Hearts and Minds, Chapter 4: Chapter Three: Enter She
action, fantasy, fiction, drama, novel
Published on:
Apr. 1, 2008, 5:43amWord Count:
1566Work Description
My first (and only) novel; I've been working on it off and on for almost three years, and though I'm still not even close to finishing it, I'm getting closer with every word, right? :)
Chapter Description
Enter she, another stranger.
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the light. Halan.
The rustling of the underbrush caught his attention. He looked up hurriedly, his fingers itching towards the axe that lay nearby on the earth. “Who is there?”
Ladimira tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear as she stepped timidly into view. “I, uh…I heard splashing.”
Halan relaxed. “Ah. Well, I am sorry I woke you.” He turned back to his washing without saying anything else.
“Um…well, goodnight, then.” Ladimira waved awkwardly, turned, and began walking back to the camp.
“Goodnight.” Halan did not turn to look at her for a few moments. But when he did, he found her looking back as well. Their eyes met. Ladimira smiled, blushing, and hurried away.
● ● ●
“You think too loudly, brother.” Kassandra laughed, taking a seat across from him around the morning fire.
He raised an eyebrow in response. “Pardon?”
“If you like her—”
“Kassandra!” Halan glanced around nervously to find Ladimira asleep and Naiosa in the distance, staring at that knife again.
“—then just tell her.” She sized him up in one look and nodded. “Yes. You are neither old, fat, conceited, nor miserable, as far as I can tell.” Kassandra contained her laughter with effort and smiled. “Just tell her, Halan.”
He sighed. “I cannot do that, Kassandra. What would I say to her?”
Kassandra shrugged and rose to her feet, brushing off the legs of her pants. “Whatever it was that you thought last night.” She cast him a smile and then went to wake her friend.
“Ladimira,” Kassandra said as she knelt and poked her friend in the arm. “Wake up. Doctor’s orders.”
The woman groaned. “Must I?” Nevertheless, Ladimira rolled over and sat up groggily.
Kassandra pulled her to her feet and led her to Halan, who was rummaging through his pack. “Here is your patient.” She smiled and walked away, feeling rather chipper—more than she usually did.
“G’morning,” Ladimira muttered, wringing her hands together nervously as she took a seat beside Halan.
Having retrieved clean bandages and the bottle of ointment from his bag, Halan looked up and caught her eye. “Morning.” He shifted so that he sat behind her and carefully began peeling the bloodied bandage away. “This will likely hurt,” he warned. She nodded, and he tore the bandage away swiftly.
Ladimira held her breath as the bandage came free, but the pain was minimal. “Did you, um…did you sleep well?” she ventured.
“Honestly?” he spread the salve onto her skin as gently as the roughness of his hands would allow. “I hardly slept at all.”
“Why is that?” Ladimira asked, clenching her fists tightly as the fiery pain spread across her skin, trying to keep the conversation alive.
“Sorry.” Halan shrugged. “I just needed time to think, I suppose. My mind was not on sleep last night.”
Ladimira relaxed as he began bandaging the wound up again. “Where was it?”
Halan paused, wondering if he should say. Somewhere in the distance, Kassandra began coughing.
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***I read your story chapter after chapter without so much as a pause... The imagery was great and your style of writing had me wanting to seek out the next page without interruption. I guess this is known as a "page turner".
I did however find a few typos, if you were to reread the story slowly, I'm sure you would see the mistskes. Also if you would separate the dialogue from the written paragraphs, it might make it easier for the reader to know when someone is speaking.
I did find myself wondering as well, of what the time or era the story was written, that can usually be said and done in the first paragraph of the story itself. Considering that they travel by horse back, I know that it must be an era of at least the early eighteen hundreds.
I was also really intrigued with the mental link between some of your characters... I know twins can actually be that way some times, but to add another who isn't family was absolutely.... "cool"! I do hope that you will have more of this story, because I will most definitely want to continue reading the story. You have succeeded in creating a "fan" of me, so I will be looking for more of your work...write on!
Rusti Fae***



Hello Anna-
Oh my goodness!!! This work is absolutely outstanding! A couple thingsunclear though-
makes it sound a little like this woman is the Queen, not a goddess.
also- what are the rumors? who screamed?
is Kirrime a country, a city, a parallel universe, what?
i have to say, you did an exellant job of descriptions- they do not drag the reader away from the storyline, but rather give the reader a clear idea of what everything looks like. i can picture everythin in my head from those descriptions!
how can halan disappear if hes not a god? special powers, magic, etc?
hope you can clarify and hope this helps!
~Fainne