Eli,

I like the overall theme and "message" of the poem, for lack of a better term.  It feels very real - the interplay of desire versus fear of the unknown provides strong immediacy for the poem itself.  This is definitely potent work - the whole idea of a someone in love wanting what they fear is great material for poetry.

The poem provides some very subtle and effective imagines to establish the scene, and I think it could have used a few more images to provide a deeper metaphor of the romance involved.  Much of what I "felt" from reading this was abstract.  There is the exhortation to try something new, to live out the fantasy, but I don't have a feeling for what the fantasy might be.  Love itself is a fantasy, but the expression of love takes on many concrete forms.  Is this the love of coffee shops?  Is this the love that burns a hole through the heart?  Or is it something more fantastic still?  I'd really like a few more of the concrete images.  The image of "shut the blinds" and "see if this is real" is great - really drives home the idea.

 I liked the consistent rhyme scheme here (a dying art, sometimes - always good to see rhyme used well).  But when I read the poem to myself, I stumbled a bit on the meter.  I noticed that the lines varied between eight and eleven syllables, and I couldn't find a pattern to the number of syllables per line.  I think that the lines would hold more verbal power if the rhythms held from line-to-line.  I recommend looking at the pattern of iambs employed - the pattern of stressed and unstressed syllables can make contradictory lines sound the same as they come off the tongue, and such repetition of rhythm helps drill a poem into the subconscious.

 Excellent grammar and spelling here - I can tell you pay close attention to detail.

 Keep up the good work.  I look forward to reading more.

Ryan

I really like this poem. I've read it several times over the past few days.

I don't know if it's your intention, but I sense I black cloud over the piece. It's forlorn, almost. But thinking back, I guess you did mention something about a lost love or losing a love. The mood of this piece is definitely one of a loss.

I had a little trouble with the meter. It didn't read well when read out loud. Playing with the number of syllables per line will correct the flow, I should think.

I liked the grammar and spelling was fine. My favorite line in the poem is:

So tense I can’t bring myself to breathe.

That was great!

The only thing I struggled with was this line:

Shut the blinds upon the window

For me, this line doesn't fit somehow. Maybe it's the word 'upon' that causes me to snag. I don't know - but it's just my opinion.

I really enjoy reading your work. You are talented! Don't stop writing!