November contest
november contest, novel, thriller, mystery
Published on:
Nov. 20, 2008, 7:28pmWord Count:
1260Work Description
What would you do if a secret from your past threatened to destroy you and everyone around you? This fast paced suspense thriller follows one woman's nightmare when love won't die.
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WHEN LOVE WON’T DIE -1
CHAPTER ONE
Mel watched her from his camouflaged position, tucked in amongst the dense
patch of trees that lined the edge of her property. Peering through the thick row of pines,
he leaned into the spiny branches and stiffened as a dead twig crackled in the silence.
His eyes widened as he watched her walk across the expansive deck toward the railing.
She grasped it with both hands and leaned forward as if to soak in the last few rays of the
late afternoon sun.
Today, Mel had waited in this very spot for hours, not certain when she would
return. His stomach gurgled, emitting a low growl, reminding him that he hadn’t eaten
anything, other than a day-old doughnut that he had found in the crumpled bag on the
front seat of his car. But his hunger for her was greater than the need to satisfy his empty
stomach. He took the wrinkled and folded book jacket from his pocket and opened it up
until her picture was visible. Mel didn’t like her hair that dark brown color. He would
make her dye it back once they got home. Still staring at the photo, Mel raised it toward
his face and gently touched his lips to hers.
The sunlight glistened as it bounced off the lens of her sunglasses, signaling
him to remember his purpose. His heart pounded at the rush of being so close to his
love, yet so completely undetected. He watched her



Rate This Work
This is going to be a real page turner.
Good plot and development of obsession. It was easy to follow and left enough detail out to create suspense. Is the woman he is watching actually his ex-wife? Or is he simply mistaken due to hs overriding obsession?
Good pace, no slow points.
Good description, it also leaves a lot of unanswered questions that add to the suspense. Is her hair color different because this is case of mistaken identity? Why is his finger calloused? Adding the asthma as his weakness is effective to the tension.
Good point of view throughout.
The protagonist is well developed very early in the work. We don't know much about the woman yet except that she is a writer and she writes about a woman being violated.
No dialogue so far.
Grammar is good, the correct spelling is "nauseous". That was the only misspelling I could see, but I'm not the world's best speller.
Can't wait for the next chapter.