First of all, of course a bird is like a bird!  It IS a bird!  I think you need to use a different image--you have a comparison between two things, but the two things are the same.  That doesn't make sense.

This is a pretty short one.  As a fast lyric or image, it's fine; it sets a vague scene, a conflict is resolved, and everyone goes away happy.  But, if you mean for it to be something more profound than a fluffy lyric, I think there's work to be done. 

As I finished it, I was left wondering, what was its purpose?  I don't mean to be harsh, but poems in general are an expression of their authors thoughts, which we can't always presume to know; ostensibly, poetry always means SOMETHING to the author, if not to the reader.  But I'm not sure what this one could mean.  Is the poem a celebration of the speaker's generosity?  If so, why are we celebrating it?  Has the author done anything that a regular person wouldn't do upon finding an injured creature?

There are also a lot of questions raised by the poem that aren't answered.  If this is a metaphor, I'm not sure what it's a metaphor for; if it's a narrative, then why has the speaker come upon an injured bird?  How do they mend the wing?  What happens after the wing is mended (besides the bird flying away, which we assume it would do anyway, since it's a bird after all)?

Even though the poem is short, I think it's still in a pretty rough draft state.  That's not necessarily a bad thing, it just means you have some ideas that need to be more fully fleshed out.  This poem is a good start to getting those ideas out of your head and into some kind of form that you can start shaping.

On the next revision, I think you could improve it by changing the first two lines, and perhaps adding a narrative framework to give the reader some context as to what the poem's about.  Right now it's so short and vague that it doesn't seem to have a purpose or message.  Maybe consider using a basic rhyme scheme... how would this poem sound if it were a sonnet?

Anyway, good start, and I'd like to see the next revision!

The simile at the beginning of this poem is nonsensical.  You cannot compare a bird to a bird... they are the same thing,

Aside from the first simile, I'd say this is good. However, it needs a revising.

Hey FireFly747, I meant to write a critique earlier, but I just got a free moment to do it.  I noticed that you changed 'bird' to 'poem' in the 2nd line.  This gets rid of the nonsensical image, but I'm not sure how one can compare a bird to a poem.  Maybe your poem could describe HOW a bird can be like a poem.  Replacing a single word (bird) with a word that carries so much meaning and depth (poem) without changing the surrounding structure, or really anything else in the poem, seems like more of an early revision.

Overall, I like this piece, but I think you could revise it to, as Bob mentioned above, explore a deeper question, or give the reader some kind of insight into a thought or a feeling that you have.

I think that if you could explain HOW a bird is like a poem, or like anything for that matter, then you'll be moving on to the next level.

Like I said, I like this work, so don't give up!  What do you think?

OK. Now that the first two sentences didn't throw me off, I can read it. I'd say this is way to short. Make it longer. How exactly is a poem like a bird? There are a million ways to describe that but you did not mention any of them, and it could make for a good poem. Just an idea though. Otherwise, nice job, but make it longer.

This is a very interesting poem.  It shows what you think and feel about poesy before, during, and after its conception into written form.  I've always been very interested in authors' meanings, and I'm going to do my best to interpret.  Feel free to correct me.  After all, it is your poem.  But what I'm getting out of it is that poetry is something very beautiful, very magical, that has no true meaning or "life" unless released by a poet.  I'm assuming such a poet does not always have to be human.  Nevertheless, I find it very interesting that your poem is about poetry itself.  Very well done! 

I, on the other hand, would not agree with your interpretation of poetry.  My own view would describe it as a bird flying gracefully and majestically through the air, waiting for some odd creature to notice it and understand it.  To me, poesy is whole with or without me.  It resides in a mystical, spiritual place, and it sometimes opens itself up and graces us with its presence.  However, your poem is yours, and it is quite beautiful.

I think this is a lovely little poem just the way it is. If you were to take it, fill it out and carry the thought further to make it longer, you could do wonderful things with it, as it's a wonderful concept, but I think a lot of the charm to this work is just how short and simple it is.

This is how you see poetry, and you've presented it in a way that makes immediate sense to others using only one simile. I think, when it comes right down to it, that is one of the truest aims of poetry. Your piece is charming and clear.

Good job and thanks for the great read ^_^

The poem is concise, but I don't think it makes its point clearly enough. Like others have said the connection to the bird and poem is poorly founded. Also, the second stanza comes off as you tooting your own horn a bit. I'd suggest adding more content to the first stanza (to more clearly make your point) but what you do with the second stanza is up to you.

The simile makes much more sense now! It opens the poem in a much more fluid manner.

you are so right with the similie here

 Like it! *thumbs up*  Just curious.  The last line threw me off just a little. maybe change "can" to "could"? the whole poem is in the past tense, then it suddenly switches to the present tense.  If it was "so it could fly" it would flow much better for me. 

Overall, love the poem! Pretty imagery, nice job!

This is an interesting little bit of poetry.  It's very simple... but I think that simplicity works in this case.  It could be better, on one hand, if you expanded upon it -- then it would completely transform itself into something new. I do think that you should try use more exact imagery to tell us exactly why you feel a poem is like a wounded bird.

