You have an interesting beginning here.

With the descriptive words you are using to describe your MC's  'true home' my imagination says I am somewhere in Ireland.  Is that what you intend? 

Do you plan to tell your readers where the MC came from that makes her so happy to be at home?

a cavern, warm, glowing, and locked

  Is there a window in the cavern that allows light to filter out? 

No one seemed to know exactly what had happened.    "

What happened here?” I shouted over the tumult.

 "Dragons!" replied Orrdinn"

Orrdinn knows what's happening and he's in the middle of the destruction.  I think the first line quoted above is illogical unless you explain that no one except Orrrdinn knew what was happening.

Their thickly corded arms

Corded with muscles? 

 Neighboring dwarves were streaming in from side passageways, attempting to rebuild the falling walls. 

The walls began patching themselves up, and earth from the floor of the chamber was levitating upward.  It packed itself into the gap in the ceiling, sealing the sunlight out. 

 

 Do the dwarves do the rebuilding or do the walls repair themselves?  If the dwarves and walls work together perhaps you can tell the reader.

 

 

I think you're on to something fun here.  I'll be waiting to read more of your story. 

i loved, an excellent job, as always. i love the amount of details that you used in the chapter. the idea that you start out as a gnome, which im assuming is not one of the major races is a clever idea for the amount of hardships that a creature of that type would have to go through. The idea that the gnomes have a problem with a dragon is another idea i just found to be clever, weaker races having to pay stronger races for protection. I wonder if you're going to include any races that you yourself have created, that would add another cain of excitement to this already breathtaking tale. There was only one thing i had a problem with, and it isnt even that significant. The fact that you did not explain what gnomes in general look like... that would have been a starting point to forming the look of every significant characters. Besides that great job at writing. 

I think your rewrite of the proglogue is very good.  I enjoyed reading it.  You've taken away much of the original ambiguity and now the story makes more sense to me.  It also reads more smoothly to my mind.  The description is strong.  I personnally like sentences such as the one below

I tied my long black hair in a high ponytail.

 as they are descriptive but add clarity. 

the inferno, when the door flew open

Occasionally, the black dragons

I'm no grammar expert but I don't think you need  these commas because you don't need a pause in the action.

You might want to check a grammar source on commas somewhere.

Otherwise, I thought the piece read well and I'm looking forward to Chapter 1.

 Hello Fainne- I got around to reading the revision!  LOL finally right?

okay first things first--

I still like the plot, and especially the shift in POV. I think that this really helps us as the reader to relate and understand the Main Character more.  A couple things regarding my confusions:

Were Loryn's ancestors dragon riders too? Maybe if you put in a little history/ background, it would help us to understand the significance of the Loryn/ Leniera relationship.

Also, a question about the dwarves/ gnomes relationship: What do each of the races make? do they sell to another race or trade maybe? Or are things made to deal with the dragons? If so, how the gnomes support themselves?  I think that a little clarification on this economic web would really add positively to the plot.

I really enjoy your use of adjectives and adverbs: I can see clearly now, the detail is here!  Stupid thing to say, but all the description really does add wonderfully to the story.

Why is Loryn so relieved to be at the smithy? is her home life stressful or hectic? If yes, perhaps some basic info about this could be insert ed. I think that if we knew a little more about Loryn, we would be able to follow a little more closely.  

Also, how did Loryn come to be 'with' Leniera?  A family connection, bonding, etc...what?  And how, when, where, why does she have magic?  She seems to be the only one aside from Carlin who can help, and that automatically singles her out. But why?  Why is she special? 

Tell me what she has to lose, and what she wants to win. Tell me her motivation, why she does what she does in the story. Basic things like these will make it clear to the reader exactly what Loryn is fighting for, and how she will get there, and what will stop her.  That's all for now Folks!

Hope some of this helps and I look forward to reading more!

 -- --  your good and faithful friend Fyrenne