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Forgotten Regrets

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poetry
1st
Draft

Published on:

April 13, 6:09pm

Word Count:

437

Work Description

A sestina - one of the most challenging forms I have ever attempted. Thanks for reading. All comments and critiques are appreciated.

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Baritone vibrations through my ear and I forget

Though I often walk the tightrope between passion and regret

The slightest breeze reminds me of your breath

Hot and sweet upon my neck, caressing me back from death

As I stand at her door remembering your fingertips

Gliding across the contours of my body, tracing blistered lips

 

Kisses soft and tender, tongues dancing in and over lips

The world slides away into the mist, making me forget

The passion and impulse of our youth that we both regret

Though some say this life is nothing but a breath

I would believe in eternity again if I could be with you in death

Though the grave would eventually claim us with her clinging fingertips

 

When I go to sleep at night, my body craves your fingertips

In my dreams I linger for the pleasure of your lips

Slowly I awaken, dazed and dizzy, trying hard not to forget

Dreams evanescence in morning’s light and I know I’ll soon regret

That I could not stay longer before sunlight stole illusion’s breath

Sometimes the sweetest dreams seem to die the cruelest death

 

Desire conquers reason as we flirt carelessly with death

I’m swept into the moment as I sense your fingertips

Pressing, caressing, possessing body, hips, and lips

Leaving me with memories that I know I cannot forget

Though all of this could end and leave me saddened with regret

Just to have you close again would be worth my only breath

 

Fragile whispers late at night riding softly on a breath

Every day without you is like trading hope for death

But I can still close my eyes and feel your fingertips

And the pressure of your passion as you kiss my crimson lips

As I slip into my reverie where I know I can forget

This distance here between us which is my one regret

 

It is the future that I long for that tends to soothe this lone regret

Though days without you seem unending, I know someday I’ll feel your breath

Again against my hair, my neck, and body - long before the sigh of death

Once more I’ll know desire from the touch of your fingertips

I’ll feel my heart beat again as you hunger for my lips

Till then I’ll declare as though a prayer – I will not forget, will not forget

 

The fire in your fingertips caress the edge of waiting lips

Reminding me again this breath of life shall end in death

If there be but one regret, 'twould only come if I dare forget

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Discussion

Great job!  It flowed evenly, holding to the subject throughout the poem.  I really enjoyed it.  Thanks for sharing.

 Very deep work you got here! So deep that it really got me lost in its flow and rhythm. Good job!

 nice but too many rhymes with death and breath.

 I really enjoyed this piece. The sentiment and passion are very clear.  I like the meter too.  My one concern was the repetitions of regret, forget, breath and death.  They end most every line.  Do you think you can find a way to say the same thing, but use some different metaphores.  I like the depth of the thought here, and it is a good work, but I would like to see a little more variety. 

Thanks for the post.  Keep em coming.   Jeanie... still chasin the dream for a better tomorrow for all!

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