And, just so you know, my plan for this is ten books, each linked to a different roald dahl text, exploring the scope of the 'foundation' the truth of jack's parentage, and ending when the twins are 18... Cross your fingers...

Thanks for your great - and supportive crit of the last chapter. you're right, blunt-lurch does give up too easily. And Jack/Mox is fixed too smoothly. you did, however, read too much into the tadpoles bit. i was just trying to give a sense of 'growing up a bit, moving on a bit'

That might be why I got so confused! Glad I could be of help to you <3

Thanks for reading the Artists' Model. 2nd person usually bothers me even though I've done more of it recently. To me it stripped away the objectifying of women by requiring the reader to put theirself in her place. But that provided an answer of the question, did it work to the reader? Some good info to help in the editing phase.

Thanks for the feedback on my two poems. They are definitely rough forms that need much reworking. You've given me more insights to rework some of the lines and images in my poems. Thanks.

I'm liking it much better thanks
I literally threw it together in a 20 minute frustration fest because I couldn't get a scene to go right in one of my short stories (I've rewritten it 4 times, and been stuck on it all week), and needed distraction. It must have worked as I've now completed the scene which has been driving me nuts lol. Thanks for the help

Thank you, thank you for returning to comment. Mucho appreciated

And off to edit your new suggestion

Hi, Leo; you caught me as I was editing lol. I altered the opening to third person, but kept the ending as first. Would you mind skimming back over if you have time and give an opinion as to whether or not you feel I should stick with 3rd person for the closing also? Thanks for your time and the crit

well, being retired means no more burdensome goals, right? except for maybe small goals, like creating a nice garden lol Hey, my second scratchpad post! pats self on back

oh yes, I liked your stuff right away. As Kant says, "truth is disputable, taste is not". But it's a double-edged sword: I tend to be a bit more "critical' of writers I like lol I'm still getting oriented with this whole site, so you must bear with me. For instance, this is my first "scratchpad" post, so I guess I can mark that off the check list.