No problem and I'm glad the crit helped re: Exhile. Also, just wanted to add that because this is fantasy with elements common to other works (vampires, werewolves, etc...), I NEVER got the impression this story was less than imaginative, creative, and born of your unique mind. I totally agree with your follow up comment btw. Just my thoughts a bit of encouragement. John

Thanks for another critique. I know it has a lot of revision to go!
Thanks again

Happy Birthday!

Thanks for the critique. I will try and rework the passive voice when I do my rewrites. Thanks again!

Thank you so much for your critique on SOO chapter 17--I appreciate your keen eye, and I've already taken a couple of your reccomendations.

The part about the 'bitch' was a snarky play-on-words on Cole's part--and maybe Damien's. It's also slightly misogynist, but they were more into the pun than the misogyny. I'm leaving it for now, although I may go back and take it out later. Hmmmm . . .

Cally-- Thanks for the helpful critique. I'm glad the story caught your interest, even if it wasn't until a few paragraphs in. (I like that sentence too.)

Cally, here is a performance by The Roches called The Train. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-LJX9IXiio
Much of their music is tongue-in-cheek stuff. By sharing this I don't mean to diminish the potency of your story, but well, the story DID bring one my old favorites to mind.

No need to be embarrassed about typos. We will always need others to go over our work. We are too close to it, we miss things more easily.
Greetings
Hans

Hi thanks for reading my story I appreciate the feedback and I'll work on fixing up the problems you pointed out. Cheers Lance.

Thanks so much for the Critique! I really needed it!