A Strong Woman

Dylan Moody

198 • Paper Jockey

short story, drama

1st

Draft

Published on:

Feb. 28, 2008, 9:06am

Word Count:

2397

Work Description

If behind every strong man is a strong woman then how is it that John can cheat on his wife after seventeen years?

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Print went to bed tonight. She stopped herself at that thought, picturing that scenario of him coming home late and after the act was committed and her stomach tightened once more. But this time she became flush with another round of anger.

It was dark now as John sat on the porch with Michelle. Even though it had been so many years since he had flirted with a woman the conversation between the two of them was not awkward at all. In fact it flowed easily. Maybe it was the multiple glasses of wine but when she looked at him with a seriousness in her big brown eyes and said they should go inside, he became warm all over knowing what she meant. He looked at her the way a barbarian would quickly observe a feast before devouring it and this seemed to only provoke her for she was looking at him in the same fashion. This was it -the moment he had longed dreamed of. After so many hours dedicated to get to this point the was about to do the thing many of his friends boasted about. His wife thought he was at work which worked out perfect since he normally worked eighty hours a week anyway. He had covered all the angles, found the perfect situation, and was about to commit the perfect crime. All he had to do was make the next move. He looked at her.

Susan had done a wonderful job with the kids selling a smile and acting as though her heart wasn’t being torn in two. She had listened to her boys talk of their day, washed the clothes they wanted for the next day and seen them to bed. She had bathed her daughter, read her a bedtime story and tucked her in as well. It was amazing to her how robotic or complacent it all seemed tonight, like driving home the same way you’ve done so many times that you scarcely remember aspects of the trip. The clock on the wall said eleven-thirty PM as she sat in the dark room facing the door, waiting.

The late night streets looked like glass in the rain and reflective lights. John pulled into his driveway and looked up at the darkened house at every angle. Each window representing where his children or wife were sound asleep, oblivious of him and his actions. He did not like the feel of being an outsider to this crew and with this thought he exited the car.

He’d barely made it inside when he saw her sitting adjacent from the door waiting for him to enter. Even from the door frame and poor lighting he could see the look on her face, or maybe it was that he could feel it. Susan made no effort to stand. There was a crack in her voice as she spoke.

“Where have you been and what have you done. I need the truth John.”

Her words, filled mostly with hurt, were like daggers to his heart. He knew that she knew and that there would be no escape. He gently closed the door and took a step towards her, his head lowered. Immediately, she cried.

“How could you have done this to me, to your children, after everything. ” Her words stopped with sobs.

“I don’t have an excuse for what I did.” Tears ran down his cheeks. He found how badly he wanted to go to her and hold her but he dare not. She rose to her feet and stepped lively towards him. Her stance suggested to him to brace for a slap and he tensed. She saw this and instead grabbed her own head, turning from him.

“I can’t even look at you. That bitch was in this house.” She turned back to him and then shifted her eyes to the stairs having realized her voice was raised. The last thing she needed right now was to awaken her children.

“Do you honestly think she loves you John? Is that what you want after all these years?”

He was seated, head hung low and in heavy sobs.

“I know you won’t believe this but nothing happened. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I kept thinking of you. I couldn’t cheat on you because she isn’t you. I still love you.”

He stopped, realizing how stupid it all sounded. He couldn’t blame her for not believing him. He barely believed it

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Discussion

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Rusti Fae

396 • Calligrapher

Well Mr. Moody...

For someone who not much into the romance writing, you have most definitely conquered the heart of the reader! I like to write newly created romances but you have the talent to write the kind that readers may be able to relate to better. I write fairy tales (course I believe in fairy tales) and you have written something more true to life and realistic. Can't say that I have had the experience of the kind of love and life you have written here, but who knows someday maybe. I really liked the piece... You must be a man who knows the reality of true love! Good for you... The words you used, held a certain power as you wrote them, maybe you should consider a new genre...LOL! I look forward to more of "whatever" you decide to write...I find I have become a bigger fan...write on...

L. L. Woodard

174 • Paper Jockey

I found the storyline, told from the two protagonists point of view, to be interest-provoking. As a reader, I wanted to read all the way to the end to see how a situation that so many couples have or will face would turn out.

I felt the beginning and middle of the story to be well drawn out as far as details and insights; the conclusion perhaps a little less so, with a pat, unsurprising ending--which in and of itself is not a negative, but does draw more attention to the skimpier details at the conclusion.

That being said, there were some spelling errors "In darkness Susan starred at the glow of the monitor;" " She was a stay at home wife which had been a decision" as examples. ("Stared" and "stay-at-home" the corrections.)

In addition, there were more than a few errors in grammar/punctuation: "In darkness Susan starred at the glow of the monitor -her face a wash of all color and;" "They’ve been arguing lately about not being as close as they should be.;" and "John pulled up to the driveway of his mistress apartment." ("monitor--her" "They'd" and "mistress's" the corrections.)

Some of the paragraphs are a bit run-on, but that could be easily fixed.

All-in-all, this piece is very salvageable and deserves the attention to detail to make it an excellent example of writing.

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