Euology to my iPod

Eric Marxer

54 • Pencil Pusher

flash fiction, drama, fiction, humor, tragedy, loss, biography

1st

Draft

Published on:

February 23, 4:14pm

Word Count:

851

Work Description

This is one of my few attempts at comedy writing, and I was trying to go over-the-top with it. I think anyone who has ever lost an iPod will find this piece a real tear-jerker.

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Eulogy to my iPod

I’m not a very religious man, nor am I very eloquent; indeed, there are many much more capable than I whose flowing eloquence and poignant diction would do greater justice to this dear life lost. Though my feeble efforts to capture your spirit, iPod, will be but candlelight to the morning sunshine you cast over us, nor could my presence here substitute for that irreplaceable glow of happiness you shone to all those gathered here, trust that as your closest friend, I do my utmost to remember how you brought so much joy your two short years.

Do you remember when we first met? You were so shy back then. Delivered to my front door, you didn’t even want to come out of the box! You were quite content to hide behind that concealing cardboard, snuggled tightly in your plastic wrap. You didn’t recognize the potential you had. Oh! how great was it that you were finally coaxed out of that suffocating swaddling so your voice could echo across the world!

Ever since that first moment, I knew you were special. In each other, we found the perfect match. You, the runt of the litter and a veritable ‘black sheep,’ just looking for someone to make happy; and I, a lonely soul, only half complete; dully wandering with a silent and dreary heart.

I still remember teaching you all those songs. You were such a quick and eager learner! I thought that your appetite for lyrics and cords was insatiable as you devoured what took Springsteen and The Who years to compose. Even with only 2 gig’s of memory, you managed to exhaust my musical tastes and safely secured all the rhymes I held so dear.

Oh, iPod together with your sweet melodies, you and I created countless memories. So many times have we driven our “Fast Car” together from New York, “Shipping Up to Boston,” as you would say. On all those trips, I could not have asked for a more amiable companion. Always by my side iPod, you were there to keep me company, both of us in perfect harmony. We followed a straight course on the road but lost ourselves in the pleasant rhapsodies of which you were so fond. Ha, and at the end of each trip, we were both so exhausted that we’d always crash together on the bed to recharge our batteries.

Our best trips though were certainly through Europe. Again, you never let me down, not on trains, nor planes, nor even on foot. Admittedly, I strained piggy-backing your 2.3 ounces up the hill to l’Auberge Saint-Exupéry, but your tender voice whispering “Carolina in my Mind” quieted my grumblings. Yes, together we kept a steady rhythm up that hill, stopping to gorge on Nice’s scenery and take in the “Pura Vida” from that hill-top retreat.

I will say too iPod, that it wasn’t always fun and games to be the loyal companion to a klutz like me. I was more fickle with you than Shahryar was with Queen Scheherezade in your search to please me, constantly disapproving your random selection through your potpourri of titles until you found the perfect choice for the moment. And never will I ever efface from my memory that terrible day when I was so exhausted after our long hike up Mount Monadnock in search of that “Rocky Mountain High.” I let my bag drop down at the summit and plopped my huge rear onto your delicate face. iPod, even today in the hereafter, you still don’t know my regret! Even now, I can still see those thin tears of LCD particles running down your face in pain. But in every day since my horrible mistake, looking into your half-shattered visage, I saw that bright twinkle in your eye, telling me “Don’t Worry, Be Happy,” and exonerating my blunder.

Then came that fateful yesterday when your bright face faded into the twilight. We had just finished working out in Archbold when during our final stretches, I noticed something was off. You were in the middle of telling me about “A Life in the Day of Benjamin André,” when

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Discussion

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Rusti Fae

417 • Calligrapher

*** Well done! I thought I was weird about my special belongings, but you have given me new perspective... but I do confess I didn't laugh until I stopped reading, I actually felt your sadness and loss. And I do feel your loss...really I do... Someday, maybe the ipod will be born again (once it has been recycled) and you and it will be together again. maybe they will even give it more gigs of memory... anyway you wrote this well, I truly liked it...Bravo...keep writing...***

Momo Okayasu

173 • Paper Jockey

Okay, can I, first off, just say thank you? Thank you so much, I REALLY needed a laugh and this was just unbelievably perfect, so thank you ever so much. The title alone made me click and read. I have personally never owned an iPod and I somehow don't think that I'll own one anytime in the near future, but I couldn't believe it when I actually felt my eyes well up while reading this piece, because, while I have never suffered the loss of an iPod, I have endured the loss of a computer, a CD player, a cell phone, and a personal electronic diary. It is painful. We take our electronics for granted, and when they are gone, we are left with an empty hole that is only partially filled in when we go to the store to buy a new one. Financial situation pending. I found this very touching and very ridiculous all at the same time. Most of all, though, this was so well written! You must have really loved your iPod to inspire such lingual grace. I'm sorry for your loss, though. I hope you get a new one. Black, with a video screen and more gigabytes.

Lorali Sophia

57 • Pencil Pusher

That was an awesome piece. I love how you bring into the piece the various songs that you had listened to on the iPod and I thought the last part was hilarious and fitting. The diction that you use does a really good job at conveying the emotions connected to the iPod throughout the poem. Bravo!

Ryan Edel

94 • Pencil Pusher

You've really captured the essence of the American dream, I think, the way we've taken our most cherished music and made it so mass-portable and all-important. I feel like I should be mourning the narrator, and not just for the loss of iPod, but also for the loss of individuality. Your story reads like a love poem to a dying romance, the yearning for a love lost young. It's witty and poignant and, in its own way, scary. All these treasured thoughts for mechanical music device, the regret for damage wrought upon an LCD screen.

And yet, reading this, what scares me most is not that the narrator experiences these things, but that I totally relate...it really makes me wonder about the kind of relationships I have, now that I keep my iPod sealed up in its case, safely stowed away on my desk, never to see the train or the sky or the first hint of rain for fear I might drop it in a puddle. Yes, you've definitely captured the modern age.

Amber Lynn

747 • Ink Slinger

Though my feeble efforts to capture your spirit, iPod, will be but candlelight to the morning sunshine you cast over us, nor could my presence here substitute for that irreplaceable glow of happiness you shone to all those gathered here, trust that as your closest friend, I do my utmost to remember how you brought so much joy your two short years.

This is a bit of a run-on that could easily be broken down, just a bit. One period, perhaps?

Ha, and at the end of each trip, we were both so exhausted that we’d always crash together on the bed to recharge our batteries.

Wow, this is nitpicky, but the word 'both' is unnecessary, since, as of yet, you've only talked about you and ipod. Sorry. Had to get that out. It bugged me.

I will say too iPod, that

Should there be a comma after 'too'?

Nothing I or anyone here had was more valuable than you,

Nothing I, or anyone here, had was more valuable than you... Is that how you meant it? I'm a bit confused.

I laughed, I cried, I understood you loss and pain. God rest, dear iPod. God rest.

Thanks for the read. Sorry for the nitpicking.

Meris Yates

74 • Pencil Pusher

You made my day with this eulogy and I hank you for it. Isn't it horrible when iPods die? My sympathies, if yours did actually die. I have found a way to revive them, though. It only works when they die because of being uncharged for a few weeks. It's saved me from holding a memorial service quite a few times. There are some good song and bands you named in here, especially "Shipping Up to Boston". I really liked this!

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