What Fell From Heaven, Chapter 3: Reassignment
novel, fantasy, science fiction
Published on:
June 17, 3:03amWord Count:
2554Work Description
Chapter Description
Jonas Cuthbert learns what his new assignment will be.
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and then shooting a strong volt into the discharge bar from a
distance. The pattern was hypnotically mesmerizing. Jonas found
himself absentmindedly mimicking her. It was an easy way to keep
the hands occupied while the mind wandered.
Long waiting was a regular part of a dynamo's existence. When he had first been forced into this lot, Jonas had originally found this aspect particularly unbearable. He had made the foremen well aware of his displeasure. The thought of those early tantrums now made him feel quite embarrassed.
Sitting still with nothing to do had always been a particularly trying for him during his pampered childhood. It was a hardship even into his university days. By necessity professional grade dynamos needed a time to rest and rebuild their inner charge. For the beginners, even the smallest of tasks were taxing. The weariness and nausea had been too much for Jonas. To be sure, he had discharged electricity before the family's debt had forced him to become a state employee. All dynamos did--death from overloading was always imminent if they did not. But the sustained output was totally new to him. It had been humiliating to be the most lowly dynamo, and it brought him great pride to be able to advance amongst the dynamos power ranks. Though the gentrified world that had forsaken him looked down on dynamos, he had found new solace within raw power. The more energy he could make, the higher he climbed in the dynamo caste system.
"Jonas Cuthbert," said the stodgy secretary from the doorway into the Assignment Board's room. Jonas got up and walked to the older man. He motioned for Jonas to follow.
They left the dynamo's waiting room behind, and moved into a room that did not smell quite so much of ozone. It was a rather large room as befitting the station of the three-member board. They were highly ranked bureaucrats, paper pushing commoners. Had he been allowed to remain landed gentry, Jonas would have sat in the High House, molding legislation, while these toadies tried to garner his favor. As it were, the roles were reversed.
Jonas took his place on the stand before the elevated desk. He rested a hand on the metal bar, allowing energy to dribble into it. At this point, he was generating so much energy that he had to constantly release it. If not, he would spontaneously explode in a tremendous lighting strike. Such occurrences were not unheard of. Several of the more militant dynamo rights groups, terrorists really, would send a high powered dynamo into a building storing a huge potential energy mass. They would explode, killing many innocent civilians. Jonas fundamentally disagreed with such actions. He considering them fundamentally opposite to the ideals that the groups claimed to uphold.
The board member in the center looked up from a dossier and saw Jonas standing before him.
"Ah, Mr. Cuthbert, I'm sorry for the inconvenient wait," he said.
Jonas nodded respectfully, playing his part. "Thank you for your concern, sir, but my foreman had given me the entire day to be at your disposal." This was true. The Assignment Board were known for their tardiness.
"Good for you. Now," said the center board member, "introductions are in order. I am Mr. Whortlesby, and these gentlemen are Mr. Marreston and Mr. Whittier.
The gentlemen on the left, Mr. Whittier, spoke. "We are quite impressed by your record, Mr. Cuthbert. You powered the fifth annual Haggeston Gala all by yourself last year?"
The week long assignment had almost killed him. "Yes, sir, that was one of my finer achievements."
Mr. Wittier snorted. "I should dare say. I don't think no one's done something like that," he said. "Which is why we've decided to give you a new special assignment."
"Oh?" said Jonas. This was intriguing. It was not often that special assignments would be given.
"Yes, my boy," said Mr. Marreston, "a special assignment. Do you know much about the royal navy?"
The question caught Jonas off guard. He typically specialized in providing power for emergency clean ups or in high profile events.
"All I know, sirs, is that the royal navy is powered by their own enlisted corps of dynamos. They don't typically have much purpose for those of us civilians," he said. "I must say that they're doing a



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You've got a lot of potential in this story. It appears to be well thought out and is delivered well.
Dialogue flows naturally, and does not detract from the story, but enhances it. This is something that often eludes many people.
Before you get too much farther, however, you may want to consider at least doing a write-up on the history and happenings of your story. While working in the present-tense is obviously what you are going for, you will want to back that up with a solid background. Not only will this help you to propel your story, but it may even give you new ideas for future use. It also gives readers a greater understanding of what is going on within the story world.
Such a background will help to eliminate confusion in the smaller nuances that many people get caught in. Little things like "What is a Dynamo?" and "How do they manipulate elecricity?" and "Who and What are the aggressor alien race and why did they attack?" (to name a few)
While personally I understand what the concept of the Dynamo is, some people will not and it is these thing that will turn people away from the reading, not understanding things about main characters and major events makes understanding the book as a whole difficut and hard to follow.
Such a write up can be done on the side, such as with the "Honorverse" of ....... David Weber, I believe. Or you can include these things within the story. Adding a little background with the introduction of a new concept or plotline is perfectly acceptable. Unless of course a mystery is what you are aiming for.
Another thing that you do well is your imagery, such as describing the falling object and the details of the black-hole. These thing were well done and did not pull attention away from the story.
However, there does not seem to be enough of it. There are several instances where you could have put some more imagery in to help enhance both the story and the mood. One such time is in the beginning when Jemima is going to the bar. All that is pointed out is that she is in a city. You (the reader) don't find out until later that the streets are made of cobblestone, or that the city is possibly on the waterfront.
Such a point in the book is a good place to introduce the city as an entity. Is it sleepy or busy, smelly or clean, bright or dark, old or new. These sorts of imagery related items help place the mood of the story as well as enhance the reader's experience and increase understanding. Another such place would be in describing the Assignment Board's room. Is it like a courthouse, or is it more comfortable?
Sorry for writing your "ears off". Hopefully I gave you some food-for-thought and helped you out in some way. If I caused any offense in this writing I apologize, none was intended.