Cud
september contest, poetry, humor
Published on:
October 1, 4:32pmWord Count:
114Work Description
A poem equating psychotherapy with a cow chewing cud
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Here I sit within
the portals of pain
week in, week out
regurgitating for analysis
platitudes and banal musings,
merging with heightened scenes
of abject misery
in ever more synchronized
rhythms . . . throwing up
and out. choking,
gagging on noxious memories,
each time transposing them,
centering into manageable feelings.
Like a spotted cow
grazing on green grasses,
vomiting cud,
only to chew it again
and regurgitate once more . . .
On through four stomachs
until, at long last,
they are voided
into a smoldering wretched
heap upon the grass
cow-tippers seek to avoid,
and ignore. –
the pain finding its
manifest shape and scope
to be tucked into a corner
gathering dust,
buried in forgetfulness,
inspired by exhaustion.
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This poem was wonderful and I really can't think of anything you can do to improve it...well, I can try.
I think the lines are a little sporadically placed in their present form,and you should make each line about twice as long as it is presently, for a less trickling style effect. Reading the poem did indeed make me want to hurl as I read about the descriptive vomiting, and that's a good and carefully planned effect. The poem reached my innards and made me react, which is entirely the point of any really good poem.
But you may want to make the lines meatier, adding more verbose imagery, to make it even more challenging for the readers. I think it would help if you doubled up on each line, and added some descriptive phrases, maybe researching a cow's digestive system even further and what it's like when a cow chews and digests its cud, in each stunning and persuasively vomitous detail. Anyway, the poem is very good already as it is, but I thought I'd add what I felt come to me when I read it, which was that the lines should be longer. Also, you should read up on pasture cows so you can add a lot more detail about what it is like to be a cow n a farm in a field, always chewing and digesting her cud.
Thank you very much, though, for this carefully thought out and already well researched poem.
I really enjoyed reading your poem. It saddened me but did not depress me (and I believe there is only a fine line between those two)
some humble comments-
sor some reason I do not like the word usage in the following verse.. I think the word "regurgitate" and "analysis" takes the pure simplicity of the poem away. You use the same word later on as well...
Below is one of my favorite parts. I wish the verse ended at "and out" and "chocking" was the beginning of a new verse/stanza.
i find the cow metaphor very clever. I also do enjoy the last three verses as well. Overall, good job and looking forward to read more of your poems!