Void
This work is archived and isn't accepting critiques or comments. Why?
Print
The Void
It was there, always, always
reminding me
I was empty
just empty
It was there vast and deep
daunting and real
impossible to fill
just empty
It was there day or night
nothing wrong
but nothing right
just empty
It was there year after year
no tears
no fears
just empty
But then came you
Rate This Work
Your honest rating will help the author improve.
Please log in to rate.Discussion
Your work captures the feeling of lonliness that I all experience from time to time.
I'm glad you found your 'then came you.'
I am smiling a lot now that I've read this poem.
Thanks for your work.
It's a poem expressing the messages around you make you feel insignificant.
The flow is good, the portrait of a theme is done in apt words. I like the end best, such an unexpaected twist hits like a lightening.
Last stanza is my favorite. I am glad that then the poet found 'then you come' a bank of hope for the ocean of depression there.
A good read,
Jaya H.
id first like to say i have nothing bad to say about this poem.
the theme of the poem is simple to understand. lonliness and heartbreak is something we all must go through to achieve something real.
throughout the stanzas, the mood is depressing and somewhat spooky. the final line of the poem changes the mood abrumptly. it goes from bad to good.
when i read this, i felt what you were trying to say. im in a point of my life where i feel that need to achieve hapiness. i was actually in the story.
there isnt a particular rhyming pattern, but i liked it for the most part. the part that i felt was the most difficult to read was:
It was there vast and deep
daunting and real
impossible to fill
just empty
at that point i slowed down a little bit and had to re read it to understand.
i would prefer if you used more commas. once in a while there should be a pause.
This is a great piece of work! The ideal was easy to know, everyone has felt something close to this. I do love the last line, but my favorit has to be
It was there vast and deep/daunting and real/impossible to fill/just empty
It has a little different beat than the rest, it has a different flow, but still fits into the overall piece.
I have to say its one of your best! Keep writing
Sweet poem!
I liked it 