Great poem  by the way. I will get back to this piece when I have time. Here is what I have to say, you are correct in this happening every day. I was really asking one question about this though, what are you trying to inspire people with? I know, I know this is a great piece / poem / work that you have done not to long ago, but where is your inspiration being based from? You should have this in mind when you say that you are trying hard to inspire people just from reading this piece of work. I really, really, really hope that you have kept that in mind and successfully inspire people. For now, take care!

 Ashley this talks to me, I have seen it so many times I almost lose count, but I dont I keep on couting, and helping, and

"This is not an intervention. I'm not asking, I'm telling/I walk up to you, don't be afraid. I've watched you throw your life away. You're getting a new one today."

That is how I feel every time my life inter twines with someone who needs an "intervention" even when they say they dont need it, I give it. I have to say this gives me hope, that there are others out there who feel the same.

All in all I dont feel that this needs any work, yea its not 110% but nothing is. Keep it up.

 Hey Ashley,

I am a recovering addict, so my views on this are a little bit different that most people who simply witness the destruction of drugs and alcohol abuse.  You can see in most of my writings I have themes of want, lust, desire, and destruction which all go hand in hand with drug/alcohol abuse.

The rhyme and meter felt a little off to me in places - you have a nice smooth meter and then the wrench line thats off and it throws off the tempo and takes away from the work and the content.  The rhymes almost sound forced in places - its ok to write freeverse - not every poem rhymes, in fact most don't in my experience

I was a little thrown off between the weed and the crack early on - its two different drugs and I couldn't put my finger on which one (or is it both?) that the narrator was trying to save him from?  the primary antagonist seemed to be the weed, but the line about crack kind of confused me, knowing the significant difference between the two.

Also - there are a couple lines from the narrator, "I blame the father" but she goes on to say: "I don't know you"....there is also a conflict with:

 "I want him near so I bring him close"

- this is a great line, but it doesn't fit with the history of the narrator and the addict....might want to clarify that a little bit.

Little insight to an addict - we don't love living when we are high or chasing it.  On a large whole we hate life and everything in it - especially those of us in the throws of addiction.  Sobriety changes that view (thank god) but as an active addict NOTHING matters but the drug, including your own life and those around you...so:

Even though he loves living, he cannot stop, so he doesn't give in.

 

this line will throw anyone that knows about active addiction.

Little spellcheck error:

Abusung himself

This line is a little awkward to me....might want to think about rewording:

As it rains it gets worse. Every raindrop is a teardrop. Every teardrop is pain.

The ending is very strong from a 3rd party perspective.  The escalation to IV drug use is one that most drug addicts get to eventually because other use just plain stops working.  IV use is pretty much the worst you can do  - but realize again you have painted him as a pot head, not a hard core addict like heroin or coke or crystal meth which are the three most commonly shot - so you may want to clarify what exactly this addict's addiction is too ... FEW addicts are "waste buckets" that will take anything they can - we all have a DOC (Drug of Choice) that we prefer and his is not clearly defined here....

Overall I thought the work was great, Ashley, there is clearly a lot of emotion behind it and a lot of feeling behind the cause of helping people like the addict here.  I loved the overall concept and I think a little fine tuning will cause the work to really leap off the page at your reader and pull at the heartstrings.

Great job!   Keep writing!

If you are looking for a good site to join to help inspire writing, check out www.12writingworkshopsonline.com - it has classes (free) for everything from freewriting to short stories, conflict building, etc.  Might be able to use some of the classwork toward your poetry too. 

 Ashley,

  This is a tremendous piece. I have felt a lot of the things you say here when I see homeless addicts on the street. It breaks my heart to see them there, living that way.

 I especially liked the line:

The mirror is where he looks. He looks harder. His face the streets have took.

 

Living a life of addiction on the streets ages people fast and leaves it's marks on them forever. Some are unrecognizable to their family and friends. I have seen it. They can't even recognize themself in the mirror, like you wrote there.

The really sad thing however is that many of them are unwilling to accept help for one reason or another, and as I have learned the hard way, you cannot save somebody from them self. If they decide that they want to change, they can. But it has to be their decision and until they are ready, it can't be forced on them.

You have a generous heart full of compassion and it shines through in your poetry. Keep writing!

XOxo~Drea