May Contest
may contest
Published on:
May 22, 5:21pmWord Count:
125Work Description
a sonnet about a pause. words about very little at all. (oh how drunkenness fills idleness!)
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To cringe while pausing on the phone, a bit drunk.
To hold a static breath this drunk is cruel.
I’m brittle pining pauses to the smack
Of distant electricity and drool
of lazy words too brittle to hold back.
I’m snappish drunk and stoic, trusting luck
the one night all my stomach’s on your throat
I’m hotel-soap and gap-toothed laughing stuck
on innocence I cannot help but gloat.
I’m snake-faced poised and leaning to the din
of cell phone waiting-praying for a choice.
We’re dressed to kill and punch-kicking my grin
is all the world I’m tying to your voice.
So change it please and speak to ease the pause,
I’m snappish drunk and stoic without cause.
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This was fun to read. I'm not much of a poetry critic, but I enjoyed it.
My favourite line is:
So change it please and speak to ease the pause
The internal rhyme just works for me, especially with the rhythm. It's like it pulls the reader in, letting me know the poem is coming to a close, then ends with the repeated "snappish drunk" line.
Well done, I thought.
Well done on placing in the May contest. You have a way with words, as I'm sure you know by now. "I’m hotel-soap and gap-toothed laughing" is a great line. You evoke a lot while revealing very little, a trait that suits the poem very well.
This is truly what you said, words about very little at all. I think, though, that is what makes this a wonderful piece. You bring up
It seams you seam to show this ideal over and over agin with out realy saying it. That in its self is great. All-in-all I like it. It is nice to read something different. Great job and Keep writing!