Fruit of a labor
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Fruit
of a labor
Every fruit represents labor of love;
from sowing the seed till fruit bearing stage,
there is lot of tender loving care involved.
When it's done selflessly, more rewarding
not only for juicy fruits but
tremendous satisfaction it produces.
Grandparents plant the fruit trees
and their grandchildren enjoy the fruits.
As if river of love crosses the generations;
a fruitful contribution designed by nature.
A simple fruit, colorful, juicy and sweet
has such a high profile of heritage and love.
Jaya H.
written on 4/28/08
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This has a great feel to it. I want more! I do truly like the way you played nature and family(gandparents, grandchilds) together, it was different and I like that.
Keep up the writing!
To begin, I'd like to say that this wasn't a bad poem. I just feel it has a lot more to offer than it gave.
The theme is clear... or is it? I felt that the theme was working (labor) to give fruit (a reward or love or some blessing that cannot come any other way than through hard work). However, some of the passages are simply plays on the works labor and fruit...
The mood felt calm, relaxing, and soft.
I felt there was too much imagery and not enough focusing of the imagery that was there. Toned back a bit, this could be done well.
There was no set rhyme or meter, which is fine. It worked for this poem.
I felt that without proper imagery, the poem felt very repetitive.
In the first half, there is the line
there is lot of tender loving care involved.
I feel that it should read:
There is a lot of tender loving care involved.
In closing, this is not a bad poem, and again I feel that it has great potential to be vivid and moving.
Hi. I really liked this poem. I am not great at this .critique. other people work.
I understand that as a writer we have the understanding of each piece of work.
So for what its worth.
I find it could have been longer, just when I started getting the feel for it and where you are coming from. It ended. That is a pity.
I kinda felt....Is that it???
It interupts with the rest or the first half , it doesn't have the same feel.
Grandparents plant the fruit trees
Devoured by their offsrping.
Something like that.
I can't put my finger on this one. Feels and sounds all wrong and almost contradictory.
Your poem is called "Fruit of Labour"
I liked the idea grandparents, who planted the fruit trees for the grand children to be enjoyed.
But then you stop . You should eloborate more on that section and add, then bring in "nature", for it is firstly the hard work of man, (grandparent).
I hope I make sense...
It somehow felt cheated, the last bit left me confused . It felt as though you had given up. I think it should be longer . It's something to work on, it has great potential and could be a great poem. Keep writing. I think it holds promise, work on it again.
Warmth and thank you.
Sherry