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hey, jack!
thanks for the cuppa!
i anxiously await your next work...absurdist or not. you're a talented storyteller.
thanks for the cuppa!
i anxiously await your next work...absurdist or not. you're a talented storyteller.
Thank you very much for your critique! The thing about that story is that I wrote it several years ago and posted it up here mostly to show my variety in genre. It was one of those stories that came to be from a school assignment that my teacher told me I took far more seriously than she would have expected.
The reason behind the archaic diction and the habit of the painter calling Jenny "miss" is because of the time frame it is supposed to be involved in. This story was based on a picture I saw of a little girl in mid-1800s European garb. In theory, I suppose, you could say that this is loosely translated from the French language, if you stretch your imagination enough.
And about the voice in her head; it's sort of an allusion to the Devil, and therefore he's going to speak in a very syrupy way. I wanted to give him that trickster/tempter aspect without actually naming him.
But thank you again for the critique! I'll have to give you one later on.
The reason behind the archaic diction and the habit of the painter calling Jenny "miss" is because of the time frame it is supposed to be involved in. This story was based on a picture I saw of a little girl in mid-1800s European garb. In theory, I suppose, you could say that this is loosely translated from the French language, if you stretch your imagination enough.
And about the voice in her head; it's sort of an allusion to the Devil, and therefore he's going to speak in a very syrupy way. I wanted to give him that trickster/tempter aspect without actually naming him.
But thank you again for the critique! I'll have to give you one later on.
Hey Jack,
I don't think I clearly conveyed how much I loved the piece. It was tons of fun and totally pythonesque in it's way. Sometimes when I get into critiquing something that's already really decent, I forget to mention the good stuff. In other words, I start looking at it as I do my own writing. What can I fix, instead of what's already working. I'm sorry I didn't convey that better.
I was so into that critique that I didn't even realize that it took me over an hour to write. What was I thinking? I hope it wasn't info overload for you.
-Ben
I don't think I clearly conveyed how much I loved the piece. It was tons of fun and totally pythonesque in it's way. Sometimes when I get into critiquing something that's already really decent, I forget to mention the good stuff. In other words, I start looking at it as I do my own writing. What can I fix, instead of what's already working. I'm sorry I didn't convey that better.
I was so into that critique that I didn't even realize that it took me over an hour to write. What was I thinking? I hope it wasn't info overload for you.
-Ben
I just read your crit of the 2nd chapter, and I don't like it as much, either. I need to introduce Horatius & show his fondness for pain - got ideas? 
Thanks for the critique! I'm working on editing the first chapter - I'll post it tonight. It should be much better!
I'm working on editing the first chapter - I'll post it tonight. It should be much better!
Jack, thank you for the critique of The Hammer of Thor. It's the kind of feedback I needed for this short story. I knew it needed more, but was hitting a blank wall on what the 'more' is. Thanks again. I appreciate the honesty.
hi, jack--
i've just finished reading your comments on my 'dancing with mrs brown'.
muchas gracias, senor!
i've just finished reading your comments on my 'dancing with mrs brown'.
muchas gracias, senor!