I have read a few of your works and have been meaning to write a critique, but I have to admit, I am not a very good poetry critic. This one caught my attention, though. I like that it rhymes and has a fairly consistent sense of structure, but it does not come off as sing song. That is a line some people have a hard time not crossing. I also like how you used words separates by commas instead of trying to form sentences within the verses. It gives the poem a nice flow. I noticed one place where that flow seemed interrupted.

Quicken, quiver / Ravage, radiate

Up to this point, the first line out of each two seemed to always have more syllables, or the same amount. The word radiate seems hard to get out. That extra syllable ruins the effect for me.

Other than that, I loved your choice of words and your imagery. I specifically liked the contrast "A grope / a slap." Also, the verse

Opalescent moonlight / Drenches naked flesh / Hunger incited / Bodies enmeshed

paints a very effective picture.

Again, I'm not much of a poetry critic, but I thought this one deserved an effort on my part. Well done.

I adore poetry and I find your verse compelling and vivid. Your wording paints a picture of a struggling relationship bordering a break up or just recovering. The syllable pattern is beautiful however in the fourth paragraph there is a disruption. Radiate is a nice word but, in my opinion, with the third syllable it is disrupting. The message in your poem is an intermixing one first telling an excitement then cautioning the reader, yes? I believe though the punctuation leave off after the sixth paragraph is unnecessary. I think it would add to the sincerity of the words. Overall it is very well written.

 I have to say, that I really, really like this poem. I think the rhyming and flow of it is just absolutely genius. Each stanza only has maybe two or three words, but they are powerful words. Sometimes, less is more, and this is a terrific example of that. Sometimes too much is just overkill, but I think this was done perfectly.

My favorite lines are at the end:

"And two different words might mean the same, But one will soothe While the other inflames".

I don't even know why I like it so much, it just sounds so good together.

Hello again Elle!!

I saw this piece and decided to write you again--- I loved this piece, the flow was nice and the words are catchy.

The flow seemed off in one place:

Quicken, quiver Ravage, radiate A touch, a shiver Love, hate

All the other sections seemed to rhyme  on the 2nd and 4th lines while this one does it on the 1st and 3rd lines--

not a big deal but when you read it-- and come to this part it throws the read off for a second.

But the words are good, they are strong and POP-- that is awesome!!

Thanks for sharing yet another good write-- keep writing!!

HUGZ

Gail

 Hey Elle,

I have read and commented on a few of your works and I have to say this is one of my favorites.  I chose to comment instead of critique because the only concern I had was the flow with "radiate" and that has been mentioned a couple times here

The flow of the words and the imagery are tantalizing and well put together.  The words you chose actually evoke those emotions in the reader and transport them to the bedroom where this very intimate altercation is taking place.   I really really enjoyed this - one of your best!

Keep writing!

 As always you write an evocative work of art Elle. What I found most interesting was how there's no real defined angle to look at this poem. I would go so far as to call this poem the proverbial "double-edged sword". Though the beginning almost seems to indicate some form of knowledge of harm to the narrator:

To captivate, compel,

Provoke and betray

A stroke, a caress

A push, a sway

I felt like the narrator was mentiong pushing someone away from them at first, mostly indicated by the last line of the verse with the swaying motion meaning the two moving towards or away from the other. The element of danger is more present though in the following verse:

Hold me, protect me

A grope, a slap

Tentative reaching

An embrace or a trap

The first line sounds like the narrator is seeking solace in the arms or company of the other person, while the second sounds like something violent is taking place. The third line could be taken as the narrator is timidly reaching to the other person after being struck, whether to balance themself or convince the other person to stay away. Finally, the fourth line questions the last three lines of the verse, as I the reader have been. At this point it sounds like the narrator, like the reader, is unsure of what is taking place.

However, as the poem progresses, we get a clear idea that sometihng of a sexual nature is indeed going on as indicated by the later verses of:

Opalescent moonlight

Drenches naked flesh

Hunger incited

Bodies enmeshed

 

Just the right word

A consummate trust

Used another way

A consummating thrust

But the verse that precedes these lines:

A breath, a whisper

Delicate, knowing

Tantalizing, passionate

Swelling, growing

this verse was my favourite as it evoked the most emotion, a boiling up of sexual tension and uncertainty that is soon released in the postceding verses. It's this build-up here that really drove this section of your poem.

 good.