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June Challenge, Chapter 7: June 23-26

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unedited, flash fiction, june challenge
6th
Draft

Published on:

June 26, 5:54pm

Word Count:

3310

Last Edited:

June 28, 11:38pm

Work Description

Month-long daily unedited flash fiction challenge.
See "June Challenge" circle or "June:A Challenge" thread on Community forums for details.

Chapter Description

The Great Disaster: A world in trouble
Searching: Eh
School Supplies: The first day of fourth grade
The Magic Show: A great new trick

Second to last chapter :)

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The Great Disaster

When the carnage began, I was brushing my teeth. It seems trivial now, but I was always very careful about my teeth. I brushed every morning and every night, and sometimes in between. I'll admit I wasn't much of a flosser, but I was an excellent brusher. Side to side, up and down, around in circles. And I always rinsed, morning and night. I went to work every morning and to bed every night with minty fresh Linsterine breath. A lot of good it ended up doing..
As I was finishing my bottom teeth and moving on to the top, I heard the first crash. No, heard isn't right; I felt the first crash. I later came to know that this was the first of the seventy-five major meteor strikes that would be called The Great Disaster. All I knew then was that it felt like the planet was exploding. At the first boom, the lights went out instantly. Blackness engulfed my bathroom. I managed to grab the sides of the sink to keep from falling. The rumbling lasted almost an entire minute. Once it seemed to be over, I made my way into the bedroom carefully in the dark.
Rendered essentially blind, my other senses became instantly heightened. I could feel the texture of the carpet between my toes. I never knew I had such soft carpet. I could hear the car alarms outside, and distant shouting of people who were caught in much less promising circumstances than I was. I wanted to help them, but I knew there was nothing I could do.
As I continued shuffling into my room, my legs hit the side of my bed, and I stopped. Feeling my way to the nightstand, I found the phone. As I expected, there was no dial tone.  I looked toward the room's only window. It was pitch black outside. I shuffled my way around the bed to the other side of the room. With arms outstretched in case some large obstacle had wandered into my room in the dark, I reached the wall with the window. The flashing lights of cars with sounding alarms provided the only illumination. As far as I could see, power was out everywhere. As much as I wanted to see what was going on, I knew nothing could be done until morning. Once it was light out, we could all assess the damage. If only I had known what was to come.
We have all been told there were seventy-five major strikes world-wide. In our small western Massachusetts town, we felt seventeen. That night was the longest I've ever experienced. Crash after crash, I still had no idea what was happening. My first thought had been earthquake. We had never had earthquakes before, but anything was possible. After the fifth strike, I began to doubt my assessment. Actually, it was more hope than doubt: if there had been five earthquakes, I expected I would fall through a crack into the center of the earth sometime soon. The thought of meteors honestly never crossed my mind. Until the morning. By then, word had spread from people closer to the landing sites.
When the sun finally rose over our broken city, everyone took to the streets. It's amazing how much tragedy does to bring a community together. Unfortunately, all the togetherness in the world couldn't have helped much. Buildings had fallen. Fires had sprung up where cars had been struck. Water from a nearby river was flowing slowly down Merchant Street. The town's beautiful trees, our pride and joy in a country of such expansion and commercialism, were in disarray. Almost all had fallen. Houses were crushed. Families were crushed. There was almost nothing left.
I noticed that the movement of people had taken on a uniform direction. I looked in the direction they were headed and saw one massive building still standing above the wreckage: our town center. All the people of the city were headed toward the auditorium.
If ever we needed to call a town meeting, this was the time.

1347 6/26/08

 

Searching

 

As I tore through the closet, I knew it was no use. I was never going to find it. Sweat was dripping from my forehead as I leaned over the boxes. Lid after lid I grabbed and threw over my shoulder. Boxes were overturned across my room,

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Discussion

 go, dnm, go!

you've done a great job with these daily stories this month--in quantity and quality, both. you have so many strong starting points to work from now, and your portfolio must be bursting at the seams at this point.

the first two stories in this chapter caught my attention (and affection) with their desperate tones and singular perspectives. i hava an affinity for apocalypse scenarios, so your meteor story hit close to home for me. loved it. would love to hear more about how your mc navigates this world after the catastrophe.

in your second story, you bring across the desperation in your character well. the intensity didn't let up, and i was intrigued, wondering what this person was searching for. the mystery deepened when we discover the letter. oooh, good stuff. both stories are contenders for expanding.

keep going! you're our only hope for making it to the end of the challenge!! *waves pom poms*

This critique applies to the 3rd draft of this work.

This is really great. I think you have something here...

This critique applies to the 4th draft of this work.
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