Just wondering if maybe you made a mistake on the second line in the first stanza, "I've never let anyone (in), as close as you".

I can understand the content, as I've gone through something like this myself, but I think the poem could use a little work.

I think you're cheating yourself using this type of scheme. The wording doesn't really seem to fit it, and it doesn't flow the way it should. When read aloud, there are a few choppy areas. Also, using the phrase "see through" kills the mood. As a writer, whether it's poems or prose, look for different ways to describe what you're thinking and feeling. Don't keep a thesaurus at all times, but trigger the reader's senses so they feel good reading your poem.

I hope this helped. Keep writing!

It's an OK poem.  As an avid reader of poetry, I've read poems that brought tears to my eyes, made me feel emotions with well-chosen words placed just so;  poems that brought both sadness and anger at the same time.

Unfortunately, yours didn't have this effect on me.  If you wish readers to feel what you are feeling instead of being left in a state of mild confusion and puzzlement - you need to rewrite this poem, to clarify exactly what you mean.  Are you angry? Which line shows that?  Are you hurt? Sad? Heartbroken? Which lines show those emotions? If you cannot say even to yourself which lines show precisely this or that emotion - and I don't mean "all" - then it needs to be reworked.

Sylvia Plath's "Daddy" keeps resonating in my mind.  If you want a perfect example of showing anger and hurt, AND evoking those emotions in your readers - read this poem. Then compare this poem to yours; I hope by comparison you will see what we the readers see.

Best of luck!

I'm sure this is a very personal poem, so I am not going to critique it too much. Just remember that poetry does better when it deals with concrete rather than abstract ideas. Abstractions create weak poetry that will not affect the reader as well as a good, direct poem would.

I'm not sure, but were you trying to make this into a song? Repetition in poetry can be good, or make it sound cliche, depending on how it is used.

But keep on writing. Poetry is a personal taste, anyway.

This is a very personal poem to you, I can tell by not only the poem itself but by your reactions to the comments it has gotten. When we post stuff like this, it's really like we're opening up our souls to be picked at at someone else's will. We might not always like some of the comments we get, but the great thing about them is that they should make us stop and think about what could possibly be done to improve our work. If there's one thing I've learned from writing, it's that something can always be improved. There's a quote (I don't remember where it's from) that says "Art is the pursuit of perfection, because perfection itself can never be achieved." That said, the best advice I can give in general from my observations is to not let a criticism get you down. I always find it's fun to just play with suggestions I'm given. 

Anyway, I've rambled on enough about generalities -- you just seemed like you could use some cheering up.   That said, moving on to the poem...  I did like the concept, and the thing that struck me the most about it was actually the rhythm.  The first and third lines of every stanza were either 9 or 10 lines, and the second went from 10 to 11.  I think you could play on the poem's strong point, since you are aiming for a repetition of sorts, and do a little whittling so the first and third lines stay at 9 syllables (this was strongest as the first line is 9.), and the second lines could be made to all have 11 syllables.  Just a suggestion that would really make the delivery stronger.  You might not have realized how close exactly in length your lines were -- and if that's the case, kudos to you!

My favorite line was:

You see my true self, you’re as close as skin.

Normally I wouldn't like this... since 'close as skin' is one of those phrases that isn't cliche exactly, but it is very commonly used. In this case though, I think it works because the whole tone of the poem is meant to be very direct and personal.

All in all, I'd just say work on experimenting with vocabulary, and stepping outside of the box when describing things. The best way to expand skill as a writer... keep reading and writing! 

 First of all, I am a sucker for poetry that pries into love and all the emotions that come with it.  I loved reading this... it made me think of all the feelings I had for my ex... how the beginning felt... the fears, the worries, the anxiety... letting someone have your heart for the first time...

Its like giving a small package to a child... a package that says..."fragile: handle with care". 

It can be so scary...I love how you put those fears and emotions into words... I do agree that it could use some work, however I hate following a certain meter while writing... it comes out on paper however it feels in your heart... so a little work could be done but I truly enjoyed reading some of my past on paper.

