I admit to being completely and utterly bewildered by the non images, by the non grammar, by the non ...

Wow.

I must say I am amazed at your breadth of diction! I see, thou has a Diction Addiction. I think there's a rehab somewhere in the land of Thesaurus for that. (ha-ha)

I think your poem is a nice combination of classic poetry and modern prose poetry, a difficult pursuit, I would imagine. I personally had to go and check on your profile, 'About Me', to get a better feel for you as the author of this poetry. I have to tell you, I think your spirited writing there is excellent and much up to date on style than this poem is. By that I am only saying that today many readers of poetry would probably not make it far into, or take the time to complete their reading of your poem.

However, today I have the time, and I had the inclination to read to the end. By having the time, I mean I slowed down and spent time with the words, sentences, and stanzas. And thusly, I found much that I liked.

I found many of the lines to bring forth sensual feelings and visuals, like for instance:

"pithy rhymes—clasps of tongues,
thick with the curling of syllables

O’ flesh buoying of the savaged sea,
whose vibrant a violent tongue seize me be

robust of mating star and light

doting of her swollen duct

f for wallows kindly the sapling of my fiery dew,
dripping, thinking
sipping of you.

And past an undecided stream in the perfume of heat,
diverging thee aloft the rippling skin and stretching muscle
shuddering nectar bodies, stark beings

sobs beneath a lily forest skirt,
and opened forth to them the hurdling rapture

sigh in boisterous pant

the disarming rasp of sweet fleshes spirit raped of all fire

swallowing such like the honey-milk of thee"

Your prose is lovely, the way you sprinkle the sexy crushed herbs throughout.

Symbols, metaphors, imagery, and mood where all there for me, but I personally, again, would love to read a more modern version of this, written in your true voice that I see in your 'About Me' profile.

I look forward to reading more of your writings as I travel in and out of the Scribophile site.

Thank you for sharing your poetry with us.

VO

I dig this poem.  I think that at times you may be a little over-verbose, but in general it works.  I think what attracted me to it was that it reminds me a little of Rimbaud in one of his more composed moments, ecstatic with deranged perception.  And I mean that in a very good way.  I would love to hear this poem read aloud.

 Wow. Totally intense. First of all, Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful language and images. I love words, and your poem is like a word orgy.

Your poem reminds me of a crowded marketplace in Jaipur during peak business hours. Everywhere you look, beautiful pieces of cloth, statuettes, shoes in all colors of the rainbow, men and women hawking their wares, cows, goats, chickens all roaming around free, cars, trucks, taxis, the smell of food and incense, rickshaws, rioters burning effigies in the streets, and the noises that go along with all of this.

I see from your description what the poem is supposed to be about, but honestly I can't understand the poem well enough to associate it with that description. Like other people have mentioned, there's just too much there.

I have a challenge for you (do with it what you will!) Write the same exact poem as a haiku. Cut out everything to get to the exact, core essence. Then, trying writing the poem in 8 lines, or 16. I'd also suggest you write a version in prose, just so you get clear on what exactly the actions are.

I know about "poetic license" and all, but when I read something like

No linear insect of thought yet entertain mine eye,

I'm not sure what to think. Perhaps if it was "entertains mine eye" it would make a little more sense. But then what is a "linear insect?" And what is an "insect of thought?" It's too much for me to take in all at once.

Love your language, though. Can't wait to see more!

I enjoy my fair share of Romantic style writers...  Always was a big fan of William Blake actually.  If that is what you are going for then I applaud you.  However, in all honesty I have to say it seems a bit unreal.  If poetry is an expression of emotion in your own voice then I feel like I don't know what your voice sounds like.  I see what your emotions look like in a particular style, but I feel like I lose something real.

I'm assuming you aren't following a particular meter.  The first line has 8 syllables, the second has 6, and the third has 6 maybe 7 depending on how you read it, and the 4th line has 9.  I'd suggest that if your language is going to emulate a certain era or style that you adhere to the typical structural aspects of that style or era.  Otherwise it just seems confusing, like you want to take the icing off the cake and leave the rest.

Another thing that is just a pet peeve of mine, not really a critique of you, I just was always taught to capitalize the first word of every line.  I mean provided your not writing some sort of poetic dialogue.

I'd also break up the 6th stanza.  I think that right after "Dare that I should!  Dare that I should!"  might be a good place to do so.  Especially since the line following starts a new thought all together.  Also since you seem to repeat the same idea, I might just go ahead and separate the "dare that I should!   Dare that I should" and the "dare that I shan't!  Dare that I shan't" and make them their own lines to reinforce the importance of your repetition.

I also ended up feeling like the word "raped" in the second to last stanza didn't fit with the rest of the language you used throughout the poem and it ultimately takes away from the Romantic stylization.  You could replace it with something like pillaged or ruined or something.

In the end I have a hard time knowing how to feel.  I guess the ending didn't really tie everything up the way I had hoped it would.  I think there is a lot of potential here and I hope to possibly see another draft.  Good luck and thanks for sharing.