Hi Babs,

My first comment is that the writing is of a very high calibre. I found this one flowed all the way through. But this time, my first grouse is that I simply can't believe that a girl going on 18 wouldn't know what virginity is. I know Vera or Beth had a hard time believing it. They did express misgivings, but they came round too quickly. At least, that's what I think. If this is based on personal experience, I can't argue, but if this is based on the experiences of a friend who related it to you, I would take it with a pinch of salt. In any event, this is going to be hard for any reader to swallow.

Another thing that bothered me was the order of the opening of this chapter. You start by telling us she had no friends and was as lonely as ever. Then you tell us you had started a first name friendship with Beth. You can't have it both ways. This sort of thing annoys a reader. Let me offer an editing idea of how you can solve this problem. Take it for what it's worth.

My shyness and ignorance held me back from making friends and I was as lonely as ever.  I wrote to Mother daily, and received a daily letter from her, and an occasional box of cookies. Beth was the only girl with whom I established a first name friendship. You don’t share an area, stand inspections, polish shoes and buttons, scrub floors and dust under your footlocker with another human being without getting somewhat beyond the first stages.  She was a neat, tidy, round little girl with black curly hair and an uncontrollable bounce in her walk, which had earned her many reprimands on the parade ground.  She looked like a bag of moving cantaloupes whenever she tried to hurry anywhere. 

Absolutely hilarious.

Lovely work!

Pretty much the only thing I didn't like was:

“Just remember that the ratio of males to females on this base is approximately 475 to 1, which means that 474 out of 475 of the males are horny.”

Though I can't think of anything to fix it with.

There was also somewhere that was missing a "to", but I got too engrossed in reading and can't find it again.  oops!

I want to go along with what others have written and say that I enjoyed reading this so far and will continue to read any future installments. It flows very well and keeps the reader's interest. I read the first chapter and afterward immediately read the next because I wanted to see what happened next and because I didn't want to stop reading. You use a very "comfortable" writing style I'd say, like someone relating a story one-on-one to a listener. This piece really does read as if it were a memoir of true events (I'm not sure to what extent the story is based on true events, but you seem to know what you're talking about).

There may be some errors here or there, but none that stick out to me at this time. Just two little issues. It did seem a bit unbelievable that someone of the narrator's age wouldn't even know what a virgin is, but as you said it's a very real possibility. I'd just like in the context of the story if you explained why she was so ignorant. Is it because of the time period and the fact that she's a woman? Why didn't her parents ever explain the birds and the bees to her, and is that a common thing among her friends back home, or is there something specific about her parents and uprbringing? Just curious more than anything. And just wondering why the recruits are called "troops" if they're in the Air Force. I'm sure you know a lot more than me, but I'm just wondering if that is their designation just during initial training, or if they're always called that and not a term more analogous to "airmen" (or is that term only reserved for pilots)?

But anyway, great job so far, look forward to reading more.

I agree with Britain, if you want us to believe she did not know what virginity meant, you have to give us a good reason and we have to find it in the characters of her parents and herself. She's been through school, hasn't she? Don't tell me no one discussed sex with her ever. So an explanation is definitiely needed if you want your readers to believe in the beautiful innocence and naivite of this otherwise truely charming character.

 hi, babs--

loved it! i read through completely engrossed, and was disappointed when i finished the last page. that's all? aw. looking forward to the next installment!

as for the believability of a young woman ignorant of the facts of life, i can completely believe such a thing. for the time, a sheltered proper young woman could easily reach her honeymoon without specific knowledge of anything sexual. you've created a real, flesh-and-blood character with andrea and i'm loving following her through her basic training.

thanks for the superb read!

I had made no friends, and was as lonely as ever.

This seems conflicting as she easily talk to people throughout the rest of this chapter.

You’re here to learn to soldier.

"..to be a soldier." sounds MUCH better.

She asked me about myself, and succeeded in establishing my age, social status, home area and various reactions to the Air Force. 

Just then Beth, the only girl with whom I had established a first name friendship, came and sat on her bunk facing me.
You don’t share an area, stand inspections, polish shoes and buttons, scrub floors and dust under your footlocker with another human being without getting somewhat beyond the first stages.

These sentences need commas. "...home area, and various..." "Just then, Beth, the only..." "...scrub floors, and dust under..."

“ass and its ramifications, bastard, bitch and her sons, blow job, bugger, cock and its variations, cunt, fuck in all tenses and forms

Quotation marks needed at the end of the little triad of words here.

