Clarity
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Clarity
A purposeful life
with a lucid perspective
entails clear vision.
Obstacles that stop
meeting the goals, can get past
by mighty insight.
To gain clarity
in thoughts, choices and approach
takes lot of efforts.
Jaya H.
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A purposeful life
with a lucid perspective
entails clear vision.
I felt the first stanza was by far your strongest. Its succinct, and it flows well. I especially liked the use of the phrase 'lucid perspective' to illustrate the point that clear vision requires the ability to shift one's focus smootly from one thing to another.
Obstacles that stop
meeting the goals, can get past
by mighty insight.
The second stanza is much weaker, especially the second line. The comma splice reads haltingly and sounds clumsy, as if you were more concerned with reaching seven syllables than with maintaining rythym. However, I did enjoy the imagery of the 'mighty insight' being used to force obstacles out of the way.
As an alternative:
Obstacles impede
barring the way; avoidedwith mighty insight.
The first two lines of the third stanza flow nicely but, as pointed out above, the last line interrupts the flow in addition to being an example of bad grammar.
As an alternative:
To gain clarity
in thoughts, choices and approachtakes great discipline
All in all I enjoyed your work and I think it can be very good poem with a little tweaking of words to maintain a consistent rythym within each stanza.
I liked it. Short and sweet.
but for the "effort" bit, instead of
take lot of efforts
try takes lots of effort.
:]



I don't know much about poetry and even less about haiku, but I liked reading the work you did here.
And I don't think it's easy to write in the Haiku 5/7/5 rhythm so I applaud your effort.
I would like to suggest, however, that you look at the last line one more time. While the rhythm is good the English is off.
you could try takes a lot of effort.
but it messes up the rhythm.
You're an excellent poet, so I'm sure you'll come up with something!