Again...I read this several times over. You my friend are a very deep person, but I guess it's the way of most writers. I like a poem that carries through with rhyme and reason, even if there are only a few that really understand it. After reading it; it gave a very spiritual effect or at least left the reader with peace in there finished emotion. Oh and I had a question, when you wrote the last line, the word "breath" did you really mean "breathe"? I was just wondering both work either way... I can see why this poem means alot to you, it calms the soul with faith and reassurance. Great work...again! Look forward to more...

 Loved the phrase "desperately searching for a path leading on"

Very well written soul journey --  I got a lot from this. 

Lady Dragonwyck

Great poem, carefully crafted, wonderfully flowing. . .

It slipped along, soothing as it passed.  Thank you.

 Awesome. You are seriously becoming one of my favorite poets in the universe. You know how to capture emotion so well and breathe through the poem into me the reader. You use meter so well! I know I'm supposed to write critiques that help you improve, but unfortunately i'm not that gifted. I'm learning from you by reading poetry like this. Thank you.

 I enjoyed tis work very much. I read two of your other works and this hit me the most. I felt as though I was reading lyrics from a Springsteen song (I like him so its a good thing). I dont think this needs much improvement. It works just fine. Not sure where you were at when you wrote this but it conjured up some nice emotions for me. Thanks.

Keep it up.

 You have a really nice poem going along here.  I might have mentioned this before, but your langauge use is great!  You do a great job with the rhyme.  I particularly like your rhyme of "song" and "on."  I was going to say something about the meter, but on second thought I think what you have works well.

Thanks for sharing!

Hello,

Let me preface my thoughts by saying my personal tastes do not lean toward modern poetry.  I'm more Spenser and Shakespeare than Williams and Ginsberg.  So, please take my impressions with a grain of salt.  I may not be the intended audience for this piece.

My first thought is I don't know what this poem is about, at all.  If I had to take a stab in the dark I would say it is about the birth of a baby (due to the last two lines) but really I have no idea. 

The structure you've erected seems to be five, two-line fragments.  The first fragment is just a subject and the rest are just predicates.  My instinct is to take that subject (which may either be shadows or dance depending on which is the appositive) and apply it to each of the predicates in turn.  This immediately becomes a problem as I cannot see how either "shadows" or "dance" could be "bellowing" even with in the context of the poem.

My second attempt had me disregarding the first two lines completely and assuming the subject of each subsequent fragment was to be an understood first person.  While this lent coherence to these lines I still found them oddly distant from each other.

(I am)Bellowing words from a familiar song,

desperately searching for a path leading on.

I'm with you at this point.

(I am)Seduced by warmth and white of the light,

aimlessly wandering, on through the night.

What is the warmth and light in these lines?  If it seduces then how can the wandering be aimless?  Isn't it being directed by the light?  Also, warmth and light are not usually associated with night; it's an unexplained juxtaposition.  As I write this I am starting to see the connection between this and the previous line (the path and the wandering).

(I am)Kissing ambitious souls of the dreaming,

finally aware of life's reverence and meaning.

Okay, this seems to be your volta (to borrow a term from the sonneteers). This first line doesn't read for me.  I don't understand what it means.  Clearly it leads to the change in tone for the second line, which seems to be the point of the poem.  I may be alone here, but if other readers find it obscure (and if anyone can tell me what it means please do pipe in) you may want to rephrase, as a line this important should be understandable without guessing (in my opinion).

(I am)Looming the room of a mother's child at birth,

harmonious spirits breath for a newborn earth.

Here I'm not so sure if the first person assumption works as well.  It seems instead that the harmonious spirits are the ones "looming," but I'm not sure.  As I said my impression is that these lines indicate the birth of a child and that it is indeed this that causes the volta in the last fragment and is therefore the point of the poem, but I'm not sure.  Also the first line seems to have a usage errors.  Should it not be "Looming in the room?"  Unless It (or they, or you) is actually assembling the room as if on a loom.

Having said all the above, I would like to reiterate that I may not be the audience for this type of poetry.  You clearly have fans here and if they are getting something from your poem (which they clearly are) then you are accomplishing great things.  I personally don't have much patience for obscurity; this is a weakness of mine.  Thank you for sharing.  I hope to read some other works of yours in the future.

-Ben

Many apologies.

I have attempted to delete my critique, but I don't think the system will let me.  If anyone knows how please clue me in.

For the record, I did read the work description, but it didn't help me determine what the subject of the poem was.  I guess it is all going over my head.  I thought you would appreciate a perspective that came from a different area, which is why I wrote it so conditionally.  Clearly I'm not the audience for this piece, but I still had an opinion (as they say, everyone does).

I see how that "obscurity" line came across far harsher than I intended.  What I meant was that some people like to sit and contemplate poetry in order to figure out the meaning, whereas personally I don't have the patience for that.  It is a failing of mine, and shouldn't be taken as a weakness of your writing.

Again, I apologize for hurting your feelings on this.  That was not my intent nor do I relish its occurrence.  I will refrain from reviewing your other work and, if someone can tell me how, I will delete both of these critiques from the site.

Sincerely,

-Ben

I liked the poem. It’s words stirred emotion without being a Christ dipped in piss piece. I didn’t realize poem’s could be analyzed so much.

A poem starts with a thought, an idea, or an emotion felt from the heart. Poems can be happy, or sad, deep-thinking or off the wall, humorous, or even maudlin. The choice is up to you and your imagination as to what you will create.

-I’ve always thought those were the only rules.

I liked your responses to each other as well. This site is very educational even reading other peoples responses. Sometimes the responses we give each other mirror those who run the agencies and publishing houses. Maybe it’s as simple as having a bad day. The true writer believes in his/her self and work. The true writer endures.

Both of you write on! Just don’t critique any of my works. I’ve had my fill of berating from those who refuse to let me through the door!