J Charles Silko, this is a very crreative poem that you have done for yourself and most of all others! This also reminds me of the story that you critiqued just last night called Black Heart of Deceit. This reminds me because of your dark gloomy tone that you had set in your poem. This also reminds me of the other stories that I had written just on my very first day in joining scribophile, I remember publishing Carmine Being and The Midnight Rose. Ahhhh the good old times! Now for the real review, I had really enjoyed this poem a lot! Honestly! Also I like when you said:

I can feel the coming evil
I know it
every inch of me
forces me to scream
to warn
to save
but it has cut out my tongue
and bound my hands
so that the only way
I can warn of this coming evil
is with my tears

 

Here is my idea, I am not saying that you did something terribly wrong with this poem. I like it! Where it says "Forces me to scream, to warn, to save" I think that you should put in "But it has purged me of my loud yell, right above "but it has cut out my tongue." And you might want to omit the but on the "it has cut out my tongue" Try it out, and if you do not like it or tell me what you think about  this idea. Either way, let me know on my scratchpad!

This poem is very powerful! I particularly liked the imagery in stanza 3

but it has silenced my screams

it has cut out my tongue
and bound my hands

This really sets the tone for the poem. Very stark, emotional imagery!

Just as a minor suggestion, maybe hyphenate "world weary" in the last line of stanza 1. I feel like it would flow better. Also, if might be neat to find some synonyms for "coming" that you could use alternately though out the poem for a but of variety. For example, maybe change line 5 to "like an old man feels an approaching storm." Don't get me wrong, I loved the repetition, I just think it would make the piece more powerful.

My favorite bit in the poem was in the last stanza

my world burns
and all returns to ashes

Very moving! This was a great work. Keep it up!

Wow, what a powerful poem. I really enjoyed reading it!  I don't know if this is where you are going with the poem, but here is what I got from it.  I think that people like to live in bubbles. Either because they chose to be ignorant or they don't know enough to realize that we are lied to many times a day.  When you get out into the real world or break through your bubble you will realize what life is a lot of pain and hardship. Perhaps if you are not ignorant to the evils in our world you wont be as shocked? I don't know. What do you do if you can't stop the coming evil, or warn anyone of it? Anyways sorry I'm rambling, great work!

I can feel the coming evil
the coming hatred
the coming despair
like an old man
feels a coming storm
in his worn out
world weary bones

Something about this stanza does not flow right for me. I like the simile, but I'm not sure if it fits right.  And the part about his won out world weary bones seems like a lot of W's, and is slightly confusing. I had to read it a few times to get the right flow out of it.  Thats the only stanza that caught me up a little. Great work!

Hey, nice job on this poem

It's really touching.

The best part of this poem is:

I can feel the coming evil the coming hatred the coming despair like an old man feels a coming storm in his worn out world weary bones

It is so true..

=Keep on writing wonderful stuff. And yeah thanks for being a fan. Appreciate it!

 Very profound. 

I liked this alot.  It spoke to a truth of impending doom and ashes.  Not all can see, for some refuse.  But that does not make it untrue.

I will write a critique when I can give it my full attention.

Thank you for sharing this stunning poem.