Thanks for the input, you have a good eye. Your input is definitely useful and will help in future drafts!

Wasn't there a part two?

Hi Gary! Thanks for putting so much detail into your critiques. You have given me some very helpful hints! I am going to take your advice and work on trimming the fat. It’s so hard for me to keep it moving. Thanks again!

Hey Gary! Wow great crit. I am going to trim as much as possible from that chapter. It felt a bit bloated to me when I finished, but a fresh set of eyes really nailed it down. Also, I'm embarrassed to admit that I haven't the faintest idea what passive voice is...after your critique I'm going to find out and fix it. The POV suggestions were also very helpful. I have a bad habit of sitting inside the character's heads and speaking as though each character knows everything. Thanks again!

So glad I could help the piece!

thank you so much for suggestions :] i'll definitely be working on it

Thank you for an extremely expert critique of Beyond The shield. You have really highlighted some flaws for me to work on.

Thanks for the advice! I needed it! I am going to start over so that I have a more exciting opening.

Sorry about the mess I left.

Tim

Thanks for the crit, Gary.