The Beauty In You
poetry
Published on:
February 17, 4:04pmWord Count:
192Last Edited:
April 28, 5:53amWork Description
Love has no boundries when both learn to catch eachothers' fall.
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Touch, reach,
lift up your eyes,
my woman
save the ending,
save the last dance
for me,
to see,
held free.
Lift up your eyes my love,
life isn't done with us yet.
I won't fade,
I'll never betray.
Say you'll be there,
at the end with me.
Can I adorn your wisdom,
your face,
your grace
your stride,
your taste
your self,
your love?
Your heart
I’d hold away from the cold
Would you listen
for the war?
Would you love me,
if I were poor?
Even-more,
would you carry me
in from the storm?
Would you hold
on with a grip?
Don't let me slip,
on hallowed ground.
Heart still pounding,
all resounding.
I'll never attempt to
sabotage your
fragile wings.
Your soul, it sings,
to me, as we familiarize,
to cast out spies,
call to arms.
Don't be alarmed.
This is me,
all of me,
a guardian,
a want-a-be.
Carry me back from the war,
to heavens' door.
That's the beauty,
the very core.
That's the light I'm looking for,
to weather the storm,
settle me down.
I know your true.
That's the beauty,
the beauty in you.
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Okay, you win! Anyone who has a heart could feel the power of those words! I like that you mentioned love and war in the same poem...it's life at its finest... the way it is written it puts commitment in a whole new aspect. It's nice to know romance really isn't just in the romance novel and poems... you have shown that it really exists outside the written word. Sorry I'm a hopeless and hopeful romantic, not sure I can really take this poem apart objectively...lol! It's heartfelt to be sure and when anyone reads it they will feel something thought to be lost in all the hustle and bustle of today. Nice work...write on!
I found this poem to be a bit
too staccato for my liking. The short lines don't serve the poem's
ends because phrases like "save the last dance" and "
Would you love me, / if I were poor?" seem more cliche. You
definitely have some interesting ideas, but it might be more
effective with a narrative to guide the reader through the feelings
in the poem as opposed to simply stating them. I'm not saying that
theres no place for ambiguity, but the themes seem a bit too
general without any wrapper. For example, the following quote left
me lost:
Your soul, it sings,
to me, as we familiarize,
to cast out spies,
call to arms.
Also, I'm sure this was just an oversight, but " I know your true." definitely took
me out of it.
That is beautiful!