Number one thing, as is... I think you need to play with your punctuation at the ends of your lines.  Are we meant to rush from broken wing to the next line?  Doesn't seem like it, so you may want to put in a period there. Also, play with leaving out a comma... and then read it aloud, and see what combinations of punctuation best fit the rhythm you're going for.

Keep writing!

 i agree with the others, that you need  to connect the relation between the bird & poem and make it longer, i saw two different images when reading this poem. one image i saw was spiritual  and the other image was of a care taker.  did enjoy reading it.

 I do not know where you are with your writing, but let some more fly.

This poem is O.K. and it is well thought out. You get the meaning across very quickly and distinctly.

You can mess around with the first two lines and probably come up with somethng better, but what you have works. I would like to see something deeper, but these are your words and your thoughts and feelings.

I am a little confused with scooping up an injured soul and the bird. i get the feeling the injured soul you scooped up is not the bird so you may want to use something other to describe this than mending its wing. Bring in something new we already get the first simile give us a new one. What are you really mending. I think it would make the work much deeper.

 I thought it was actually not that bad.

I thought this simple piece was wonderful. I loved the symbolism. I couldn't help but smile as I read it. My favourite part is:

 

 

an injured soul,
to mend its wing,

so it can fly

I think it's just beautiful. Great job!!!! (^_^)

 I like your poem , and you said it very nicely  "a poem is like a bird."

(a poem is your emotion), "with a broken wing"   (an emotion you struggle with expressing to share

with other people.) " kneeling down with gentle hands ,I scooped up an injured soul.'  (grabing a pen and paper and writing these emotions down.)  to mend its wings so it can fly   (the poem is read by everyone and

your emotions are seen by many others some who understand you and some who don"t.)  very well writen  keep writing !

 i agree, i would try to use a different image to compare with the bird.  but overall it's a nice poem

 This is new for me, critiquing someone's work! I am used to taking in the words and trying to understand the meaning to the author. That is what did with this poem, "The Work".

Here is my first impression from the impact of the words on me. The words impacted me with first, emotion, over the profound comparison of "a poem" to "a bird". That is how I often think of words, whether poetry or prose or a story, as a bird in flight looking for a place to land. In this case, it landed in a familiar place, right on my heart.

I could feel the meaning of the words in the first place, and I can relate to the expression of soul. Many of my writings use analogies, like "eagles in flight", or "drums of thunder". Some analogies or metaphors are concrete while others are abstract. In this poem "The Work", I believe the author captured the "essence of writing".

Writing is a creative process. This poem "The Work" embraces that creative expression, though simply, still profound. It touched me in a deep place.

This is a good poem in its essence. Gramatically, I would use capital letters at the beginning of each line. However, punctuation does not detract from the meaning of the words. Commas are used to effect a pause in the writing, so I would probably add a comma after "with a broken wing", to add a longer pause. This is a powerful phrase. Read it again: "A poem is".....pause at this line...it makes me think about the subject. It is good use of a short line, compound subject matter, "A poem".

The third line, "with a broken wing", invokes imagery in my mind of a bird in flight, wounded, struggling to survive. Again, I related to this imagery in a profound way. I imagine that a lot of writers have similar feelings in the quest to write, to be read, to be published; feelings like a bird with broken wings trying to fly. Another good use of imagery that invokes powerful emotion as well.

The remedy comes in the next four lines which moves the poem into a broken image to that of healing. This again, is a powerful emotion invoking metaphor.

"Kneeling down,

with gentle hands,

i scooped up

an injured soul,"

Grammatically, I would probably again capitalize the first letter of every line, but that is not a rule written in stone. This is just my personal style that I use often. The lower case in the word "i" shows how the writer is reflecting unimportance to the self and pointing attention to the healing of "an injured soul". I would call this a spiritual writing, very deep.

The analogy at the end describes triumph.

"to mend its wing,

so it can fly."

My thoughts turned to a two fold parable, that of the poem and the bird with the broken wing. Healing came to both.

I say this is a good work. Keep writing. Read a little about emphasis and punctuation and please send me your work!

 FireFly, I love this piece! You got some hard critiues on your tail, but you responded well with some changes and that was good. This piece speeks to me, just dont let the hard revews go over your head. As long as you get the poem, and not over anlize it, its fine.

Again thanks for the great read, Riah Rain

 I like the concept of your poem, although I think it might need clarification from you.

I was wondering if maybe you were saying that "an UNHEARD< of UNRELISHED poem was like a bird with a broken wing, and that and author can loving put it to flight if there is but one person out there who would recieve into his heart.

I am totally unqualified to judge or guess what you mean, but if that is your point, it would be easily fixed.

I think the simpleness of this work is its charm.  The attention span of the average bimbo is not very long, and when you can write something that makes your point, and is easily and quickly digested, then you have done a good job.

I will rate you with 4 stars, because I think that you know what you are saying, and you said it.

Thanks for sharing.  Your poem is charming.