Hearts and Minds, Chapter 4: Chapter Three: Enter She
action, fantasy, fiction, drama, novel
Published on:
Apr. 1, 2008, 5:43amWord Count:
1566Work Description
My first (and only) novel; I've been working on it off and on for almost three years, and though I'm still not even close to finishing it, I'm getting closer with every word, right? :)
Chapter Description
Enter she, another stranger.
This work is archived and isn't accepting critiques or comments. Why?
Print
Just tell her!
He continued wrapping the wound, saying nothing until he had finished and had begun packing his supplies away, then spoke softly, his voice shaky and his tongue faltering. “I was thinking about a woman I know. Actually, I hardly know her at all.”
“Oh?” Her voice was light and anxious, wishing him to continue. “What is she like, this mystery woman of yours?”
Her question startled him, but he regained his composure as best he could. “She is kind and brave and trusting. And beautiful! The brightest of stars in the sky could not outshine her.” He stared fondly off into the distance before he realized that the woman he spoke of was sitting beside him.
“Does she have a name? Or will she forever be a mystery?” Ladimira scooted closer, watching him with a smile on her face. “Perhaps I know her.”
He shook his head. “I…I do not think that you do.”
Tell her!
Halan shrugged. “I pray she will not remain a mystery.”
“Perhaps you should just tell her. I am quite certain that she feels the same about you as you feel for her.” She rested an elbow on her knee and her chin in her hand.
“You are?” He looked over at her, one corner of his mouth turning upwards in an uncertain smile.
“Absolutely.” Ladimira smiled. “After all of the men her father has likely introduced her to, a pleasant man like you would most certainly catch her eye.”
“Old, fat, conceited, miserable men?”
She laughed. “All of them.” Ladimira grinned as he reached for her hand nervously and raised it to his lips. “Absolutely.”
The skies opened above suddenly, and the rain fell upon them.
Ladimira cursed. Why does it have to rain? Of all of the perfect moments to be ruined… “We should get going,” she said quickly, standing up and offering him a hand. “The water will soak the ground, and the horses will not be able to travel far.”
He noticed Naiosa tilting her head towards the sky as she pulled the hood of her cloak closer around her face, masking the white tips of her hair. Halan took her hand and rose to his feet with a nod, reaching into the bag at his side for a cloak of his own. “The closer we can get to town, the better.”
Rate This Work
Your honest rating will help the author improve, and you'll earn a little karma too.
Please log in to rate.Discussion
***I read your story chapter after chapter without so much as a pause... The imagery was great and your style of writing had me wanting to seek out the next page without interruption. I guess this is known as a "page turner".
I did however find a few typos, if you were to reread the story slowly, I'm sure you would see the mistskes. Also if you would separate the dialogue from the written paragraphs, it might make it easier for the reader to know when someone is speaking.
I did find myself wondering as well, of what the time or era the story was written, that can usually be said and done in the first paragraph of the story itself. Considering that they travel by horse back, I know that it must be an era of at least the early eighteen hundreds.
I was also really intrigued with the mental link between some of your characters... I know twins can actually be that way some times, but to add another who isn't family was absolutely.... "cool"! I do hope that you will have more of this story, because I will most definitely want to continue reading the story. You have succeeded in creating a "fan" of me, so I will be looking for more of your work...write on!
Rusti Fae***
Hello Anna-
Oh my goodness!!! This work is absolutely outstanding! A couple thingsunclear though-
makes it sound a little like this woman is the Queen, not a goddess.
also- what are the rumors? who screamed?
is Kirrime a country, a city, a parallel universe, what?
i have to say, you did an exellant job of descriptions- they do not drag the reader away from the storyline, but rather give the reader a clear idea of what everything looks like. i can picture everythin in my head from those descriptions!
how can halan disappear if hes not a god? special powers, magic, etc?
hope you can clarify and hope this helps!
~Fainne