I loved your story! This reminds me of a couple children's stories that I had read before. Absolute award winning material! Keep it up, Brittany! This is an adventure that kids who read will surely love! I see how it got its name!

 

Excellent!

Nothing had gone right all day. He had embarrassed himself in the annual leapfrog event yet again. Oh, it had started well enough, until Frank hopped his usual high jump and ended up falling head first into sludge.

This was so cute. Poor little guy!! I wanted to pop into the story and give him a ribbon.

  It’s just not fair. He thought to himself.
There should be a comma between fair, and he.

He felt scared.

He was scared would be sufficient here, as scared IS a feeling and doesn't really need to be named so.

“Yes, yes, zis vill do fine for ze feast! Plump, fat, frog legs, only ze best for ze opening night!” The creature rumbled.

Yay for stereotyping the French?  I thought this was kind of cute.

It rubbed its fat belly and smacked its plump lips, and then emptied the net of panicking frogs into a giant bucket which stood by its muddy black boots.

The bucket itself could maybe use some personification, or description? 

They watched him go and returned to the safety of their lily pads heartbroken.

  "lily pads, heartbroken."  <---- a comma, even a semi-colon would be useful to separate this emotion.

Frank’s stomach lurched as the giant swung him about in his hand, and then suddenly the giant let him go.

 
Repeating the giant the second time here isn't necessary.

His outcry awoke the other frogs out of their unhappiness.

This doesn't seem that right to me. Maybe something like stirred, rather than awoke.

He really couldn't do anything right, after all.

The comma here really isn't necessary.

The now free frog jumped away from the swinging door as the chef thundered in.

The liberated frog? 

The chef collapsed to the ground sobbing, "My restaurant is ruined! I vill have to move somewhere else!"

Earlier, you used 'eez'.  You should stick with one or the other.

The ending was really cute!   I really like this... it's very fanciful.  I think that children would enjoy it a lot!

 

Hey this was a great short story!  Nothing better than seeing the underdog come out on top.

“Yes, yes, zis vill do fine for ze feast! Plump, fat, frog legs, only ze best for ze opening night!” The creature rumbled. It rubbed its fat belly and smacked its plump lips, and then emptied the net of panicking frogs into a giant bucket which stood by its muddy black boots."

 

That was a great description.

The only thing that was kind of confusing for me was the introduction of the snake. It just seems very sudden, maybe try introducing the snake earlier in the story so he is more developed as a character.

Good job with the story!!

 The story is very fun (it helps that I love frogs!). Here are a few comments:

1. I'm not sure that the dialogue when Frank arrives at the town is necessary. The reader understands that his friends are going to be cooked into frog legs. Also, I'd like to see more of his journey to the town. It couldn't have been very easy!

2. Why is there a snake in the kitchen??

3. I'd like to see more of the battle between the frogs and the snake. Have some more confrontation before the chef storms in.

I think this would make one great Disney movie!! I reminds me of Finding Nemo. Some more detail and colorful adjectives will definately help improve it.

 Cute story, I liked it - and I most certainly am not a frog fan. Story moves along well, your sentence length is varied (all the same gets boring), happy outcome. Nice kid story - I certainly hope that's your audience. Assuming it is, just a couple of things to consider:

a. The old toad seems like filler to the story. Perhaps he was a judge from the previous competition and that's why he's so certain Frank will fail.

b. The snake is evil filler. The action between Frank and the snake seems hurried and Frank doesn't seem especially concerned he's talking to his mortal enemy.

c. Show more than tell.

He felt scared

Was Frank trembling uncontrollably? Did his little limbs shake in the water or was he paralyzed half in and half out of the pond? He was scared sounds sort of boring.

d. You've devoted more attention and feeling to the confrontation with chef. Obviously, you like that part better. Maybe shorten the beginning with Frank's backstory and focus on what you really like?

Good job!

 

 

 

 

 Good story.

A couple of things to ponder:

You use the word had a lot. Try reading it aloud without the word it will work better. You use the past tense of the word after had and it by itself would work fine. Try using went in the second sentence instead of had gone.

 

When a character speaks the qoute should be in its own paragraph. After the qoute begin a new paragraph. It is much easier to follow.

eeeeh mommy, screamed a tadpole. (Begin new paragraph)

         Franks eyes widened.

Some of the commas you use are unnecessary. The sentences would work without them. Also in the first you can eliminate that, and had. Watch out for the word that. It can become overused and most of the time you do not need it.

The year before that, he had jumped so high he got stuck in an overhanging tree.

Wanting to forget his horrible day, Frank burrowed underneath the lily pad and went to sleep.

 

      Practice the word structure in the following phrase. Try: concerned, frank kicked powerfully and glided into the open water. Save for the tadpoles and an old wrinkled toad toad sitting on the bank everyone was gone.

A few powerful kicks and Frank glided into open water, concerned. Everyone was gone, save for the tadpoles and an old wrinkled toad sitting on the bank.

  Hope this helps and good luck.

Awe!!! That was fun. It reminds me of early writing I did. Only I wrote about Penguins. Silly things. Your characters have long powerful legs (for what they are) and mine had nearly no legs at all! So tell me... what is a swedish chef doing in a french cafe? Zee svedish are zee ones with zee accents! ^_^

I liked the story. I thought it might have been a little rough at the end, but posh, it's a children's story. You can tell it was written by someone younger not intentionally appealing to younger children just by the names involved. Frank as opposed to Mr. Toad or Jumps the Frog. Frank is awesome. Keep it up!

 Good story, Brittany. I enjoyed it. I do agree with a couple of the other comments: introduce Mr. Toad earlier, maybe as a jumping contest judge, maybe even the one that tells Frank not to come back next year. And, I'd have the snake slither after Frank into the village and the restaurant. It would build the tension somewhat. I am not even sure the snake is needed... Frank could see the chef hang the keys outside the door, try jumping to get them, then release all his friends and pondmates. But it really is a fun story, moves right along, and I can see some really great illustrations (can see 'em, can't draw 'em!) to make this  good children's picture book. Keep up the good work!

 Great story.  I loved it.  Others already have commented on most of things I would have said; however, I'm uncertain as to what target age group you intended.  Children's stories are word-specific for the younger set, primarily those five through eight-ten.  On the other hand, teenagers tend to be disinclined toward "froggie" stories.  (We adults enjoy them much more than the flighty mind teen set).  I would decide what age group you write to and check out the average vocabulary range for that group.  Some of your verbage and expressions are too sophisticated for the lil'uns (have grandchildren I read to several times a week).  I would place your story as it stands in the seven to ten range of appeal and, for the most part, a chick-story for that set.  You'd be surprised as to the wide gap between my nine and ten grandsons and my seven and eight granddaughters.  With the advent of video games, my grandsons are all into the smash-shock and awe genre.  Although my nine year old granddaughter enjoys beating up on her nine and ten year old cousins, she still my "little pony and gold fishy" in her reading material.  In essence, it's a great story but direct it toward a specific age-group audience to make it commercial.  Also, extend the wind-down (last page).  I had the feeling you were in a bit of a hurry to end it.  Drawing out the crisis and danger of the escape would add to the suspense and lock in the reader.  Finally, from my point of view and from my younger grandchildren's point of view, a snake appearing in a restaurant kitchen is thoroughly acceptable.  I once read one to them that had a horse hiding in the bathroom.  Neither member of my audience questioned it.  In fact, it was a "giggle moment".  Children love the imaginary unthinkable.  Maybe we adults should try to recapture it.