Scribophile

Lost of A True Love

Actions
Bookmarking
Remove these ads
poetry, romance, young adult
1st
Draft

Published on:

April 12, 8:03pm

Word Count:

379

Work Description

As memories crept up on her,
Tears came trickling down her cheeks.
They formed a pool in the hollows of her eyes,
Before splashing onto the photograph below.
The photograph was of her and her beloved ex-boyfriend,
Who left her at the height of their relationship,
For a reason she did not know.
With the last tear slowly seeping down,
She whispered to herself,
"I can't do this anymore."
The sorrow girl now realized what she hadn't known before;
He had been utterly deceitful with her,
Saying she was beautiful;
The best thing that could have ever happened to him;
That she was the only person he wanted to be with the rest of his life.
And she fell for those convincing lies.
She tugged on her hair,
Sniffling,
As she grabbed his last letter.
She heard the buzz of an engine driving down the street,
An engine sounding like his car.
Was that him?
Could that be him checking on her?
How could he not miss her as much as she missed him?
All the memories left behind made her do nothing but weep.
They had been through so much together,
And he had to leave it all behind for nothing.
Recalling the incredible sensation he had made her feel,
That she was something for once in her life,
His parting made her deem that she will never love again.
He was the one for her,
And she told him that.
But he never understood how much she loved him
And what she would do for him.
He never thought that she loved him as hard as she does.
And now that she is trying to forget the memories of them,
He will never know that she felt the same for him that he felt for her.
The real reason why he broke up with her is
Because he was too afraid,
He was too afraid to be rejected
By the one he loved the most.
But she never knew that he felt this way towards her,
But she will never know this,
Because he will always be afraid to tell the love of his life
The feelings that he has for her,
And by the time he's able to tell her his feelings,
She'll be over him.

This work is archived. This work is archived and isn't accepting critiques or comments.  Why?
Page: 1
Print WorkPrint

 

As memories crept up on her,
Tears came trickling down her cheeks.
They formed a pool in the hollows of her eyes,
Before splashing onto the photograph below.
The photograph was of her and her beloved ex-boyfriend,
Who left her at the height of their relationship,
For a reason she did not know.
With the last tear slowly seeping down,
She whispered to herself,
"I can't do this anymore."
The sorrow girl now realized what she hadn't known before;
He had been utterly deceitful with her,
Saying she was beautiful;
The best thing that could have ever happened to him;
That she was the only person he wanted to be with the rest of his life.
And she fell for those convincing lies.
She tugged on her hair,
Sniffling,
As she grabbed his last letter.
She heard the buzz of an engine driving down the street,
An engine sounding like his car.
Was that him?
Could that be him checking on her?
How could he not miss her as much as she missed him?
All the memories left behind made her do nothing but weep.
They had been through so much together,
And he had to leave it all behind for nothing.
Recalling the incredible sensation he had made her feel,
That she was something for once in her life,
His parting made her deem that she will never love again.
He was the one for her,
And she told him that.
But he never understood how much she loved him
And what she would do for him.
He never thought that she loved him as hard as she does.
And now that she is trying to forget the memories of them,
He will never know that she felt the same for him that he felt for her.
The real reason why he broke up with her is
Because he was too afraid,
He was too afraid to be rejected
By the one he loved the most.
But she never knew that he felt this way towards her,
But she will never know this,
Because he will always be afraid to tell the love of his life
The feelings that he has for her,
And by the time he's able to tell her his feelings,
She'll be over him.
Page: 1
Rate This Work

Your honest rating will help the author improve.

Please log in to rate.

Discussion

 Hello, Ashley McGrain! I liked you poem, but there are some things in this poem that you must omit and take out. These are mostly very tiny errors, but take them out because these errors were not need to be in the poem, the commas.

As memories crept up on her,

 

You do not need the comma in this sentence. That goes for most poems, some of your comma prone lines and stanzas can say there, mostly because you were quoting something that the characters were saying in your poem. Also, you do not need a semi colon for that line that says "Saying that she was beautiful;" All in all, this was great and this story will be even greater if you remove some of the commas that thrive in your poem. I hoped that I helped you and I look forward to reading more of your works (Or poems for that matter). Take care!

Hi there- hope this finds you doing well.

 

Good write -- the main character does a nice job expressing her sorrow and pain, therefore bringing us deep into her soul to where all that pain lies.

This sentence may need to be corrected I think:

The sorrow girl now realized what she hadn't known before;

Maybe it should be: The sorrow FILLED girl now realized what she hadn't known before, or The girl now filled with sorrow, realized what she hadn't known before.

Nice use of vivid words to pain a picture.

Thanks for sharing with us,

Poetic Curves

Remove these ads