Darkness to Darkness
nature, short story, science fiction, fantasy
Published on:
July 29, 9:28pmWord Count:
2222Last Edited:
August 10, 1:54amWork Description
A nail-biting first person thrill ride through the life of a modestly sized plant.
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I remember darkness.
Not a simple, straight-forward absence of light, but rather a far
deeper depth of black, possible only in complete ignorance of the
very concept of light. Time, space, life itself held no
meaning to me. The only thing differentiating now from the
infinite period of nothingness before was a slowly burgeoning
awareness of self. I hold no great store of memories from
this period, no wealth of profound musings sparked in those first
tangled moments of life. Adrift, my newly minted
consciousness slowly began to center around a singular idea:
growth. There was no true grasp of the notion, I was simply
filled with a latent and uncontrollable need to become more than I
was.
Quite suddenly my existence took
on an entirely new dimension. My body, of its own volition,
began to take this lofty new notion of growth and apply it.
The tiny shell of my being slowly broke apart and spread outwards,
and the darkness receded into a thousand shades of gray, blazing
bright to my newfound senses. For the first time the world
around me took on definition, but in truth, I scarcely noticed.
Growth now consumed me.
From my first tiny, introspective
spark of life, roots burst forth in all directions, burrowing
mercilessly through whatever lay in their path. I reached both up
and outwards, discovering in the dark soil around me the energy I
needed to grow still more. Gradually as my expansion took on
more focus, my progression to the sides began to slow, and all the
energy my roots gathered went towards stretching my body ever
upwards. I thickened while growing thinner, my base taking on
girth while my upward motion was guided by little more than a
slender shoot, driven by a desperate instinctual need to reach
something, though I knew not what. Suddenly I reached my
goal, and everything changed.
I find it ironic that, while I
have since lived a full lifetime, the most profound moment I can
ever recall is that first instant, as I broke the surface of my
subterranean nursery. There was no graduated increase in
illumination, no period for adjustment. One instant there was
nothing but gray and grayer, and the next instant the world
exploded in light and warmth and life. Nothing else has ever
come close to the singular perfection of that sublime moment, as I
first blossomed from the ground, and the dazzling brightness of the
sun first blossomed within my senses.
What happened next was a stark
contrast to that moment. All plants have a natural, innate
sense of their surroundings, though they neither see nor
hear. My first instinctual act, after my initial jubilation
upon achieving the surface faded, was to reach with this sense, to
seek my own kind and inform them of my arrival. It was then
that I felt the counterpoint to my earlier exultation. Hope
swelled, only to be quickly followed by a crashing wave of
disappointment. I sensed life all around, indeed the ground
abounded with it, but all alien to me. I felt no answering glow of
awareness among the assorted greenery, save for a dim, fleeting
flicker among the tallest and most ancient. The kinship I
sought was nowhere to be found amid all this bustling flora.
For long moments I lost all sense of purpose, adrift alone in this
sea of foreign life. My disappointment eventually faded,
however, set aside in the face of more pressing needs. I had
little choice in the matter. I was a plant. Alone in
radiant sunlight, I grew.
Ahh, sunlight. I quickly
came to understand that there is nothing more important to all
things green and growing than those wayward strands of golden
light, and the brilliant orb which spawns them. Perhaps it
would be most accurate to compare it to some all encompassing
religion, for the sun was both our god and our provider. Our
entire lives were spent striving ever skyward towards that
unreachable golden globe, and we maimed and murdered mercilessly
for its life giving attention. In its blazing glory we
thrived, and on its callous whims we starved. Luckily for me,
I seemed to be in good standing with this capricious
god.
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This was a fun piece to read. Your use of imagery
was phenomenal. Also, the matter-of-fact tone that you
developed throughout the piece not only created a sort of dry wit,
but it worked very well as characterization...if you can call a
plant a character. 
I thought this also played well into
the idea of intelligence, because your plant seemed intelligent and
very self aware.
There were so many lines that captured the essence of a plant so well, and yet seemed to say so much about human nature at the same time. I think that was the element of the story that I was impressed with the most. This gave the piece so much dimension and life.
