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Truth University, Chapter 1: Reunion

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flash fiction, novel, screenplay
2nd
Draft

Published on:

May 16, 3:47pm

Word Count:

1675

Last Edited:

May 30, 12:47pm

Work Description

This is a fan fiction based on the movie "Stomp the Yard".

Chapter Description

The first chapter brings us back to the semester after Mu Gamma Xi's loss at Nationals. Everyone from the movie is back and the drama ensues.

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          Zade couldn't believe she was back on the grounds of Truth University. It had been a year since she'd last seen the institution of higher learning. All the wonderful memories came flooding back the mo-ment she took the turn toward the entrance of the school's property. The fond memories of her friends, and the thoughts about him began to surface.

          She knew she shouldn't long for another man other than her fiancé, Zeke Criswell, but she couldn't help her feelings. Zeke's recent antics and the company he'd been keeping with a specific Mu Gamma brother, Grant Clark, have been pushing Zade to her breaking point. How this man could be so sweet one minute, and conniving the next was beyond Zade's comprehension. Maybe the only reason Zade kept hoping against hope, was because Zeke was her high school sweetheart. This same man had come to Puerto Rico with his family and searched for her all through the island. After the families crossed paths, Zeke spent his time pampering and trying to win Zade back. Back in the states, Zeke flipped the attitude on her, and she was confused at first. Now that she came back to school some of the puzzle pieces were showing themselves.

        Zeke was the president of one of the main fraternities on campus. Mu Gamma Xi was known as the seven year step champs…until last year when Theta Nu Theta stole the show and the glory. Ever since the arrival of a young man named DJ, Truth University had been flipped upside down and the rivalry between to the two frats had escaladed. Could he have wanted to marry me just to say he'd won at least one of his battles with Sly? Zade thought to herself.

  The most impertinent questions finally pushed their way through the melancholy clouding her mind. The negative thoughts of her relationship vanished as students began mulling around the yard. Her questions of friends remaining and sorority issues kept surfacing her mind like waves. Her battle with ovarian cancer had robbed her of so much time and energy. But she refused to give up hope and because of her perseverance, her sorors had named her Defiance. Every day she proved just how right they were in picking her name.

          Rubbing the letters on her jacket, Sly's face came into view. The Thetas were getting ready to stomp the yard, and the new step champs were about to show the campus how it was done. Zade had been really happy for the guys, knowing how long they had been dealing with the taunts and jeers the Mu Gammas threw their way. But last year's competition proved that it's about brotherhood and determination that makes you winners.

          "Miss Zade, is that really you?" The voice that was music to Zade's ears reached out and touched her from behind.

          Zade turned to see her line sisters, April and Maya walking toward her. "In the flesh," Zade received a nice big hug from her girls. "It's been a minute, but I'm back."

          "Well, well, well. If you ain't a site for sore eyes," Maya commented as April wiped away her tears from her eyes.

         "Why didn't you tell me you were in town?" April inquired. "I could've gotten the girls together and we could've done something for you."

          "April please. You had your own issues to deal with. I heard you finally got rid of that punk."

          "He's not that bad. Yes he can be an asshole, but he's got some good points." April's eyes lit up when the Thetas began their routine.

          Maya noticed the difference in April as well. "Uh oh, it's about to go down!"

          "Let's get closer shall we ladies?" Zade gently pulled her best friend toward the front of the crowd. Zade knew that the reason for the twinkle in her girl's eyes was in the group on stage. Zade wanted to see who this young man was that had put the permanent smile back into April Palmer's eyes.

          Since the death of April's mom a few years back, April had found little to smile about. But then she met up with a crazy girl by the name of Zade. Zade had shaken April's world and righted many things that had gone wrong. Having her as a line sister helped April get through some of the rough patches and knowing what Zade had gone through was enough

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Discussion

 Good job! I haven't seen this movie since it was out in theaters but I'm wondering if any of the original people from that are in this or mentioned? DJ sounds familiar, but anyway...that's all besides the point (lol). This was really well-written for the most part. All I noticed were a few instances of tense confusion. Some present-tense parts sneaked in with the past-tense, which a majority of the story is written in.

She knew she shouldn't long for another man other than her fiancé, Zeke Criswell, but she couldn't help her feelings. Zeke's recent antics and the company he's been keeping with a specific Mu Gamma brother, Grant Clark, have been pushing Zade to her breaking point.

 

Where it says "the company he's been keeping" it should read "the company he'd been keeping" or "the company he had been keeping"...whichever you prefer. You got a lot of background information in one chapter without bogging it down, which is good. It was really easy to read through. The only problem I slightly had was keeping the characters straight, since some of them are mentioned but not seen and names are similar (Zeke and Zade-I love the latter name btw). But it wasn't a big deal. Your introductions were very natural, not forced like some authors' are when they're attempting to introduce a majority of their characters in one chapter.

          "I felt the rest of the school should know who the new names and faces of stepping are." Sly released Zade, and faced his rival. On more than one front, they had been in competition. Zade was just the most valuable prize.

 

I really like the bolded phrase-it speaks a lot about the history between Zeke and Sly without saying too much. The quote kind of confused me though, did you mean: "I felt the rest of the school should know who the new names and faces stepping are" or "I felt the rest of the school should know who the new names and faces of -insert frat's name here- are." The way it's written now doesn't make sense. And the last thing I noticed was that you have some words hyphenated that aren't supposed to be. I don't know if this was a formatting problem or you just didn't notice, but for example:

"It's your choice. But you're going to have to get used to this, if we're go- ing to get married."

I just thought I would point that out since there's a few times that occurs. But I wasn't sure if there was a reason for this? Anyway, aside from those few minor mistakes, everything else looks good. It held my interest and I would definitely be interested in seeing where the plot goes from here.

Hopefully it would give him the avenue to push Zade out of his mind. But true to her soror name, Zade refused to stray too far from his thoughts.

I love those last two sentences. They really wrap up the chapter nicely and I like how they relate back to Zade's soror name. The connection is really natural and it works well. Overall, good job. I hope I helped.

This critique applies to the 1st draft of this work.
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