel like it can only be stronger the most descriptive you get.

"I have not known the liberty
of midnight, the dull winds creep
across these lands with swift movement,
consuming evaded souls that harass the
sleeping minds and the empty hearts."

-I just have to say I love this idea of the souls harassing minds and hearts, it just puts me in mind of all the ones we lose over the years that never go away and leave us at peace...that go to peace on their own.

-Again, in this opening line to the second stanza I'm thinking the work might be stronger if you use a hyphen, adds a different kind of "connection" between the opening line and the rest of the stanza ("cure of morning-").  Also, did you mean morning like the sun rising, or mourning for someone we lost?  I think it's interesting in either regards but my curiosity is getting the better of me.  In the same line, should it be "I do not know" or do you want it to stay the same?  (Also, these are just my questions and thought, please don't change anything because I say so...it really is a great poem as it is now).

-All I can say for the third stanza is "wow."  Blown away.  The language is just extrodinary.  The third line...literally left me speechless and "scars of irony" is just so true. Awesome stanza.

-This is just a great poem.  Please forgive me for completely misinterpreting, but  read it first as talking about the soul's existence, and then as from the perspective of and abortion/the aborted fetus speaking.  I think that the meaning either way is extraordinary and is really strong overall.  One thing I found a bit strange (and this is just me, haven't been able to break the habit yet) is that the stanza do not follow a particular pattern, yet it really works for the third "stanza" to emphasize the words.  I just found it a bit odd that you start with a set pattern and then change, but it still works really well. 

-Overall I think the poem is great and really powerful.  Great work and I can't wait to read more.

Good stuff.  I think this is a strong work... it has a lot of interesting images, is deliberately vague while being mysterious enough to be intriguing, and can have multiple interpretations based on the reader.  There's a lot of good stuff going on here! 

Here are some details I think are worth looking at:

I have not known the liberty of midnight,

I like this opening line.  It's mysterious, evocative, and very suggestive.

the dull winds creep across these lands with swift movement,

I think that "creeping" already implies movement... maybe cut it to: The dull winds creep swiftly across these lands, / consuming...

Also, you need a semicolon or period between "midnight" and "the dull winds."  The two ideas appear to be unrelated and a comma seems out of place.

The brilliance of waking and knowing her name, she arises and calls to me.

Again, replace the comma with a period or semicolon.

I have not known the soterial of pain,

I don't know what soterial means... I tried looking it up but couldn't find a definition either.  Is this a word?

I have not known the soterial of pain, only memorizing scars of irony. Playing God to my own sins, feathering arms outward, seperating hope from the world's salvation.

I'm not sure what to make of this stanza.  Maybe I got off on a wrong foot since I couldn't figure out what "soterial" is, but I think some of the images that you're using in this stanza could stand a little clarification.  For example, "playing God to my own sins": When one plays God, they assume the role of the creator.  But, since the sins are already "your own," (i.e. you already created them, you own them), I'm not sure how playing God is the appropriate phrase to use here.  Also, "memorizing scars of irony" is an extremely abstract image.  Are the scars on your body/soul?  Are they someone else's scars?  How can scars be "memorized" or "ironic"?  I think all these questions can be answered, but they're not alluded to in the text.  Finally, "feathering arms outward":  I think I see the image you're writing about, which is a person standing up with their arms spread to heaven.  I like that image, but I think you might want to reconsider "feathering" as a descriptive image.  "Feathering" calls to mind something delicate and fragile, like gossamer, but 1) I don't think that kind of image fits with the tone of the poem, and 2) arms are much more solid than that

I like the last big stanza.  The "minacious whisper" stanza is a nice callback to the first stanza, bringing everything around full circle again.  I also like the interplay between light and dark, with the dark calling and the light fleeing, like hunter and prey.

Some thoughts on word choice: It seems like most of your poem uses uncomplicated vocabulary, which is good-- the simpler words bring a directness, forcefulness, and readability to the poem as a whole.  But every now and then, you'll stick in a SAT word: "soterial," "feathering," "minacious," "irreptitious," etc.  The "bigness" of these words doesn't fit the poem as a whole.  I think you can replace these words with simpler alternatives that carry a bigger impact, because the reader doesn't have to run for a dictionary when they hit them.  When you're writing, remember that the bigger the word doesn't necessarily mean the bigger the emotion.  Ernest Hemingway has a famous quote--William Faulkner once made fun of Hemingway for his simple vocabulary.  Hemingway replied:

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?  He thinks I don't know the ten-dollar words.  I know them all right. But there are older and simpler and better words, and those are the ones I use."

