What Fell From Heaven, Chapter 3: Reassignment
novel, fantasy, science fiction
Published on:
June 17, 3:03amWord Count:
2554Work Description
Chapter Description
Jonas Cuthbert learns what his new assignment will be.
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bloody wonderful job of keeping the Empire safe."
"Quite so, they do indeed. But there are certain times when the navy must rely on most irregular methods," Mr. Marreston said. "After all, we all live at the leisure of Her Majesty."
"What my intrigue loving companion means is that the navy is going about some sensitive business, and they need a dynamo of most powerful capacity," said Mr. Whortlesby. "They need two dynamos who have the ability to each power of one of their submersibles, working two shifts."
"There are regulations in the military against overtaxing their dynamo recruits," said Mr. Marreston. "Such compunctions do not protect civilians."
Jonas was even more confused than before. "I'm needed to power a submersible for the military?"
"Yes, but it's not what you think," said Mr. Whortlesby. "It is not a military operation at all. Rather, it is a scientific expedition. The ship you will be staffing, the Gloriana, is going to be sailing from the royal shipyards. The actual naval crew will be working on a skeletal capacity. Most of the individuals on board will be scientists from the Queen's University. They are going to be exploring the celestial body that crashed into the ocean, causing the coastal flooding."
"Why would they want to do that?" Jonas asked.
Mr. Whortlesby shrugged. "They apparently believed that this rock or whatever it is could improve our knowledge of the heavens."
That made sense to Jonas. When at the University, he had always enjoyed the astronomy classes, despite the late hours. This thing could be a wealth of knowledge, he thought.
"The Gloriana will be leaving port in two days," said Mr. Whittier. "Here is your train ticket to Garrison. You will be expected to be out of your current housing before you leave."
Jonas took the proffered train ticket. "If it please the board, I would like to make a request."
Mr. Whortlesby lifted his eyebrows. "Proceed."
"My mother and sister were both in Clayville when the flood occurred. Since then, they have been living with me in my quarters. Would it all right if they stayed there during my absence," Jonas asked. It was something of a long shot for him to even ask. The members of the Assignment Board was not known for their tender hearts. Jonas had heard many a dynamo in a similar situation complain of how the Assignment Board had left their family destitute.
The three men exchanged glances before Mr. Whortlesby replied. "Given the extraordinary nature of their circumstances, we will allow your relatives to remain at your current quarters."
"Thank you, sirs," said Jonas. Waves of relief rolled off of his mind.
"Now, Mr. Cuthbert, we are almost done here," said Mr. Whittier. "We must inform you that, upon completion of this assignment, you will have worked off your family's debt to the state."
This news flabbergasted Jonas. He had expected to work off the debt for the rest of his life. He had to cut off the electricity he was unconsciously releasing into the discharge rail because it had turned a cherry red at contact.
"Are you sure? I mean...far be it from me to question, but the amount owed was quite large," he said.
"It was indeed," said Mr. Whortlesby. "But the sheer volume of what you have generated, in addition to the amount it will take to power the ship, will be worth all the joules your father owed at his death."
"Now, until our final meeting, have a nice day," said Mr. Marreston.
#
Jonas left the Assignment Board in a state of ecstatic bliss. I'll be free! The thought was a new and intriguing one. What shall I do with myself now? There was no way that he would ever be able to rejoin the ranks of the aristocracy. His family's estates and holdings had been parceled out to other members of the High House. And he would be damned if anyone thought they could get him as a free man to work in the power plants that had been carved out of the earth underneath the major cities of the Loop'd Empire.
There were several other options available, though. He could go into the merchant marine. A dynamo always had opportunity there. Welders who did not



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You've got a lot of potential in this story. It appears to be well thought out and is delivered well.
Dialogue flows naturally, and does not detract from the story, but enhances it. This is something that often eludes many people.
Before you get too much farther, however, you may want to consider at least doing a write-up on the history and happenings of your story. While working in the present-tense is obviously what you are going for, you will want to back that up with a solid background. Not only will this help you to propel your story, but it may even give you new ideas for future use. It also gives readers a greater understanding of what is going on within the story world.
Such a background will help to eliminate confusion in the smaller nuances that many people get caught in. Little things like "What is a Dynamo?" and "How do they manipulate elecricity?" and "Who and What are the aggressor alien race and why did they attack?" (to name a few)
While personally I understand what the concept of the Dynamo is, some people will not and it is these thing that will turn people away from the reading, not understanding things about main characters and major events makes understanding the book as a whole difficut and hard to follow.
Such a write up can be done on the side, such as with the "Honorverse" of ....... David Weber, I believe. Or you can include these things within the story. Adding a little background with the introduction of a new concept or plotline is perfectly acceptable. Unless of course a mystery is what you are aiming for.
Another thing that you do well is your imagery, such as describing the falling object and the details of the black-hole. These thing were well done and did not pull attention away from the story.
However, there does not seem to be enough of it. There are several instances where you could have put some more imagery in to help enhance both the story and the mood. One such time is in the beginning when Jemima is going to the bar. All that is pointed out is that she is in a city. You (the reader) don't find out until later that the streets are made of cobblestone, or that the city is possibly on the waterfront.
Such a point in the book is a good place to introduce the city as an entity. Is it sleepy or busy, smelly or clean, bright or dark, old or new. These sorts of imagery related items help place the mood of the story as well as enhance the reader's experience and increase understanding. Another such place would be in describing the Assignment Board's room. Is it like a courthouse, or is it more comfortable?
Sorry for writing your "ears off". Hopefully I gave you some food-for-thought and helped you out in some way. If I caused any offense in this writing I apologize, none was intended.