As far as critiques go, I felt that the beginning was a little bit drawn out. I really like the first paragraph, but I kind of lost interest until the section about sunlight. Some of the details in between, while very well worded, seemed a little excessive.
Other than that, I really enjoyed reading the piece and look forward to reading more from you.
Sorry...I meant for this to be a critique for you, but I must have accidentily pushed the comment button. I am new to the site...lol.
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This was a fun piece to read. Your use of imagery was
phenomenal. Also, the matter-of-fact tone that you developed
throughout the piece not only created a sort of dry wit, but it
worked very well as characterization...if you can call a plant a
character. 
I thought this also played well into the idea of
intelligence, because your plant seemed intelligent and very self
aware.
There were so many lines that captured the essence of a plant so well, and yet seemed to say so much about human nature at the same time. I think that was the element of the story that I was impressed with the most. This gave the piece so much dimension and life.
As far as critiques go, I felt that the beginning was a little bit drawn out. I really like the first paragraph, but I kind of lost interest until the section about sunlight. Some of the details in between, while very well worded, seemed a little excessive.
Other than that, I really enjoyed reading the piece and look forward to reading more from you.
The concept was amazingly unique. What little there is (I
can recal no specific examples) written from the perspective of
plants never makes them special plants in any way, I geuss most
people feel that just writing about a plant is special
enough. The ending was great, and opens up a world of
possibilities, especially since you've left the spefic nature of
the connection between this seven year old and the plant rather
vague. Also, I thought that his suicide to help the younger
plants was incredibly sweet, stupid (like most suicides), but
sweet. This is one of the best peices of non-professional
writing I have seen in a long time. Below I have noted
specifc points that I thought could use improvement. I've
also noticed a few things that I really liked.
" I was simply filled with a latent and uncontrollable need to
become more than I was. " I think you're misusing latent
here. Last time I checked, that meant that it was there, but
inactive. So while it might have been latent, if it's filling
anything, it isn't anymore, so "previously latent" might work
better.
"It must first be explained that all plants have a natural, innate
sense of their surroundings, though they neither see nor
hear." I don't think you need to say "it must first be
explained", and it takes the reader out of the "moment".
"Hope swelled, followed quickly by a crashing wave of
disappointment." To me this makes it sound to...fast...in a
way, too rushed, I guess. "only to be followed by" might
sound better than "followed qucikly by".
"I had little choice in the matter. I was a plant.
Alone in radiant sunlight, I grew. " Just wanted to say I
really liked these three sentences. It really gives a sense
of, among other things, how the plant might approach life if it
were something else. It's a very pragmatic way of looking at
the world, and I like that, and I like the idea of a pragmatic
plant. Plus it just sounds cool.
" While I had no companionship beyond the mindless flora
surrounding me", you used "flora" the last time you talked about
the plants around your main character, so it would probably sound
better to use another word. I'm inclined to say that
"mindless creatures" might be an interesting way of talking about
it, since, while the plants are obviously not creatures of any
sort, it's a comparisson that a plant that is more sentient, as
this one appears to be, might make.
"Such peace was not to last." I'd like to hear how the plant
(can we just call it "he"?), feels about the fact that the peace
was not to last, something like "alas", only less painfully
overused.
"and I must confess I tended to wax philosophical as they
inevitably withered and died." You've said "I must confess"
once before already, and it's not a phrase that bears use more than
once in a given peice of writing.
"each and every time some fledgling flora sprang to life and
quickly perished under the deadly covering of my broad
leaves" I just really like the phrase "fledgling flora", it's
a good alliteration that doesn't sound contived. Nicely
done.
"My senses grew stronger, and each day my senses wandered ever
further" You've said "my senses" twice here. I'm sure
you can think of a way to fix that.
Hi Ben, it's a very nice one indeed. Your writing has tremendous potential. What you need to do is read, read again, and once more. Then you find a lot of things you'd re-write, leave out, approach differently.
I (simply nit-picking again) would have added that the sun can also be a plant's deadly enemy and burn it to death - literally. That often the bigger leaves of older plants protect the young from that fierce sunlight and allow them to live etc etc ..
Quite refreshing. Thank you.
Quite honestly the best thing I've read on here so far.
VERY nice work!
My favourite line is:
Looking forward to more of similar calibre!