 This poem is very deep, and very well written.

I think many people would be able to enjoy this.

Its understandable, relateable, and very well written.

 sad poem, very good poem

 I think this is a good poem. keep up the good work

A very interesting concept you have here.  I love the repetition of title as it is a constant reminder of that concept.  Another particularly good thing was the idea of using various moments in the day as a way to string together all your thoughts on the subject.  It connects the otherwise very abstract ideas you have constructed.

The first stanza paints some vivid imagery, and flows very good.  My only suggestion on this stanza is maybe another word for evaded.  The rest of the stanza makes logical sense and works with the image I have of an empty human who just lives the "average life."  It almost feels like you could cut that word entirely and it would still be just as potent and yet not as confusing.

The second stanza is easily the most impressive of the lot.  I personally think this stanza shouldn't be changed at all.

The third stanza, unlike the second, is probably the weakest.  I can't really grasp the concept on this one, maybe I'm just reading it wrong.  It also is the only stanza that falls out of the time patterning you have in the rest which makes it stand apart in an awkward way from the rest.  I'd consider reworking this one entirely, as it just doesn't seem to fit the same bill that the others do.

The fourth stanza is one of the better conclusions to a poem I've seen.  You've done a good job of setting the image of the "average life" and the concept of realization of that scenario is a great closer.  I have one small issue with the repeated used of calling.  I'm sure you could easily come up with another word that is just much better suited instead of just repeating it, as its repetition does nothing for the stanza in my opinion.

A very good work overall, definitely impressed me.

 Howdy

I am hardly a professional or one who has the wherewithall to actually address this poem because it is so deep.  I would love to hear you read it as you wrote it.  I too tried to look up soterial but didn't find it.  Maybe it is a spelling thing.

I was thinking that at your second reference to "calling" you might use beckoning.  Avoids repetition.  Or it could actually be used in your first stanza and will still keep within the meter.

The second stanza confused me, mostly because of the word soterial which I am guessing the latter refers to.  I read the critique about being  God to your own sins.  I can almost disagree with that analysis.  When one is God to their own sins, they not only create them, but they also judge them.  So, as it stands, if that was your intention, then I would not change it.  It was a powerful statement.  But, you need to be sure to set the stage for it so it is taken in the light in which you wrote it.  Again, I agree that maybe a simpler word choice in places would keep your readers intertwined in the thought instead of running for a dictionary.

Your subject matter is excellent.  It is actually a malady of the modern day lifestyle in which we live.  So shallow are our actions and lusts.  No room for truth or real intamacy.  We truly do see ourselves as Gods of our own sins. 

separating:

I wish so much that I could really grasp your intent in this second stanza.  It may be so clear that I just can't see it.  My senility is getting the better of me lately.  I love the stanza, and yet I don't understand it,,, now that is weird.. 

As your poem ends, there are the references to calling.  I actually think the link between the two lines is effective when you repeat the word.  (just read it again and it felt better than the first time)  If you are going to change one of the usages of calling... I would make it in the first stanza, she bekons you... instead of undoing the link between the two in the ending stanza.

I absolutely LOVE the way that you ended this profound message with its total meaning wrapped up in one sentence...   You have never really lived.  I would be really interested in knowing what prompted you to write this.  I think if anything, I would maybe add to your thought, maybe expounding just enough as to not take away the mysterious quality, but to shed more light on your true message,, and the "why" of it. 

In short, this is really profound and deep.  It is ok as it stands, but if you are after a general audience, you might really consider the suggestions to simplify the language enough to retain your reader.  If you are aimed at linguistical scholars, and if this is meant to impress them with vocabulary, then dump these crits in the garbage and keep them.    Only you know the intent.

Hope to see more of your works.. Looking forward to the challenge of seeing into your deep and intriguing thoughts.  Jeanie...  The dreamchaser....  still chasin the dream of a better tomorrow for ALL!