This is excellent. I love it. My favorite parts are:

But I'm waiting for the smile that fits
the arc of these tired lips
 

I'm surfing through channels of experience
and across vast waves of opportunity.

I'm falling in love everyday.

I'm just waiting for the right one.

That's brilliant, "the smile that fits the arc of these tired lips." I love that!

The great thing about critiquing another's work is the objectivity you bring to it, looking at it from the outside,  instead of from the inside looking out as we do with our own work.

I like this piece so well I really don't have any criticisms. I can only say that if it was my piece I would make this one line below, the last line of the stanza above it, just to balance out the overall flow and meter of the poem.

I'm beginning to realize that I am of the ugliest.

It stands out as one lonely line, and kind of tripped me up and made me stumble a little along the path of your poem as I read it for the first time.

I really enjoy your insight and word usage and your sense of rhyme. I will continue to read your poetry, and I invite you to please come and read and critique mine!

XOxo~Drea

Holy crap. Beautiful. I am beyond impressed.

Bodies collide in a crowded suburbia
and scream of self-abuse.
I've seen "behind closed doors" pornographic reenactments
by my own generation -
disposing of seed down open throats,
fully clothed,
in performances that only victimize and pervert
acts of love.

The bolded line is incredibly powerful, and it's all in the word choice. Very good. The motives of this stanza make for a good opening; the idea is heavy and bleak, but offered fast and forcefully, requiring the reader to look further.

And I know those who sow seeds
to smoke trees
and sleep in days through psychedelic haze
or strain carcinogens through tightly meshed
colander lungs.

"Tightly meshed colander lungs" is maybe the best thing that I have read for while. Really inventive.

I've drowned sorrows in so much caffeine
that my nervous system can't even keep up…
These days,
I don't remember what it means to be nervous
anymore.

First actual critical comment. The word "even" in the second line is superfluous and stumbly. The final two lines are excellent, but might be better if combined into one line. As it stands, the break throws the reader a little bit, and might imply deeper meaning that I am pretty sure isn't there.

I'm just waking up to offend mirrors in the mornings
and again at night,
because nothing ever changes.

Fucking. Excellent. I hope you aren't offended by cursing, because it's the only way I can bring across how brilliant these lines are. The idea is creative and new and wonderful and it's expressed in a powerful and telling and AMAZING way. The words "waking up to offend mirrors in the mornings" are going to be stuck in my head for days now. (Secretly, I wish that I'd thought of it first. Shh.)

I'm beginning to realize that I am of the ugliest.

Living one minute to the next,
so that I can keep track of time in these days
where I do well to sort day from night.

These lines are sort of lost. They are between ideas. The first stands out, because it is offset but also because it is striking. But the next three I didn't remember when I was finished reading, and that's not how you want a reader to come away from any of your stanzas, especially one in the middle.

But every human body is a silhouette image
of the most perfect artwork,
and our spirit is beautiful.
We wear flaws like flags that we can actually be proud of…
and you better believe that we are.

These lines - I guess it's sort of dumb, but Laurie Paulsen (a very upstanding member of the Scribophile family who you would do well to say hello to) said it to me and that makes it okay - these lines made my soul swell a little. They made me happy, that delirious kind of happy, that little blissful trickle down your spine and through your nerves. That is a good effect to include in your poetry. Obviously.

Now, every encounter becomes an experience
and every smile is an opportunity.
Because the upward draw of a genuine lip
can rock you harder than the most experienced
womanly curves,
and I'm falling in love everyday.

"The upward draw of a genuine lip" beat out the use of the word "colander" earlier in the poem. Such a nice expression. Word choice! Jeeze! Impressive beyond belief. "I'm falling in love every day" is a really beautiful sentiment, and it made me smile. It should be "every day", though. "Everyday" means something else entirely.

But I'm waiting for the smile that fits
the arc of these tired lips
and the one whose flaws will repair mirrors
when coupled with mine.
I'm surfing through channels of experience
and across vast waves of opportunity.

The repetition of "experience" and "opportunity" are subtle but very effective. Your repetition of your previous images - smiles, mirrors - with regards to a lover is really excellent. A very good idea.

I'm falling in love everyday.

I'm just waiting for the right one.

I love the repetition of "I'm falling in love every day." The final line, though, left me longing. I would have liked better if it ended with "I'm falling in love every day." "The right one" is vague and a little redundant, what with the last stanza, and just serves to shove the sentiment down the reader's throat.

Of course, I loved this piece. It's beautiful and epic and something you should be really proud of. Print it out and hang it where all can see. We need more of this kind of thing in the world. Thank you for writing!

I have to be honest james, i really didn't like this poem.  I thought the description, though i read it after the fact, was presumptuous.  There's really no consistency in the piece.  It seems like you put a lot of effort into describing and choosing your words in the first 2 stanzas, that I was really turned off. And the rest of the piece, about yourself, could easily be a separate poem, beginning with

I've drowned sorrows in so much caffeine
that my nervous system can't even keep up…
These days,
I don't remember what it means to be nervous
anymore.

The concept/topic of the poem is muddled to me...is this social commentary or a love poem, a sonnet?  It's this discrepency that really throws me off.  But your sentence structure is well written and worth any bit of prose it could encounter.  Sorry, but that's really my honest opinion.

 I liked this poems style as a flight of ideas.  I agree with many aspects of your discontent.  The line "I've seen "behind closed doors" pornographic reenactments by my own generation" is an interesting connection to "Howl" by Allen Ginsberg, which is another poem describing the discontent of a generation.  I also like how you identify with the very things that digust you: I appreciate poetic honesty.  However, I began to get lost after the stanza

"Living one minute to the next,
so that I can keep track of time in these days
where I do well to sort day from night."

The poem moves very quickly from discontent to hope without any clear reason for doing so.  However, I love the contrasts between day and night in the sixth stanza as well as the body and spirit in the following stanza.  Good work.

 

I have to say that this poem really spoke to me. The theme and much of the description really struck a cord with me. I love these sorta meandering autobiographical poems, it's the kinda thing that helps me make sense of life (as if such a thing were possible).

A few suggestions...

I loved this poem up until after the line..

I'm beginning to realize that I am of the ugliest.

After that things get a little confusing.

The paragraph

Living one minute to the next,
so that I can keep track of time in these days
where I do well to sort day from night.

seems a little confusing. And I think you can do without repeating the word day.

Then in the next paragraph...

But every human body is a silhouette image
of the most perfect artwork,
and our spirit is beautiful.
We wear flaws like flags that we can actually be proud of…
and you better believe that we are.

The narrator goes from being saddened and depressed about his existence and existence in general to being certain about the beauty of our spirits. This wouldn't be such a big unbelievable jump if the language allowed for some uncertainty. Let me explain myself with an example. Maybe instead of saying

But every human body is a silhouette image
of the most perfect artwork,
and our spirit is beautiful.

you could say something like,

"Perhaps the human body is a silhouette image of the most beautifully flawed artwork. etc.... etc...." I hope you get the idea. It is a great point you are making by the way. At least what I am interpreting out of it which is that even with our flaws we are beautiful or that our flaws are part of what makes us beautiful.

The next paragraph is pretty good but the one after that can use a little work.

I'm surfing through channels of experience
and across vast waves of opportunity.

seems a bit repetitious and could be changed or done without all together.

and the very last line...

I'm just waiting for the right one.

seems a little telly and not needed in my opinion.

Overall this is a fabulous poem I love how personal it is! It is the exact kind of poetry I enjoy reading most, please, please, please, keep on posting stuff like this.

Thanks!

L