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Dirty Laundry

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drama, romance, non-fiction, poetry
2nd
Draft

Published on:

April 9, 9:24pm

Word Count:

556

Last Edited:

April 9, 10:47pm

Work Description

This is my first post. I'm new here, but I've been writing a while.

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She's so strong

They whispered

She hasn't cried a bit

Poor thing, she's too young

Surely she'll find another

 

They were finally gone

And I was all alone

All their sympathetic mumblings

Wouldn’t keep me warm tonight

 

I walked the tightrope

I kept it together

I did alright

I wasn’t ready to dive

Into that pool of tears

Just yet

 

I’ll just have a nap

A little slumber to escape

I’ll meet you in my dreams

Once again

 

I walked into the room we shared

It was just the way we left it

Rumpled covers

And too many pillows

 

But then....

There was that damn shirt

Hanging on the foot of the bed

Right where you always left it

 

I didn’t want to touch it

But it called to me

Like a memory that just wouldn’t let go

Fingertips brushed across the fabric

Of my pain

 

Damn it, damn it

Stop...

But my hands do not obey

I grab it up and hold it close

Your scent filters into my consciousness

 

All those memories come flooding back

I want more

Your closet and a pile of dirty clothes

Tossed casually into a corner

The only remnant of who you were

 

The decision is already made

I cannot control the end

There is a corner waiting

To pull me in

 

I close my eyes

And you are there again

Those hard corners a poor substitute

For the comfort of your arms

 

I pull each piece upon me

One by one

Each one a part of you

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Discussion

 I like how the strength that the exterior world percieves the narrator to hold is contrasted against the "sobbing mess" that the narrator's inner world is comprised of. The narrator seems to view their sympathy and admiration with a well-deserved hostility; no matter how much people tell her or think she is strong it doesn't make the lonely nights seem any shorter. The piece seems to speak of the alienation that is so common in modern civil society; reminiscent of the housewife who paints a smile on to go see the ladies from church, or the man who feigns strength for his familly. The narrator is reeling from a loss and about halfway through the poem a proverbial wall seems to break and an indefinate numbness is exchanged for a sharp, but temporary despondancy. The narrator is in agony by the end section of the poem, but once the tears have dried, the reader can safely presume that the smell of loss wore off on the clothes and that the protagonist of the poem was able to pull herself up: no longer in the depths of mourning and no longer numb from holding back: able for the first time since a loss to look around and realize that she is alive. That's at least what I drew from the piece, though I of course could be completely off. I really like this poem, it's flow is great, themes solid and reads well. The narrator's emotions come through the writing very well, and it is very up-close and personal. Excellent Work!

 

 

 

 Wow, this is a really powerful poem, and I've got to say I actually really enjoyed reading it.

The first stanza did exactly what it was meant to; set the scene and grab the reader's attention, and it definitely did that. It's generally well structured and the short, uneven lines and stanzas fits the tone of this poem.

The only things I didn't like so much was that it seemed repetitive in places. I get the meaning behind repeating some of the things, but some of the stanzas seemed pointless.

I hold it close /God, how I miss you /I will never feel those strong arms /About me again

This is an example: Alone, it's still a powerful stanza but no new information is being given by this. The reader gets the feeling of continuous without having to feel like they're caught in it too.

The last stanza seems a slight disappointment, considering the quality of the previous writing. Particularly:

Death spun the wheel

Is there another way to phrase this, to make it as memorable as the rest?

All in all, thanks for a great, emotional read

Opening Comments

It's beautiful and heartfelt.  It expresses true sadness.   It shows how all our sensations can remind us of all our memories.

Plot

It was very believable and shows how strong she is.  The guests at her house after the funeral seem very typical and believable.  I can really see the scene where the woman smells all the clothes.

Description

Beautiful, heartfelt descriptions!

Characters

The woman really shows her emotions.

Closing Comments

It almost makes me want to cry. 

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