This is a very unique poem, and very interesting to read! I really liked line six:

Their tone, a hymn of a foreign reed song

This made me think of a poem by one of my favorite modern poets Jalal al-din Rumi, titaled "Reed Song". I don't know if you intended it to be a reference, but I liked it nonetheless!

The image from line ten:

Your grip is slipping and I can’t hold on

is one of the best in the poem. I would suggest fleshing that out a bit and trying to create more images out of that idea. The images at the beginning of the poem were very interesting. I really enjoyed the repetition, however, the meaning of the first three lines was a bit lost on me. I feel like you could add a bit more to develope your ideas there because they are very interesting comparisons, and it's definitely an attention grabbing way to start the poem.

I really liked the structure of this poem. It felt very wave-like to me - the lines ebbed and flowed. The repetitive juxtoposition also created some nice imagery - really helped to reiterate your theme. The only problem I had with the poem at all were the last two lines - I wanted something more powerful there, something that tied the whole thing up. I liked the idea, but the "sporadic presenses" didn't seem to fit to me. From a poem that seemed focused on "you", it switched suddenly to "me", without really explaining the reason or the effect.

On the whole, though, I really do like this poem!

 I may have to read this poem often to find the personality of myself. This poem, this poetry, is like a large and deep searching mirror requiring my silence. THis is a listening prose. I as the reader entered the gates of Scribeophile and knew nothing of this dimension and was subtlely accosted by this piece. I search myself even right now for questions unanswered and for answers already niched into my pores and skin tone. I can barely feel my soul breathe. The air of my spirt has been stolen away in a matter of seconds. Amazing. I rated this poem as above average because I was finding myself in those brief moments of reading farther in between the markings distinctive of the writing utensil that this author used. I could feel an emotion that was raw and pureand uncharted; I was overwhelmed by the territory that I had stepped into. I feel as though a sy spying out the Promised Land on the command of Moses. This work opened my senses very quickly. It is a powerful piece. Dramatic in a very short time. Powerful, powerful, powerful.

Your sky is blue, just as your grass is green

Your night is black, just as your snow is white

Your dream is right, just as your idea is wrong

 

What is this poem talking about? I see the speech of an inevitable truth. a truth that cannot be dodged or gotten around. a truth that cannot be circumvented or assimilated by any, or more fluidly by the reader.  

Your views are dips in my untraveled road

Seems like the writer is taking aturn towards the differences noticed between the writer and the reader for whom this poem is intendd. Maybe the illusion of new life was desired and blindedthe writer to the reality that the reader was on a different path than the writer. From this point I hear a change in the tone of the poem. Thwriter becomes more deeply introspective concerning the relationship with the reader. Seems to lead the writer to the juncture of making a hard decision.

This is one of my favorite poems now. I was able to tell the rhythm immediately, which is something that doesn't happen often when I read poetry. All of the "ong"s and the word "on" almost makes me think that there is a rhyming pattern. I really liked it.

 I like this piece.  It intrigues me.  I may not fully grasp it for until I have let it resinate, or then again, maybe never.  I would think I got it, but then I didn't,, Again, I saw a glimpse, but it was fleeting.  I guess the truth can only be.... Your Poem is lovely,,, But it's way above me.

I will revisit this many times I am sure.

Thanks for sharing... I am going to go look for some of your other works...