Even though I'm not a terribly religious person, I think this was a lovely and moving piece of poetry. You speak with a passion and conviction that is presented honestly and confidently to your readers.

We share this incredible, intense feeling of joy because we know you’re so close to, to being right there

This line is the only one I stumbled on, right at the second comma. I think it would flow much better if you removed the comma altogether and took out the second "to", or perhaps just rewording that sentence ending altogether.

Nice piece Thanks for the read, and good luck!

The free-verse style feels, most times, too much like prose to work well. If it is going to work, the language must be very dense, and there is a lot here that fills space between ideas. The problem with it is that it bespeaks poor craftsmanship more than stylistic choice. Not that you have bad craftsmanship per se, but that the style is frequently used for that reason, and so that perception bleeds over here. Free-verse should not be the an attempt to free your poetry, but an addition used for effect.

As for content, I do have a few gripes.

It seems very light on metaphor. It may just be my tastes in poetry, but I'm not finding a lot to really challenge my perceptions, or change my view of the world. It doesn't strike me and make me view something in a new light. When it is used, the figurative language seems trite. For example:

watch as they go forth from my lips and rise

which is all well and good, as far as figurative language goes, but what does it tell me? I understand that the words are rising, it's assumed based on the speaker's goal (prayer), so "rising" is implied. Beyond that, seeing the words going upward is nothing new, that image has been used and reused more times than it honestly deserves.

But consequently no one said it would be this hard either

That is redundant. Either use consequently or either, they're not both necessary.

For He quietly sheds a tear for you out of His love for you

"For" is beaten rather badly by this line. Three times in one line is excessive, to say the least. It's also very distracting from the reading, as I pause for a moment and wonder what just happened. Splitting that into multiple lines or using a different preposition would be the two best routes, I think. Just depends on what you feel works best.

So keep going, keep seeking, keep…questioning

I find this problematic. The repetition of "keep" give the line structure, but the ellipsis then adds an abrupt stop to the line that seems to change the entire feel of this section of the poem. What I mean is that the ellipsis there seems to remove the "questioning" from the what precedes it in the line. So the "keep going, keep seeking, keep..." and "questioning for He will give you what your heart truly desires" seem to be separated into two distinct clauses, which, I assume, you did not intend. That could just be the way I'm reading it, but I found that choice of punctuation to be distracting.

Well, that's the most egregious offenses dealt with. Really, the worst of it is that there's just not much figurative language at all. It's mostly a string of ideas, written almost in prose, broken into lines for emphasis. I think there's emotion here - it seemed to me that there was - but it feels stifled by the fact that the presentation is so bland.

It's not all bad though. Like I mentioned, there is emotion here. So, even though your language smothers the work as a whole, there seems to be enough humanity in it that shines through to, at the very least, make me believe you felt something writing it. That should be the goal in a poem like this: to convey an emotion that one feels through the language of the poem. It's there, but I just don't think it came across well because of the way it is written.

Keep writing, I'd like to see this improved.

I'm going to second a number of Scott's issues with the work, and perhaps add a few of my own. To emphasize, you definitely need to build on imagery, metaphor, simile, any number of writing tools to bring your poem to a deeper level of complexity. I don't picture this piece as a poem so much as a eulogy to be read at a funeral. Call me a heathen, but this poem is filled with religious rhetoric that, frankly, I've heard before. Don't take that as an insult--I fully respect your outlet of what are obviously genuine feelings for this person's life. However, there's little here that brings it away from something that's been done before. The act of poetry, at least within public contexts, needs to bring new ideas, new ways of thinking. In regards to new ideas, you must agree that nearly all of what is seen in this poem has been said in famous sermons, speeches, or the Bible.

This isn't to say, of course, that the work is a wreck. Certainly, there are plenty of images you can easily run with throughout this piece. Take any one of the oft-used descriptions--crying, for example--and develop it further, make it your own, and you'll have a perfectly presentable poem.

Also--and I'll be honest, my personal convictions affect this--it might allow you to appeal to a larger audience if you cut back on some of the overt religiosity in the poem. Before I open a firebrand of debate on this forum, I am not trying to demean your personal beliefs by saying this, nor am I trying to put down the Christian faith. However, being so overtly religious can easily turn off readers who are of different faiths or beliefs than you, even of those of the same faith. By all means, express your beliefs, but such blatant use of religion seems almost overdone and pushy. I don't ask you to remove all evidence of your personal convictions--just move it beyond simply religious rhetoric, make it yours. Don't say what you hear the others say; take their words and develop something distinctly you.

good poem i like it and i think that was good because of the way you put such a broad subject and i am a Christian and i love this poem because it is such a good poem!!!!!

 I have been dealing with such a hard time in my life, and to be honest...I needed this.  I know this was written because of your concerns for you friend, but this reached me also.

My life has been hit with many burdens and I keep trying to strive forward.  I am not religious, nor am I spiritual... but lately many of my friends have come to be begging for me to attend church with them.  Telling me that God could help me get through these times and trials in my life... 

I think I was supposed to read this right now... in three hours I am going to my first church service in three years, it is a pretty huge step for me and I just.... feel something inside of me right now that I can not explain.

But I thank you for writing this... because it reached me on a level I can not describe.

I agree with Karissa about the quote:

"We share this incredible, intense feeling of joy because we know you’re so close to, to being right there"

the flow stops right at the second comma and the second "to" is redundant. 

I read the article that said poetry had to be more than sentences placed in the format of a poem.  I've been thinking a lot about that, and about my own tendency to do the same.  I think it is correct in saying that that kind of poetry is too easy.  Your words are heartfelt and sure, but they read as a prayer more than a poem.  On the other hand, I would want a friend to care about me as lovingly as you do.  Keep it up.

This poem is so true. I like how your description of your poem said, that you did this for your friend. It's really touching...

I just like this poem...

Good luck! Keep up the good work!

=nicole05

 I like the meaning behind this.  think your friend is lucky to have someone like you looking out for them. Keep up the good work.

 your friend is very lucky to a have a great friend like you and i love the way you wrote this

Beautiful. I love to see this kind of caring in the world, it's not oft found these days. Good work. The way you portrayed your emotions was great. Keep it up.

"No one said life would be easy But consequently no one said it would be this hard either

 

"

 I can tell by your work that your an honest loving person. This really gave me the chills. This is one of the best peices I've read in a long time. I was extremely for me to read. You are a very gifted person and I encourage you to keep writing. when God gives someone a gift he expects that person to the fullest and that's exactly what you're doing and I can't say that about anyone. This peice was the softest, heart warming, eye opening peice I've really ever read. Keep up the good work.

 this is a very spiritual poem.  i like it a lot.  it really spoke to me and it was something that i could relate to.

 Wow, this is deep. You did a great job in setting a mood or tone. I especially like the fact of how you relate "father" to a spiritual character. Reading this i got the chills and can honestly feel how you feel for the person your talking for. I had situations with friends in my past and this is truely something that i could have used to say to them so that they were reminded they are love and cared for. Great job on writing such a touching piece! I'm new to this site so ill look into the rest of your work!

-E.C