On Strength, by K. L. Raynor:    I see your point about the second verse.  Part of the problem may be the ABAB rhyme scheme - when i look at... » Read more...

On Memorial, by Elle St.Clair:  I don't know which war you're talking about, or if it matters.  You've done a brilliant job of describ... » Read more...

On Define Me, by pynguin:    These are definitely heavy rock lyrics.  You have even touched on the paramount question of trying to to do... » Read more...

On Coincidences, Chapter 1: How can I begin to explain?, by Thor Winston:    Your nurses training was a godsend for your writing.  It adds a fullness and an extra dimension to the way ... » Read more...

On Childhood Reviews, by Joey D.T.:    The mixing of secular and religious ideas, woven back and forth, was brilliant.  It had a very "catholic sc... » Read more...

On Taking A Chance?, by CJ Jayne:  I agree that with something this personal you can't critique too much, especially mechanics that i usually don'... » Read more...

On Flowers For My Love, by C. Crone:    Tear-jerkers usually don't move me, but great writing like this does.  You have summed up a lifetime of... » Read more...

On How to Get From Here to There, by Erik Walker:  Some years back i went to school to get a science degree, which i should have gotten the first time.  What was rem... » Read more...

On In a Crowded Room, by Jenny:  In a few verses you have described some of the worst embarrassment possible.  Also the dreariness of trying to pic... » Read more...

On Thy Heart Belongs to Me, by C. Crone:  Actually, i find the medieval style refreshing.  I'm very hard to please with romantic poetry, because so much... » Read more...

On Necrophilia, by Erik Walker:  Well written.  There's an old song by Alice Cooper called "Cold "Ethyl" that this immediately brought to mind.... » Read more...

On Big Bang, by Timothy Uptain:  At the risk of presuming you are commenting on the state of this country right now, all i can say is i've had thoug... » Read more...

On So Much For Valor, by Timothy Uptain:  I don't know anything to suggest to improve this poem either.  It flowed beautifully and naturally and any guy... » Read more...

On Paradox, by Roy Keene:  A suggestion:  This would really be good if you found a way to show that a "paradox" is an artifact of the mind or... » Read more...

On The View, by K. L. Raynor:  I guess this made me think of those haikus by Bassho.  In describing something very concisely, you hint at greater... » Read more...

On Flowers On Graves, by Joey D.T.:  It's nice to see someone with a scientific background writing poetry--your knowledge of  pharmacology belies t... » Read more...

On DAMAGED GOODS!, by Miguel Crane:  The emotional impact of this poem is disturbing..it is not clear whether you are leaving because you were asked or felt... » Read more...

On Reset, Chapter 1, by Kajikawa Niigata:  Please don't be offended, but here's a  little nit-picking.  An explosion that sent matter that destr... » Read more...

On Don't worry, by RLyn:  I'm not much at rewriting someone else's poem, because then it wouldn't be theirs.  Instead, focus on ... » Read more...

On And Onward the World in Chains, by Christine C:   This story shows a maturity of style.  When i tried to put myself in the place of that poem, I thought of "Boulev... » Read more...

On SOULMATE, by Miguel Crane:   Sweetly written and obviously sincere.  Even the twinge of insecurity in one of the lines just makes this one bet... » Read more...

On Dreams, by J Charles Silko:  Fine work on dreams.  I wake up from ost of mine screaming and am glad it was "only" a dream.  But to dream a... » Read more...

On The Fall of the Son, Chapter 0: Prologue, by Scott Hollo:    The writing of this piece is seamless, and i feel like saying, why do you want to expand it into a novel when it... » Read more...

On bent, Chapter 1, by Aaron Moritz:  Small point-in general i wouldn't have two characters with names that start with the same letter.  If they tur... » Read more...

On A Shade Of Gray, by C. Crone:  This speaks of lost love, but the depressive element is very overpowering. ... » Read more...

On Jazz Night, by J Charles Silko:  This is a very old story, repeated many times.  It was well written, easily recognized.  But it does beg the ... » Read more...

On Set Me Free, by Brittany Teeter:  Suggestion: write more detail about what is holding you back, put that first, then the original poem last.  And i ... » Read more...

On I Miss The People I Meet In My Dreams, by Cale:  Personally, idon't think this needs more work if you are satisfied with it, nor did i find it overly wordy.  A... » Read more...

On A Gift of Flowers, by Louise Kuskovski:  This was effective writing, but i found it creepy.  The idea of flowers as not decoration but something necrophili... » Read more...

On A Quiet End, by WildWackyWes:  The only flaw i see in this is that it's not clear what happened.  If that was just the way you wanted to end ... » Read more...

On Sometimes We have to say good bye, by Miguel Crane:  Fine job of self-expression.  Since most of my affairs ended with abusive words and enmity it's a little beyon... » Read more...

On Hello, my name is shithead, by Victoria Blevins:  As in one other critique written of this story, I was appreciative of how you managed to do what you managed to do with... » Read more...

On To Die For Love, by Ink Weaver:  This is clear, consistent, and inevitable as the words flow.  Suicide is one of life's choices and often does ... » Read more...

On The Writers Curse, by C. Crone:  I don't care at all about rhyme schemes and stanzas but you have put powerful words to not only ambivalence but the... » Read more...

On My Beauty, My Protection, by Grace Claudia:  This is chickie-stuff that I couldn't possibly understand, because the basic idea of hiding behind looking good see... » Read more...

On Love and Life, Chapter 4: Asking for too much?...Inferior is not a synonym for insecure, by LaurenB45:  Again the same story as the first chapter; you confuse insecurity with inferiority.  What is it that stops you fro... » Read more...

On Love and Life, Chapter 1: Approval Not Needed, by LaurenB45:  The  first thing about this poem seems to be a hypersensitivity to judgement.  I hate it when people are like... » Read more...

On My New Best Friend, by Ink Weaver:  It's hard to write a critique of anything having to do with cats, because I'm into double digits with the cats ... » Read more...

On nice to meet you anyway, by Lauren Morton-Farmer:    The two stanzas that start with "Adam is hot..." and end with the last word "communication are by far the best, ... » Read more...

On Rapunzel, Chapter 1, by Noella Earnshaw:  Because this is only one short chapter it's difficult to evaluate this but here's what i see.  It's cl... » Read more...

On A Dream Long Forgotten, by Ezra Fortune:  This poem's strength is that it is absolutely clear.  That's why I don't get bent about some of the th... » Read more...

On Kleenex Box Full of Sugar, Chapter 3: Old love, by Brittany:    Chapter 3 was the best, so i'll deal with that exclusively.    I don't think anyone who reads ... » Read more...