I'm editing this as I read, so I'll save the praise for the end.

"All right, Jemima you win,"

Try a period or a comma at the end of Jemima.

Jonas bent over and pulled out a small traveling satchel.

Out of where? From under the bed?

She stood up and squeezed his home

i think you mean she squeezed his hand.

Go down that street till it dead ends into another.

something about this sentence doesn;t sound right. If a street dead-ends, then it has nowhere else to go. It can't dead-end into another street. I see what you're saying, but you might want to pick a different way to describe it.

Jonas was at first irked by the man's abruptness, but shrugged it off as early morning grumpiness. Despite the man's moodiness,

Too many -ness words. It makes it seem too repetative. Maybe replace abruptness with abrubt nature. Having two sound-alike words close together isn't bad, but I personally try to stay away from three-of-a-kinds. I don't know, maybe it's just my own personal preference.

Proximity to both the ocean and to Haggeston made distinguished it as an ideal home for the navy.

It seems like you changed your mind about what you were going to say when you wrote "made distinguished it". Maybe you forgot to delete "made"

Two marines stood on duty

The military in your world may be different from ours. If so, then ignore my proffesional advice. You will never find marines standing watch on docks. While the Corp and the Navy are close-knit, the marines only embark ships when they go out to see, and never stay onboard while in home port. They also don't stand watches while onboard. They actually don't do much of ANYTHING while onboard. I don't know if you're looking to make this military-correct, so if you aren't, just discard my advice.

From what I understand, the Gloriana is going on an expedition run by civilians and they want a civilian dynamo aboard.

okay, is the Gloriana a civvy vessel, or a military vessel. If its military, there is no way any navy captian would give command of thier ship to civilians. But embarking on civilian-oriented missions is not unheard of. If its a military ship, the crew will stay onboard and allow the civilians to embark using seperate quarters. Again, just some professional advice.

channels of command, but hand thought

just a minor spelling error.

"I'm a lieutenant. Lieutenant Briarson, to be precise. I'm in charge of the engineering section, so you'll see a lot of me."

Now there's a something a little closer to home. This man is known as the Chief of Engineers, commonly referred to as the Cheng. You will usually find him hanging out in his stateroom underway, or running things in the Log Room (basically, the engineering office, nowhere near the actual engines). You will NEVER find him in the actual engine rooms unless there is a good reason. If you have any questions regarding the lives and jobs of naval engineers, give me a holler, and I'll be happy to provide some reference.

But me, I don't care. Just as long as someone gets the job done, the outfit doesn't really matter.

Oh my God. That sounds just like my boss. "I don't care how it gets done, as long as it gets done!" Hit the nail on the head with that one.

Great story. It has an excellent flow and is well worded. It keeps a low pace, but isn't slow enough to discourage the reader from reading. I'm a little confused on the concept of a dynamo. Perhaps I missed a description in on of the earlier chapters...Anyways, the character is certianly likable. He's got a bit of a clumsy quality to him that makes him endearing. Keep up the excellent work.