woah. completely different chapter one than from before, right? 

feedback to come later.

You have a nice piece of writing here.  I always enjoy speculative pieces.

So lets see what we have here!   A prologue that sets up the President as a slick-haired politician who seems to have fooled Emperor Yabure in thinking there will be peace when really their will be be unrest and possibly war.

Then we have a chapter that introduces Kael and Angela.  Kael is an excellent musician who gets called to do some government work in which Japanese is the source language.

So we have these questions:  What does the President have planned?  What is it, exactly, that Kael does?  What is the nature of his connection to Angela?  And what does all this have to do with the President and Emperor Yabure?

I would say that this is good.  For a prologue and a beginning chapter, you've been able to raise some questions, but I'm not sure if it is enough.  These questions exist, but they don't resonate.  I'm not left desiring more.  I would say this is because I'm not connected to the characters.  I don't feel empathy towards them.  The thought of the President betraying the Emperor isn't personal.  We don't know who the Emperor is, but we can only assume he doesn't deserve whatever it is that's coming to him.  Perhaps you could elaborate on who the Emperor is.  Or you could explain his motivations in signing the treaty.  I think it's important to humanize these characters and show their thoughts and motivations when necessary to give the reader that connection.

The same sort of idea goes for Kael and Angela.  The character sketch of Kael is wonderful.  As I read it about the piano playing I thought that was beautiful.  I had to check your profile because your knowledge of music seemed pretty thorough.  So Kael has some personality and some relatability, but I'd also like to hear more about Angela.  Give her some personality that makes her magnetic and charming. 

I don't usually recommend adding length, but this is one of those times that I think it'd be necessary.  Another reason I think this would help is because it might work out some ideas that you perhaps haven't thought of.  You can then cut cut cut down to a nice size if you'd like. 

The first paragraph I liked very much.  This is evidence of you great job with description.  You can also see this in your paragraph about Kael.  I like that you worked in the piano description.  Adding that knowledge about it made it personal. 

Here:

He flashed on the curly-haired business woman

I wasn't sure about the word "flash".  I think Kael is picturing her in his mind, but since this is told in 3rd Omniscient, you could actually be with Angela as she's making the call, allowing a description without having to be in the mind of Kael. 

You have a nice piece here.  According to your profile, you know Japanese, so it will be interesting to see how you incorporate that into your work.  You've also been able to bring in your love of music.  So you should be having some passion in it as you write.  You seem to write well, so keep it up!  I enjoyed the read.

 Hi, I just finished reading your other critique.  I would say at first read that he is  mostly right.

I was taken with your knowledge of music. It as either researched or a passion of yours. That should really add to the story.  I am wondering though, who will your audience be?  If you are too far over their musical vocabulary skills, would it be good to maybe elude to the meaning behind some of the musical terms?  If you are writing to a more musically educated audience, that of course would not be totally necessary. I was just curious what type of readers you attract.  I play guitar, and sing and write, and I needed a dictionary for some of your musical terms. Not that it really matters and I realize though, that it would probably be rediculous to add anything to help the understanding of your reader,, you are not here to give a music lesson...  I was just thinking selfishly and wanting a free music lesson.

It is also intriguing that you actually know Japanese. When I read your description on the "menu," I saw the word interpreter and thought you might have been associated with sign language. That is my gig, so I was lured right in.  I have a good feeling that you will have enough factual information to work with that you can really capture this story by your personal experience and knowledge. That is exciting to think of.

I, too, was wondering about the word "flashed" when it pertained to Angela. Your prologue spoke of shiny things and flashing a smile, so I automatically reverted to that context. I had to think about it for a second before I realized we weren't talking about a shiny flash.

I think Steve has a good point about bringing out a little more about Angela's character in this early exposition.  You don't have to elaborate, but I would like to start to feel something about her here, that is if she will be an ongoing character.

All in all, I was really enjoying this work and looking for more pages. LOL,, kept hitting the button, but NO MORE PAGES.  I guess I will have to be patient.  Can't wait to see what unfolds.

I am to much of a Novice to critique this work, but I wanted to let you know I enjoyed it. Good luck, and bring it on.  Now I am curious.  