“Damn it, you idiot, where did you learn all those words?  And do you have any idea what any of them mean?

Again, quotation marks needed at the end of the sentence.

As I ate my second sundae that day I considered letting out the side seams on my summer uniform jacket, and so was not aware of the hesitant approach of another person until his shadow fell into my gooey dish.

If she was unaware, how did she know it was a hesitant approach?

“Would you like to sit down?” I asked, in what was supposed to be a Vera-like voice, full of warm corners and round edges.

How does the sound of a voice convey corners and edges?

I neither drank coffee nor smoked cigarettes, but I soon discovered that drinking coffee was an adequate way to stay occupied in the PX when you had nothing to do but people-watch and were completely full of ice cream.

Why mention cigarettes in this instance? He didn't ask her for one until later, but this gives the connection of coffee and cigarettes together even though they're not. Sure, caffeine and nicotine are addictions, but not THAT closely related.

I neither drank coffee nor smoked cigarettes, but I soon discovered that drinking coffee was an adequate way to stay occupied in the PX when you had nothing to do but people-watch and were completely full of ice cream. 

Switch "people-watch" to "watch people"

The young man brought back a thick china mug full of evil-looking PX coffee and put it in front of me before he sat down. 

I like this description. My coffee looks like the devil at times.

“I’m Andrea Collins,” I offered.  Then I stared at my coffee as he took out a pack of cigarettes and offered me one.  “No, thanks,” I said.  He lit a cigarette for himself, and said, “Most people call me Gus.”

 

You mix up his and her interactions. Be sure to separate the two so that he has his own paragraph and she has her own.

My mechanical aptitude is pretty high, and that’s what I want.

Quotation marks needed at the end of this sentence.

“Yes, I guess I’d better,” I said, and stood up too, to discover that he was a little taller than I.“Why don’t you come back to the PX about 60 and we’ll go for a walk or something?” he said.

Again, mixing up his and her interactions.

“No,” I said blankly.  “I couldn’t see into the bar, I could only hear what they were saying.”

How does she deduce the fact that the bar has some meaning for the gesture Vera uses? In no way does it talk about the words she used earlier, so this makes a HUGE assumption that cannot be supported.

Sgt. Bevins had half risen from her table to come over, and Beth caught her eye to indicate that everything was all right.  Turning back to us, she said, “Look.  Just finish up, and let’s go.”  We finished our meal in silence, got up, dumped our trays in the clipper room and started back to the barracks.

This doesn't seem believable to me. An N.C.O. wouldn't pay much attention to what a private or recruit would want them to do and would continue on toward the table.

We talked for a while and he wants me to meet him back there this evening to go for a walk or something, he said.

The "he said" on the end is not needed, take it away.

I gather,” I replied, “that neither of you are virgins, and you don’t look much the worse for wear.

Quotation marks needed at the beginning of the sentence.

The writing is improving, but there are still some problems concerning the correctness of what certain people would do and react to. The flow was constant most of the time, but there were a few places where the interactions between characters were somewhat mixed and shaky. Again, I like the idea of the time and setting of the story, but the premise behind it, the innocence of the main character, just seems a bit unbelievable, especially considering you mention how high her marks in high school were.

 What a lovely work, Babs! I can't wait to read the rest of it. It's the best biography I've read since "Vivir para Contarla" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I hope you write a dozen more books when you finish this one.

It was possible in my lifetime for a girl in the 1970s to not know the meaning of the words menstruation or virginity. It has also been possible in my lifetime for women not to begin menstruation until 18 to 20 years of age. Much of that has changed due to sex education in public schools and hormones in the meat most people consume in 1st world countries. Follow your heart, Babs, the writing is smooth and the characters jump out of the page to greet me with each page I turn.

It also comes to mind: Those who can, do; those who can't, teach. You are one of the few people who have managed to do both in your very fascinating life. Kudos!

 I could have had a pass  (to) San Antonio, but I didn’t know anyone well enough to ask for company and didn’t want to go alone. 

The story is engrossing but the naitivity is too much.  Where she heard the words and when she heard the words in her life, she would have asked what they meant. Your character can know these words meanings and still be innocent. Knowing and acting on them are miles apart.

The writing was very fluid and the pace just right. The reader wants to like the character but can't believe her. Like I said, from my own life I learned what sex was all about by talking with my friends back in the 4th grade in the 50s. As a teacher, I overheard second graders talking about sex. Fifth graders were flirting and dressing sexy. I'm proof that even an older person was not that sheltered from the world of sex as far as "knowing" about it.