hi Leo Juarez,

Thanks for welcoming me..
I like that ur profile.. esp.. walk with tape recorder.. thats one thing i am planning to buy from long time.. how do you feel using tape recorder.. was it much useful tool for serious writers..
how are you doing.. do you have any writing credits so far?
until next time..
Singam

lol...next time you get to write my poem for me ;D

Seriously, thanks for the critique. I might try writing in the manner you mentioned and see what I can come up with. Thanks for taking the time...

Thanks for your thoughts on A Natural.

I didn't want to specify in my comment that I was misdirecting or twisting... But glad it wasn't confusing!

Thanks a bunch!

Thanks for your thoughts on Chapter 2. You pointed out some good points. I will go back and tinker with it as soon as I have time. Not enough of that at the moment. I was up much too late last tonight.

It certainly was no chore. I am happy you consider my comments to be of some use to you. :- )

Loved the idea of the Bruegel painting, coincides with my intention. The third does need tinkering, the visual format of using words to illustrate ‘guns’ didn’t seem to make it across and although this poem remains a favourite of mine, I shall endeavour to tighten its form and message. Thank you very much for showing me how you saw these pieces as it brings another dimension to the illustrator’s voice.

Thanks very much for your thoughts on my piece! For the moment, I prefer to leave any questions ambiguous and open to reader interpretation, though that may change in future edits.
Much appreciated!

Thanks for the critique and your suggestions. I am still trying to decide on some parts of the story. I have deleted one segment at the end and plan on inserting it later on as an stand alone chapter. The begging race scene was a recent addition I am still mulling about. Again, thanks for the read and suggestions.

Thankyou so much for taking time to critique my work. I struggled thinking this maybe should be more like a journal entry rather than a short piece. I do wonder when one writes a piece about oneself how to present it better.

Thanks so much!! BB

Thanks for your critique - good observations! I'm not sure how much more character development I want to do - it's really a micro-fiction, but I didn't see any tag for that. I will try adding and see how it turns out.
Thanks!
dax