 It seems like a poem that pries with the forces of love and romance. Indeed, good title, Taking a Chance. Maybe you should make a novel out of this about a girl wants to take a chance to love a seemingly loveless antisocial boy, and will try anything to relieve her obsession with him. Please comment back.

This is a wonderful poem. I saw how you really felt. I think writing a poem about love is a very nice thing because we all can relate to it...

In conclusion, I really like your poem.

Keep up the good work!

=nicole05

 Wow, this poem is beautiful. I relate to it completely. I just recently got into a relationship...with a guy who was my best friend. I have never really let someone as close to me as I've met him. The way you've worded your feelings is very effective. Also, I love your rhyme scheme.

I’m taking a chance letting you in.

I’ve never let anyone as close as you.

You see my true self, you’re as close as skin.

 

Now that you’re close you’ve seen within,

Don’t hurt me. Don’t walk on my heart or, adieu.

I’m taking a chance letting you in.

 

I love these two stanzas the most. They wonderfully express the insecurities of someone who's been hurt before. I love how the first line of the first stanza is the same as the last line in the second stanza. Great job! I ABSOLUTLY love this poem.

 This is ok but i think it could use a little work. I can relate though so that is good ..

 I liked your poem because it is very raw and emotional.  I don't think, however, that your use of choppy language creates anger or angst or whatever other emotion you were driving at.  I understand that this is a very personal subject and you hold it very close to your heart, but the fact is it doesn't do what you want it to do.  The whole point of writing something like this is so that you can share the emotion with other people.  If other people don't get what you are trying to do it comes off as odd.  I am not saying that this is not a good poem.  As I said earlier, it is well done, but it struggles between being an outright, sunshine and daisies love poem and something deeper and perhaps a little darker, which is what I think you were going for.  Overall, you expressed a good sense of love and desire, but struggled to expose the fear or anger.  A couple of times you use imperatives to express your fear at the closeness but it undercuts your position.  Overall, I think this was a very good poem and I thought it was better until I read your comments stating what you were trying to do.  I think it discusses love well, but I think you lose the anger or fear that you are trying to express.

 I can definitely relate to this poem. I'm going through a similar situation right now. It is scary. So I know exactly how you feel.

I really like what you did with all the middle lines rhyming and the first and third lines rhyming. I think I want to become a fan of yours. Your style of writing seems similar to mine. That's one reason I like it so much (just kidding). But that's also how I know that you should never stop re-working or re-thinking it. You have great talent and more importantly the heart for poetry. Keep it up! I look forward to reading your other works! This is my first ever on here since joining!

 I hope this gives you 4 stars, 'cause that's what I want to give you...not sure how, though.

 the idea of this poem is great and the flow is not to bad  just a little choppy in some places.

but you had your reasons for that .  I love to write poems I belong to another site as well

and people come and review and tell me its not poety cause it doesn't  have rythem well dont

they know all poety is diffrent . I believe that our poety is about our emotions and its ours.

i have recived editors choice awards for poems people review and say are not poetry so  its

all in each person how its reviewed, but alot of people do give good reviews and its helpful

so you can take a look at your work and see if maybe there is room for change if not

leave it , its great the way it is  hun keep up the good work ,  I hope to read more from you

write me and let me know when you write more poetry . 

     missunderstood

 This is so true, I am sure we have all been there before, what a ride to be so vunerable, scared, excited, nervous, anxious and best of all really really alive and knowing it! oh yeah. I enjoyed this piece . there is a line that may be thought over, but not by much.  the line "Don’t hurt me. Don’t rip my torn heart within." Where you say don't rip my torn, well it seems to already be riped. twas I had my way with ye words, I like "....rip my heart from within", you really don't want them to know to soon that it is fragile, that just gives them more power, for unfortunate as it is, seems to me that the one who cares the least always has the most control. Figure that one, eh?  Thank you for sharing this with all us pencil pushers and such. Nice job.

 post script: close, heck they get right down under it !

 I agree that with something this personal you can't critique too much, especially mechanics that i usually don't concern myself with anyway.  I sure do know how this feels, but was wondering if some day you'll write something like it emphasizing an urgency that something like this has to go right, rather than, or in addition to, the fear of being hurt if it goes wrong.