I like it. It's clearly from your heart and your soul - and the mental imagery is awesome.

Critique:  the commas at the end of almost every line could be deleted and it won't be as distracting, and it won't feel like a very long run-on sentence in a way.

(God it all melts away so fast in that midmorning sun,)  There should be either a comma or several ... between God and it to slow down that line a little bit, it feels rushed.

I am just blown away at the rhythm and imagery of this poem! I was hooked from the first line.  "White knuckle nights" struck me as a great phrase!

Like Phedre, I think you could do without the commas after each line.  I also noticed that the poem begins with "we" and "our," then changes to "you" and "your,"  before it returns to the "we" and "our."  I know it doesn't make sense to say, "When we can't dream cause there's work to be done/Twenty years gone by and still no one calls us sir/We aren't half the man we once thought we were," but perhaps you can change the first line to something like, "When dreams fade away cause there's work to be done."  I'm sorry to say that I can't think of another way to change those other lines.

Also, the phrase "you aren't half the man..." sounds cliché.  I think we can get that same impression from the imagery in other lines of the work.

I'm a little confused toward the end of the poem, where there's a suggestion of hope.  But at the beginning, I thought there was only disappointment and dispair.  I'm not really sure how the optimism at the end connects with the pessimism at the start.

Overall, though, I think this is a great poem!  I'd love to read any changes you make to it!

You made some great changes here!  I think that the poem flows much better now.  I can see how the pessimism at the start develops into optimism toward the end.  I loved these two stanzas:

Now the radio’s turned low so that the quiet drowns us
The walls of the night seem to close in all around us
Voices a whisper as the transmission roars ‘round
The tires' deep howl harmonizes an octave down
 
The rhythm kept true by the road’s yellow stitched seam
Monotonously ticking by it sets the cadence of our dream
This existentialist journey is set to the saddest of tunes
Cause our spirits may be mute, but our hearts still croon

This poem really made me work to see the imagery, but it was really worth it.  I feel like I'm on the journey with the narrators.  I love the changes you've made here!

I'm trying really hard to find something I don't like here, and I can't.  Excellent edits!

 Very heartfelt with wonderful cadence and wording. I love the rhythm of this piece, though a few times it feels like the beat might be strained a little. Perhaps I'm just reading it wrong, but outloud it sounds a little off in a couple of places. For example:

There was a time when the future was well within reach

When all our dreams were nothing but memories yet to be

 The second line seems too long, or something. I'm not a poet, though, so feel free to ignore me if I'm wrong.

The wording and imagery is wonderful. I especially love these lines:

The weight on our minds could bend the axles in half

The burden on our hearts is far too much for this craft

And I agree that "white knuckle nights" is a great phrase. It has such a great sound to it, as well as conjuring up a vivid image. Something about the words "harmonizes" and "octave" strike me as off, but aside from that, that stanza is great. I love the image of the radio turned down, the night closing in. The wod "existentialist" gives me pause, too. I guess I just don't like the way the long words break up the rhythm.

This was wonderful. Thank you for sharing.