Hey CJ,

This snippet of a story that you have so far shows great promise. This is mainly due to the strong voice of the main character. Even though the idea of "my life's no fairy tale" may have been done before, I still believe that you have already laid some solid groundwork for this piece that moves into new and interesting territory.

I like that you immediately tell us a lot about the character. You plunge us right into her life story and give us a synopsis. Though the reader may be curious about Camden's history, you delay the details, I'm assuming, in favor of the action/situation that Camden believes is most important for the reader to follow right now.

I'm definitely interested. This girl sounds pretty strong, which is something I really dig in a character, and I also like the cast of characters. It's a nice of point of interest and fits Camden's way of speaking, it seems.

Now, I'm not sure if you're trying to format this piece after Camden's private journal or not. If you are, neat; that's a cool direction to take. If you're not, then I'll briefly point out some small spots.

Commas. Watch out for commas in setting off extra details and in preceding conjunctions which combine clauses.

And "squeemish" to "squeamish", which is just spell check, nothing special.

Cool, I'm curious to see where this story goes.