Thanks for the critique! I had another begining wrote for this piece, but decided not to use it. I think that is why it was so awkward. With the description, I guess I just want my readers to see what I see. I will definately use what you suggested. Sorry it took so long to get back, college has started back up! Thanks again!

Hi Annie: Thanks for the Critique. I'll use some of your suggestions as soon as I can get my laptop up and running again. Sorry for the late appreciation message.

Thanks Annie! Your comments are great and will help tighten the story. Much appreciated!

Me too. I wrote about 16 critiques, got about 11 back, and roughly one of them was any good. Haven't touched it much beyond the forums in a while now.

Oh no. I was looking forward to more chapters! Oh well, I know the feeling. I copy and paste critiques into my manuscripts cause I like to put off re-writes until I'm in a more pedantic mood. <grin>

thanx again for the comment on my story! I'm reading your two beginnings and will post my thoughts

gashlycrumb tinies!!! love those poor lil guys!

I've been reading your critiques, good stuff

I edited my chapter a little using your critique, thanks again. Hopefully I can get the next chapter up within the week, though I'm not sure. Just moved house etc. Hopefully I'll get another great crit from you, I'll be sure to return the favour once I get online for more than 5minutes at a time

Thank you for the crit of Totem Annie. You've nicely isolated a POV problem area and solved it perfectly. I tend to think in camera angles as if I'm writing a film scene and mess POV up all the time.I appreciate your good insight and complimentary encouragement.