 I meant to comment on this work a long time ago. However, technology thought otherwise. So without further delay I'll present my critique. Your prologue is most interesting and quite enjoyable. Your choice of words is really sophisticated and shows a noticeable mastery of the written word. I was especially taken about my the mentioning of "New America". Has America changed? Has there been some sort of devastating civil war? I have so many questions bouncing around in my mind based on this single bit of dialogue. That is a true plus of this story, getting readers to think actively about the story. It gets them interested and makes this work a page turner.

The last sentence of your prologue is especially enthralling, once again adding to the mystery of  your story.

"I am sure that with the happiness it will grant, we will together usher in a new era,” he flashed a wicked grin and darted a glance at the fallen Emperor, “of peace.”

I am quite interested to know the circumstances of this situation between the POTUS and the emperor, who I presume is Japanese. I sense tension in the air between the two leaders. The words "fallen Emperor"  and "wicked grin" creates a unique situation that readers are dying to find out about. I'm interested to see how you'll expound upon this later in the story.

On to Chapter One. I really liked your description of the piano playing. I would have to assume that you either did a lot of research on piano playing or you are an ardent musician yourself. Either way, you seem to be very good at descriptions that many writers often neglect. Its the little details such as these that separates the wheat from the chaff.

But the best part of this chapter was not as much plot (though your plot is very well developed) but rather a descriptive piece:

"With a disgruntled look, and in the middle of an ascending, melismatic scale, he contorted his fingers and struck a series of white and black keys.  The roll of music came to an abrupt halt with a sharp, jarring chord.  He rose from the black bench and walked over to the small device, flipped it open and depressed a small, green button.  Although he knew it to be completely necessary to function in the working world, the cell phone, he felt, made one irksomely accessible."

Our protagonist, if that is what I may call him, Kael Recht, seems to enjoy playing the piano very much. The word "disgruntled" creates an image of a pianist who is obviously annoyed by the fact that he was been taken out of his musical dream. I for one enjoy piano playing and I love the way you describe his frustration of being interrupted by a bothersome phone call. Even the way he responds, by simply saying his last name, shows readers that he is clearly annoyed. Excellent way to show character emotion, even if it is simple as being annoyed by a buzzing cell phone. I can't wait to see how you write about character emotions, when situations get more complicated. I am confident that you have a perfect sense of what your are doing. Keep it up.

I want to end by saying that I really loved how you introduced us to the other characters. You give us enough information but not too much. It's refreshing to see a work in which the writer does not cram a character's whole life story into one giant paragraph. Instead, you are 'spoon feeding' us information on the characters. If I may guess, your intention is to probably develop the characters through bits and pieces of narration and dialogue.

Your description of James Tallis is well done indeed:

"Kael knew the name well.  James had been his freshman roommate at Stanford.  He was a methodical and conservative man, and remarkably intelligent.  Being the valedictorian of their class, he went on to Harvard Law, eventually going down the road of a politician.  It didn’t surprise Kael in the least where Tallis had ended up.  He was a popular man in office, a news icon currently known for his progressive view on international terrorism.  They hadn’t spoken in years."

Within this description you provide us with descriptions of his intellect and his past. You don't delve into too much detail, but you give us several descriptors that make this character seem real. I'm really curious as to why you decided to mention that "They hadn't spoken in years." Did Recht and Tallis have a bad experience sometime down the line or something? Not that this is a bad thing. In fact, its quite the contrary. Again you give us another one of those sentences that gets readers asking questions, thus garnering even greater interest in your story. I am interested to know how exactly Recht and Tallis will interact when they meet each other after so many years, which I presume is in the next chapter.

And one other burning question I have. Is Angela a hottie? LOL. Jokes aside, I think you could have add more descriptions of Angela. I can only guess her relationship to Recht, but I'll take a guess and say that its his secretary. Forgive my ignorance if I am wrong, but thats all I can gather based on the lack of details. Adding more details on her certainly won't be a challenge for you, as your writing clearly speaks for itself. Just a little suggestion.

Anyways, this story seems to be going places. Keep it up man and I will be looking out for more chapters.

-BFCIV