On Fallen Leaf, by Taylor Smith: I have no real problems with the last two paragraphs.  It actually ends quite beautifully, in my opinion.  And th... » Read more...

On Boomerang, by Bob Onnie: Opening Comments This was pretty decent for a first draft work, though it does need touching up. Themes This is probably j... » Read more...

On Oil and Water, by Jase Jayne: Thanks for the suggestions. I know what you mean by "showing and not telling."  My writing teacher while I was going to ... » Read more...

On After Reading Camus, by Michael Bourgoise: Opening Comments I enjoyed this poem quite a lot, so thought I'd leave a short critique. (or what will hopefully be shor... » Read more...

On Apple Tree, by Ben Jacobson: combined with head, face or but Think you mean butt. In the back of her brain she thought that perhaps, this was not her f... » Read more...

On Oil and Water, by Jase Jayne: Hi. I like this a lot, but I think you need to read it aloud to yourself. If you do that - imagine you were giving it as a s... » Read more...

On Oil and Water, by Jase Jayne: In the last sentence of the third paragraph I would ask you to keep in mind the age of the kids.  Coming from a divorce... » Read more...

On The Keep, by Natalie Addison: “Can I have a ‘tential now?” “They ain’t ‘tential, moron. And you gotta find them yourself.” Very cute endin... » Read more...

On High Tide, by Laurie Paulsen: This is my first critique, on a poem no less which I have little technical experience with.  But this poem spoke to me, ... » Read more...